Fool's Gospel
by Vashagud
Summary: In which Zack does not get to Aeris first, and a General and a flowergirl try to make it work. Sephiroth/Aeris.
1. Chapter 1

She never told anyone about her special blood. She never told a single man she knew-the number was up to two—about the planet and how it was more alive than anyone dragging their feet in the slums, an expansive demanding thing that talked to her when she slept.

But Sephiroth, he seemed to know something was different about her. She could see it in his eyes when she'd linger in the doorway of the church out of habit, stop herself from crossing the threshold too fast, and wonder aloud what lay beyond the small circle of her world. He knew without actually knowing, and she caught herself too many times wanting to share the explicit, crazy truth.

And yet he didn't question it, he let her be and ignored her idiosyncrasies with the quiet turn of his head, the broad wall of his back.

They were building some kind of strange friendship, one built on her onesided conversation and his companionable silence. He came for the peace of the church, why he stayed was anyone's guess. She wasn't one to get swept up in her own machinations, but she could sometimes see something like longing in his eyes, and very rarely she imagined it might be for her.

But if she were to take that, she would have to take his dark looks too, the ones that made her feel chilly, small, and too much like some kind of prey on the receiving end of a predator's gaze.

He was the worst kind of anomaly, the nagging, beautiful kind she wasn't sure she wanted to figure out until she realized she would have no rest until she did. She _just knew_ a lot of things, and he set off too many different thoughts and voices in her head for her to hear anything that made sense.

Still, they were friends. She wondered what that said about her. She hoped that the soldier that fell through her ceiling would come back sometime, she thought that she might give him a date if he asked again.

She had to admit to herself, that she was lonely.

And then one day, Sephiroth came to stand over her as she knelt in her flowerbed. She could feel him behind her, despite his muted footsteps, she could feel his tempered, seething presence.

"What is it that confines you here?" he asked, voice carrying only in the small space between them. She looked up at him, though she can't imagine where she got the tenacity to do such a thing, especially when she knew she would have to lie. He'd know she was lying.

Maybe she wanted him to know.

"I'm not confined, I like it here." She stood up, glanced at her flower then back at him. "I feel at home here." It wasn't entirely a lie. But in the way his eyes remained steady on her face, she knew he'd heard the nuances, both pathetic and selfish that said otherwise. "I do. I just, maybe sometimes I wonder-" she left off. He waited patiently. When she didn't say anything else, he took another step towards her.

It occurred to her that he smelled like nothing at all, but all around her the air was noxious, sharp. She was dizzy with him so close.

"It may be for the better flowergirl," he said, and she could feel his words like a soft touch on her forehead, "to keep rare things protected."

She blinked, uncertain if she had heard his insinuation right. _Rare._ It was the first thing she heard and it made her heart flutter. But too soon, she didn't like the word at all. She liked it just as much as _special. _Both words always ended in isolation.

"I'm not a thing," she breathed, wanting to elaborate on what '_not things'_ wanted, desired, "and I can protect myself." She said firmly. There was a fleeting apologetic look.

"I didn't mean to insinuate—" he clearly struggled for the right words and she shook her head.

"No, I—I'm just being sensitive." She didn't want him to think he'd offended her, she didn't want to do anything to spoil his infrequent company. She wrung her hands. She looked back up at him, and felt the overwhelming urge to tell him some piece of the truth. "Sometimes you can't help the things you want." She said. "And too much of the time you want what you can't have, so why dwell on it?" she smiled then, something sweet and artificial.

Sephiroth hadn't said anything else, but just continued to watch her, that predatory thing rising in his eyes. Her skin prickled, not all unpleasantly.

"You should have them."

"What?"

"The things you want." He said seriously. She felt like she was holding her breath.

"Whether I want it doesn't make a difference, I can't-"

"That shouldn't make a difference." He said and she fought the urge to laugh, albeit a little nervously. Of course he would say that, no doubt he was so powerful he didn't have to consider impossibility. "If there is something you long for, what stops you from simply taking it?" he raised an eyebrow. She frowned.

"Is that how you get the things you want? You take, regardless of consequence?" she said, trying to keep any judgment from her voice, any jealousy. He almost smiled, and it was a wonderful split second that very nearly reached his eyes.

"I didn't say that."

"Then-"

"Consequences can be considered afterwards, if what you want is sweet enough." Aeris sighed. So like a man.

"Is there anything you want sweet enough to risk terrible consequences?" she asked, finding herself smiling, despite herself. He inhaled slowly, silently, looked her in the eye.

"Yes."

* * *

By nightfall he had been long gone, but when she gathered her things and made to leave the church, he came in again. She thought it would be one of the nights they simply passed each other going different ways, but as she meant to pass him, she stopped herself.

"Sephiroth?" she said, still not without the tingle in her chest that always accompanied saying his name without the title. He looked on expectantly. She looked passed the open doors of the church. "There _is_ something that I want. Somewhere I need to go." She bit her lip. "And I'd like if…you could come with me." She didn't know if she was being to bold asking something like that of him, or even why she just didn't do it alone. She could've lied and explained that she just wanted his protection, but she couldn't.

He nodded and she was unnerved by how unsurprised he seemed to be. But how obvious had she been the past few months, looking longingly out of the church windows, stretching her boundaries only in her imagination?

"Where is it you need to go?"

"The train station." She said, more quickly than she had wanted. He stared down at her, then moved to take the coat from his back. He held it out to her. She paused with her mouth open, didn't understand what he was doing.

"It's a long walk from here." He said, and she took the coat into her arms. It was sleek and surprisingly warm on her skin.

"People will recognize you." She breathed, realizing what a stupid thing that was to say until it was out of her mouth. People would recognize him even if he was missing limbs, or some feet in hair. "I can't." she said, and he looked at her as if to say that he wasn't the one who needed to be worried about being seen. Again, she wondered if he had her all figured out.

"Put it on." He said, settling the matter. With no room to refuse she slipped it on, and tucked her hair inside the high collar.

He stood barechested before her and she got the impression that she was more aware of it than he. Her face hot, she looked away and pulled the waist of his coat up and over her own hips so it didn't drag on the ground. With the material still gathered in her hands, she looked back up at to see him watching her, an unreadable expression his face, his eyes trained to the spot where her fingers had the coat hitched up.

"You're…" her smile trembled, "just a little taller than I am." she said in good humor, trying to end what was a strangely intense moment. He turned his back to her.

"We should start on our way."

* * *

Progress towards the station was made slowly, and she walked beside him, listened to his quiet footfalls. It was a chillier night, and she looked over at him as wisps of her hair were ripped from the collar by the furious wind. His hair had blown out backwards and all around him, giving him no trouble, as if the current was orchestrated just for him.

"I never understood how we could feel things like this under the plate." She said, still holding the waist of the coat in her hands like an overly long dress she was trying not to trip over.

"I believe there is a ventilation system, in addition to the staggered plates you see more in sector three." He said and she blinked.

"Is that why they say it's the sunniest in sector three?" she asked, looking around at all the closed stores.

"Yes. That and it is the most profitable."

"Really? Why?"

"The brothels." Sephiroth said, giving her a sideways glance. She wasn't so surprised.

"Well, I _was_ hoping to find work." she said and Sephiroth didn't seem so amused. There was a long, awkward silence in which she struggled to find something to break it.

"What about your flowers." He said finally.

"My flowers?"

"You could turn a fair profit selling flowers." He said simply. "Your church is one of the few places I have seen them grow around here." Aeris looked down.

"I never thought about it." She tugged the coat tighter around her. "Do you think people would actually want to buy them?" she asked, and then suddenly stopped short at a darkening shop window. "Oh." She breathed, looking in on the dress on display. It was white, with cornflower blue detail and lace. She turned away, but Sephiroth stopped her, grabbed her wrist with a swift, powerful hand.

She stilled, looked at him as he looked at the store window.

"We should go." She said, and he was silent. He took his hand away.

"Do you like it?"

"Sephiroth-"

"Do you like it, Aeris." He asked again, and her name never felt more like a weapon. Her breath caught, for he very rarely called her anything but flowergirl.

"It doesn't matter if I do." She said stubbornly, glancing at the pricetag. She bit her lip. "We should go. Please."

With that he turned away from the window, and they headed on their way.

* * *

The stairs to the train station were the rank transition from under to over. She was all abuzz, just thinking that in more seconds she would be on wholly forbidden territory. She could hear the wild racket of the trains clamouring above them. She froze at the bottom stair.

Sephiroth stopped and turned to regard her, muscles flexing faintly in his back.

"I…maybe this was a bad idea." She said, embarrassed and _scared_, Gaia, she didn't expect to be scared. Sephiroth could have been annoyed, she mostly expected he would be especially after he'd trekked with her all that way. But when he came forward, what he did was reach a hand out. Long fingered and still, she didn't take it right away, but when she did it certainly didn't do much for her nerves.

He had warm hands, and her palms burned electric against his. She wouldn't have been so nervous if he had used the same hand to strike her. But she was slowly learning that while he had the potential to destroy, while she could see it in him even as he stood before her, he hadn't once lifted a hand to do any such thing.

She needed to stop reading those newspapers. She tightened her hold on his hand.

"You should have the things you want." He said, voice extending to his fingertips where she could faintly feel it. There was a look in his eye then, and she was struck by the thought that her interest in him was somehow reciprocated. But why? She wasn't special, not in any way he knew. She thought of his visits, his looks, couldn't imagine they might actually have more than a little to do with her.

She took his hand in both of hers, pressed it beneath his coat to her chest. She didn't know why, but for once listened to an impulse without thinking. Her breath was short.

"Why?" she asked. He pressed his hand harder against the beat of her racing heart. "Why does it matter to you?" she asked, really wanting to know. He bent his head to look at the hand that lay over her heart, his hair fell into his face.

"You're different…from anything I know." He said, quietly. "I'm not sure I understand it."

"Sephiroth," her eyebrows furrowed. "I don't even understand it." She shrugged and his hand fell away. "I don't want to be different." She said, biting her lip. She'd never said it out loud before. His eyes were sharp.

"Don't be ridiculous." he said, "You would rather be like everyone else?" she almost flinched with the way he said it. She would have been offended if she didn't somehow feel he was coming from a place of experience.

"Haven't you ever wished for that?" He clearly hadn't expected such a reply. His lip curled.

"Never." Aeris crossed her arm over herself.

"That isn't the truth." She shook her head. "You know it isn't." He narrowed his eyes.

"If I ever wished for that, it was only because I was young and foolish." This time she did flinch. His words had been deliberately harsh, and she wondered how they could have moved from such a tender moment to _this._

"Maybe I'm foolish then." She said, and Sephiroth seemed to suddenly understand the impact of his words. He seemed to regret them. The split nature of his character made her suddenly wary. "But then…why are you here with me?" He was silent for a while.

"Because, you have made me a fool." He said and she blinked. "I wonder how you are so kind, to those who don't even deserve it. I wonder how you smile in the misery in which you live, how you bear such apparent loneliness with such faith. I am a fool because we are so alike, and still I have yet to figure it out, or perhaps take the smarter route and surrender." He stopped, looked at the stairs leading to the station. "If I cannot understand it, or be moved to destroy it-" she gasped, "I will wait until I can take it for myself. And I _will_ take it for myself."

Not entirely sure if she should feel flattered or threatened, the full weight of his burden was crushing. All this time she had walked around so oblivious, unaware. But there was something liberating in there, something that had her approaching the stairs, fist clenched. She began to ascend them, and he was at her heels.

His coat long forgotten, it dragged out behind her as she quickened her pace, swinging her arms with purpose now, getting higher and higher until she could see the platforms stretched out before them. When she reached the top, Sephiroth was there, standing right beside her.

The station was totally empty, and totally devoid of light. There was no sky, but deep inside she had known there wouldn't be. Standing in the actual station, it didn't seem such a big deal. But it was, and as a train flew passed, her mind flooded with visions of a woman dying on the track so long ago, her own tiny hands removing the bracelets from the woman's pale wrists.

She went forward, stood at the edge of the platform. She moved her arms just to hear her bracelets jangle. She stared down to the dark track, followed the fuzzy perspective of the long metal bars into the distance. She got down to her knees, and lowered herself down onto the track.

Sephiroth came down smoothly after her, no questioning. And she was grateful. Seeing the clumsy path the tracks made, he simply offered his hand and she took it sooner this time, used him to keep her step steady as they crossed the tracks together. She walked until the station opened out to sky, and when it did she stopped, stared up into the deep, incredibly velvet depths. It was darker, wider, and so much better than she remembered.

She realized she was still holding his hand, and when she let go, he was silent as she took one bracelet off and set it down upon on the track.

"This was the last place she was before she joined the planet." She breathed, remembering. Twenty three long seconds of a face much like hers, draining of color, saying it's going to be okay, just have faith and will all be okay. She wanted to ask her mother now, if having faith had anything to do with anything.

She turned to Sephiroth.

"I don't think it's so bad to be a fool, sometimes." He nodded, and she could hear the echoing whistle of an approaching train. They arranged themselves so that they stood between the tracks.

"Maybe." He said.

"Sephiroth?" she whispered, since they stood only a hair's breadth apart.

"Yes."

"You don't have to wait." She said, the wind blowing the coat she wore out like some dark cloak. "Even if you don't understand it now, or can't destroy it…" she left off, still mildly disturbed at the thought, "You don't have to wait to take it, not if I give it to you. And I…want to give it to you."

"How?" he said, sounding a little stunned.

"I don't know how, since I really only have myself to give. But that should be a start." That time, he actually looked stunned. She smiled. "You'll have to stay around." She said, but there was an undercurrent of fear in it having everything to do with him doing just the opposite. Her proposition wasn't totally selfless, for she suddenly couldn't imagine not seeing him, sinking back to that degree of loneliness he had tactlessly mentioned earlier. He was interested in the things in her she didn't understand herself, and she wanted to satisfy it, she wanted to solve her own puzzles.

And if she had any light to give, she wanted him to have it too.

She looked up at him, knowing she had just made herself his in so many words. All in one night, and right there he let her hair down, as his fingers and the wind tangled it up when he kissed her mouth, as she held his coat up and off the tracks as the trains went by.

* * *

Author's Note: Aeriseph bug struck again, and I'm loving it. This particular fic environment has been stuck in my head for a while and I'm so happy it is finally realized. I'm not sure it's finished, just because I have a lot of fun playing with these two, especially the scenario of Sephiroth getting to Aeris before Zack could properly girlfriend her. Haha. I imagine he'd be on that. So, I hope you liked! I enjoyed writing it.


	2. Chapter 2

She wasn't sure she could call what they were doing 'dating.' Sephiroth hadn't come to the church any more than he usually did, their conversation was no less awkward or any more frequent. And touching her lips now, their one and only kiss seemed to be little more than a memory.

She woke up days, and wondered if it had not been a dream. But she was still missing that bracelet she had put down on the tracks, so evidently, it had all been real. If there was any difference at all, it was that Sephiroth had become more _distant._

He didn't linger as closely, she didn't catch him looking her way as much, and she was reluctant to admit it made her feel worse than she imagined it would. She had become accustomed to his presence, attached to his silences and all the subtle nuances in his company. She wondered when it had happened.

But still she smiled, told herself to be patient, not to do anything childish to ruin things.

She wondered if he didn't think she was special anymore, and when he began to believe she actually was simply because he thought so. Aeris laughed to herself, a little glad to be the clichéd girl, for once.

And then some weeks later, as he rose to leave the church, she followed him to doors. She didn't know what she was going to say to him, if she should say anything, but when he turned and looked at her she felt everything she'd shared with him, kisses, memories and strange blood all, and she couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Did I do something wrong?" she said just as he had one foot out of the door. He froze, and she watched the sun slide from pauldron to pauldron as he turned around. He said nothing even then and she looked into his eyes for the length of that silence. She shrank back into the church after not much longer, turned, with the full intention of burying her face in her flowers. Maybe she had overstepped, assumed there to be more than there was.

His hands on her shoulders stopped her from going any further. His touch was solid, sticky from the leather of his gloves taking to her skin.

"No." He said and she wondered if the tightening of his grip was an unconscious thing. "I've simply been thinking…of what comes after this."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't think so much." She said smiling. Turning to face him and seeing his solemn look, her smile faded.

"This isn't something I often do." He said seriously.

"Me either." She said, clasping her hands in front of her. She wondered not for the first time if his silence wasn't just some intentional thing, but a result of simply not knowing. His hand was surprisingly hesitant this time, when he touched her cheek.

"I know that if I were to call you a child, you would deny it."

"I'm not-" the circling of his thumb beneath her lower lip quieted her.

"I can see it clearly, how innocent you are." She resented the words a little, wondered what she could possibly do about something like that. "I can see it all over you." There it was in his eyes again. "I would hardly be fair of me to—"

"There's more to it than that." She said quietly, frustrated. "It's unfair for you to think I am only that one thing." He bowed her head. "We haven't really had the chance to get to know eachother yet."

"Precisely. What makes you think I'm not just taking advantage? That I could not do worse?" His took his hand away. "Because I have not already done it?"

"You wouldn't-"

"You are in no place to tell me what I would and wouldn't do." He said, eyes narrowed. "I have done terrible things." Aeris was silent. "We once spoke about desire. I told you that I would have what I wanted, regardless." He stroked her hair, and she fought the urge to close her eyes. He'd never done that before, and she didn't want him to stop, even though he seemed to be somewhere else even as he spoke. "It is different, to have it within your grasp, to do with as you please. To be tender, or tear it apart into indistinguishable pieces."

She opened her eyes suddenly, totally unaware they had closed in the first place.

"Sephiroth?"

"I have always been better, at the latter."

"You don't have to be. And you're right, I don't know enough to say you're wrong. But could know you well enough to give you proof." She smiled, even as the voices were bearing down on her hard, saying _no,_ but she was saying _yes. _Could the planet fault her for trying to strike out on her own?

"Your faith is uncommonly resilient." He breathed, eyes going dark. "What would it take to break it, I wonder."

"More than you could ever do, Sephiroth." She said, confident now. "Don't worry, please." She said, moving closer to him. The toes of their shoes touched, and he put a hand to the back of her neck, nodded toward the right.

"I have something for you." He said, walking to the side of the church. She watched him stoop to reach for something underneath a pew, hair sweeping across the dusty floorboards. When he rose up he was carrying a large, rather pretty box. She looked on, unable to properly move her feet.

She couldn't imagine what she had done for him to do something like this. She was excited too, for the only presents she'd ever gotten were from her own mother. Her birthdays were usually good, but uneventful, and Christmases were about the same. She had never once had a birthday party, never once gotten a present from a friend. Her cheeks warmed and her heart swelled at the vision of Sephiroth carrying a large pink box, with a large pink ribbon. For her.

She almost wanted to say it was too much. If felt like too much.

"I wanted to leave it for you to find." He said, lowering it down into her trembling arms. "But I changed my mind."

She wanted to hug him, and almost dropped the box to do just that. But she didn't. Though he had kissed her already, she found the idea of putting her arms around him a different kind of intimacy she wasn't sure he would welcome yet.

"I can't believe you did this." She said, clutching the edges of the box. "_Thank you."_ He nodded and didn't take his eyes from her as she knelt down and set her hands down the box. It was smooth, and when she pulled at the ribbon, it was like silk in her hands. Letting it fall to the side, she lifted the top and stopped at what lay before her.

It was the dress she'd seen some nights before, the one with cornflower blue detail and white lace. He reached out and touched the ties on the front of it. She could only look at it, think about how much it cost, and the timbre in his voice when he asked her if she liked it.

It was too much. She looked up to where he stood over her, watching. He seemed pleased, and she got up, stepped over the box and hugged him. She didn't care. He flinched on contact, but his arms eventually came up, though a little hesitantly, to close around her. His hold was deliberately light, but she didn't mind.

She leaned her head against his chest, and sighed, feeling the muscles in his back twitch in time with it. That he never wore a shirt under his coat left the bare skin there for her cheek to feel, and she felt warm all over, better when he started playing in her hair again. She closed her eyes.

"You should put it on." He said in a rough voice, fingers going deeper into her hair. Aeris realized then that evening had passed and the church had gone very dark.

"I…right now?" She said, a little shocked, but mostly excited, scared. Fingers ghosted the fine hairs at her temples, and her eyes fluttered.

"If you'd like." He said, and she tried not to laugh nervously, stayed quiet and considered it. She pulled away.

"Okay." She could barely see his face anymore because of the darkness. "But you have to turn around while I change." She could see his smile though, and it very nearly took her breath away. It was too bad she couldn't see it that well.

"Alright."

He went to turn around but she stopped him, bit into her lip.

"But first, could you…unzip me?" she said, feeling clumsy and obvious. His eyes flared for a brief moment and she could see them as if it were daylight. It scared her and she jumped. "Your eyes…they're…" she started, at a loss for words.

"It's the mako." He said stiffly, and she regretted mentioning it.

"They're pretty though." She said because they were and also because wanted to make amends.

"You think so."

"I do." She said as his hands settled on this zip her dress. Then he stopped, and she could hear him doing something but didn't know what until he put his hand back at the zip. The skin she felt against her was his own skin, not leather. She realized with a start that he had taken one of his gloves off. He pulled her closer in the dark and she felt him pull it down, from neck to beginning curve of her back. His knuckles brushed the curve and her breath caught. She could hear his steady breathing.

He stepped away and turned around.

Quickly she shed her old dress and kneeled to get the new dress from the box. Her hands fumbled with her nervousness, but eventually she got it strap side up in her hands and simply slipped it over her head.

"I'm done." She said, spinning around once just to feel the skirts rise around her knees. She could hear him moving, but eventually she felt him when he took both of her hands into his. The one ungloved hand against hers felt like a secret he was sharing with her, one she'd never give to anyone else.

"It suits you." He said, and his voice pervaded in a completely different way in the darkness.

"You can see me?" she said, startled with the realization.

"Yes." He said, thumb moving in circles on the back of her hand.

"But you-" She was immediately indignant, embarrassed.

"I didn't look." He said easily, and she felt that he was telling the truth.

"Okay." She said, color high in her cheeks. She opened the soft palm of her hand to his touch. He moved his fingers accordingly, as if he'd known what she wanted. "Do you wear your gloves all the time?" she asked.

"Most of the time, yes." He said, running one of his longer fingers down the center of her palm.

"Why?" she said, question dragging out into a sigh as she closed her eyes.

"I suppose it's only force of habit. I rarely notice them now."

"Oh, well…you should take them off more often." She said, taking the jump. In a strange way she felt that he had undressed for her too. Her dress, his gloves. They were crossing over bold lines, and it all seemed to be happening on its own. She imagined Sephiroth's hesitance wouldn't be the last boundary, but didn't want to think about anything else but the present moment.

"Perhaps I will." He said, finally stepping away from her. They both headed out of the church, and once out stood in the light of a nearby streetlamp. He slid his glove back on, scanned the area.

"You should go home, before it gets too late." He said, and she nodded. "Would you like me to—" she shook her head.

"No, I'll be fine." He didn't seem entirely convinced but nodded.

He didn't kiss her goodbye that time, but Aeris was content regardless. All the way home, she could still feel his hand against hers, his gentle touch with all its terrifying latent strength. All the way home, she felt as if she was being followed, but when she turned to look there was never anyone there.

Author's Note : So this chapter pretty much came about on its own. I really wanted to start to get into it, and of course there are those references there to the canon relationship with Zack that doesn't happen here. I love that the dynamic of an Aeriseph would be really different, but still possibly be the same in areas.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a different man who came to see her some days later. She could feel him before she saw him; feel the gravity inside of his feather light step. He was a different kind of quiet from the General, a more deliberate kind, only more sinister by degrees. She knew it was because she was afraid of him, despite the hardness that sometimes faded from his dark brown eyes.

"He is a dangerous man." He said, and Aeris didn't look at him, supposed he would know Sephiroth's danger more than she ever could. His words weren't surprising, but his presence before her made her pay attention. He very rarely came from the shadows where he watched.

"I know." She said, rising from her knees to stand on her feet. She looked him in the eye, was surprised that she could. She wondered if Sephiroth was making her bold. His face didn't change, but he swept a hand down a crease in his blue suit jacket.

"You know only what he chooses to show you." Aeris wrung her hands. Looking up, she could see her nervous action had not gone unnoticed. She wished for a moment that she could be stoic like him.

"I trust him." There was a moment where she could've sworn there was shock in the Turk's eyes. It was gone before she could even really be sure it was there.

"You're being naïve." He said, and Aeris frowned. She was tired of hearing things like that from stone-faced men.

"Maybe. But he only knows what I choose to show him too."

"So you haven't told him." He said, and Aeris looked down. She imagined what it would be like to share her origins, if it would be passed his limits of acceptance, if he'd change his mind.

"No."

"And you shouldn't." His words struck her like blow. She was silent, suspicious that the Turk knew enough to play into her obvious doubts, but then dismissed the idea. "Although, if you continue to see him, it is a strong possibility when considering his connection to ShinRa that he may find out on his own."

Aeris didn't often have conversations like this, did not know how to talk in shades and undercurrents, bypass her fear and address veiled threats.

"You would tell him?" she whispered, finding herself unused to such hostility, veiled or not.

"No, I wouldn't." He said, but there was a tone to his voice that kept her still on edge. She bit her lip.

"Please, he's the only friend I have." The Turk's eyes narrowed at that. She wondered if he'd seen them that night, when Sephiroth kissed her.

"Then maybe you ought to reevaluate your choices in the kinds of people you extend your _friendship_ to." His tone was almost bitter, and Aeris couldn't imagine why. But her patience was fraying.

"Why? He's human like the rest of us, like you and like me. And I'm not just a…subject. I'm allowed to want-" she stopped, she didn't know. What did she want? "I'm allowed to have friends. I've already accepted that there are things I can't have but this isn't one of them." She swallowed. "I won't let this be one of them."

"It seems you've made up your mind." He said, and Aeris nodded, stood firm. She wished that her first real talk with the man could've been more pleasant.

"I have."

And with that he was gone, and she watched him disappear into the neutral background beyond the church.

Sephiroth didn't show up for a couple of days, and she thought over and over what might happen if he found out about her, if he'd be disgusted, if it'd even make a difference at all. One thing she was sure of though, she didn't want him to hear it from anyone but her. Past midnight she crept down the stairs of her small house, and picked up the phone.

She wished she had her own PHS, that she had Sephiroth's number. They had never traded, because it never seemed necessary, appropriate even. What did she ever have to say to him that was so important it couldn't wait until one of those days he chose to show up at the church?

He didn't seem like a man who spoke on the phone when it didn't concern business, she wasn't sure he'd particularly care for hearing the details of how her day went. She smiled, _today I went to the church, and I tended to the flowers, yesterday I went to the church and tended to the flowers, and the day before that…_

She laughed to herself. She wasn't going to put even a man of his patience through that. Though offhandedly she thought it might be a little funny, to do something so mundane with him, something a normal girlfriend might do for a normal boyfriend. She didn't think it was quite that serious yet though, couldn't find it in her to call herself his girlfriend, and definitely not him her boyfriend.

It didn't fit for one.

Manfriend?

She knew he was admired by legions of women, and couldn't imagine he hadn't taken advantage of that at least some of the time. He didn't seem the type to be genuinely interested in it, but she knew by his occasional touches that he wasn't entirely cold, that he was a man.

And she was a girl. She didn't know if she could be upset if he had an actual girlfriend above the plate, someone who was free to move wherever, more experienced, Aeris sighed, probably tall.

Aeris considered the phone again, wondered who she could possibly call to get to him. It wasn't like calling the corporation was even close to an option. She never really liked talking on the phone either, mostly because she rarely had anyone to call.

She moved from the kitchen to the garden she had started out in the front yard. Sephiroth was there, standing in her buttercups. She opened her mouth and then closed it again. She didn't even know he knew where she lived. But _of course_ he did.

"Be careful, those are new." Was all she could say, motioning to the flowers. That group had been hard to seed, and they were just blooming. He moved out of them, and with another glance at her buds, she looked back at him, tried to speak.

But her heart was hammering again, and for a fleeting moment thought of her mother coming to the window and seeing them. She held out her hand and he took it. She led them both to the side of her house, cast conveniently in shadow.

"Is everything okay?" she asked in a whisper, thinking there had to be a reason he'd come all the way to her house at such a time. He was looking all around them, eyes narrowed.

"I am fine." He cast a strangely dark look at a playground farther off. "However, it might interest you to know you are being watched." He said and Aeris stilled.

"Oh." She breathed, and she felt him still, look at her.

"You don't sound terribly surprised." He said, and Aeris felt the blood drain from her face. He took a step back. Looked at her with a swift understanding that made his eyes hard. "And why would you be, since you've apparently known all along."

"I-"

"I thought perhaps it was a bluff, a desperate attempt to regain some semblance control…"

"Sephiroth-"

"How are you involved with ShinRa?" She could feel the trust she had built with him, hanging taut between them.

"I'm not."

"Really." He curled his lip. "I don't think you're being entirely truthful. There is some significant tie you must have. For what other reason would I be told that I am interfering in a matter such high interest, I am to cut all contact?"

"What? They have no right-"

"What reasons do they have to be interested in you flowergirl?"

"Please, don't ask me to say, it's better if I don't."

"I have been with ShinRa long enough to know that nothing good comes of the things that inspire their interest. I have been with them long enough to know how they use people as mere tools, to achieve their ends. We're you told to become involved with me? Do you see my link to ShinRa as a convenient way out of whatever trouble you are in?"

Aeris stood with her mouth agape, couldn't believe he would say something like that to her. Couldn't believe he'd even think something like that. That she would actually want to be surveyed like some kind of lab rat, that she could pretend to be anything else when she could barely help showing him everything, telling him everything. That when she let him touch her it wasn't because she wanted it, maybe needed it more desperately than anything she could think of.

She slapped him. Immediately she regretted it. Before her hand could sting or the sharp sound of it properly leave the air, she was already headed back into her house, more to escape the reality of what she'd done than to storm off angrily. She wasn't angry, she was hurt, totally mortified that she'd struck him, horrified that she had destroyed the delicate foundation their relationship rested on with her secrets and brash behavior.

Should she have just told him? Tomorrow was she going to start another long, lonely stretch of life with her flowers? She closed the door and tried to catch her breath but his many faces were swimming before her eyes. His stunned face after she'd struck him, the accusing, wild look in his eye seconds before that, and the stark dawning of understanding on his face before that.

She had never thought he would turn his anger on her, had never imagined it would scare her like it did. He could've been an animal the way he looked then, leaning into shadow with such cruel words sharp on his tongue.

_He is a dangerous man._

He was also beautiful but-so_ ugly_ in that moment. Maybe she _was_ naïve.

She climbed the stairs to her room, glancing once with relief at her mother's still closed door. When she opened her door, Sephiroth stood in her room, inspecting a pair of gardening gloves she kept on her dresser.

"We're not finished." He said and she shut the door quickly and softly.

"What're you doing?" She kept her voice low, still unbelieving that he was before her; as if she hadn't slapped him and run off just minutes before.

"Allowing you the opportunity to explain yourself." She wondered why he had gone through the trouble, since he apparently thought so little of her. She was confused, frustrated that she couldn't give him the answers he wanted, annoyed that he was demanding them of her. How much of himself he hadn't shared with her, and he was asking her to part with her deepest secret, as if he was entitled.

"This is something I need to keep to myself Sephiroth, I'm sorry." She wanted to, but somehow she wasn't ready yet. "But I would never do any of those things you said, I promise." She whispered, realizing for the first time how close she was to tears.

She prayed that she didn't make it any worse for herself and start crying in front of him.

She smiled to keep from crying. "He said that should stop seeing you too, but you're… you're the only real friend I have." She shuffled her feet, felt embarrassed.

Sephiroth glanced out of the window, seemed to be staring as something or someone. He closed the curtains with a swift hand and turned to her. He didn't look her in the eye.

"I should have known better than to accuse you of those things." He said, still keeping his distance. "I'm accustomed to dealing with dishonest people, and I've found that even the presupposed 'honest' ones are only better liars than the rest. It is hard to separate myself from what I know, and as I've told you before, you're… very much apart from anything I know."

Aeris wrung her hands.

"I should tell you the same things that Turk has undoubtedly told you to convince you to go. But the truth remains that I am not a generous man, especially when it comes to things that are precious to me. If you asked me now to go away, I'm not certain I would." He looked the window and curled his lip. "That a Turk or anyone else thinks they could have any kind of say, makes me wonder if I do not have to show them otherwise."

Aeris tried not to be bothered by the tone of his voice or the look in his eye. She tried to not make too much of what he'd just said. Precious? His fingers tapped idly at the leather handle of his sword.

"I'm sorry that I slapped you." She said not wanting to bring it up, but unable to let it go unaddressed. He looked back at her then, _smiled._ At another time she might've been annoyed.

"Unexpected, but deserved." He said, bringing a hand to his cheek. "You're stronger than you look."

She blinked.

"You're not mad?" she asked and he gave a short, soft laugh.

"What for? If anything, I'm pleased to know you won't hesitate to put me in my place." He said, and she smiled. "Come here." He said, and she went to him. He took off his gloves set them down on the dresser behind him, took her face into his hands.

"I'm going to tell you, just…not right now." She said, and he nodded, though there was a tightness to his lips that said he still wondered.

"We all have secrets." He said solemnly. She nodded. "If they cause you anymore trouble, call me." He said, and Aeris wasn't sure he would want to by the look on his face which promised pain and lots of blood.

"I don't have your number." She said, unable to contain her smile. His gaze was lazy now, hands warm.

"I'll have to change that then, won't I?" he said, and her stomach flipped.

"Does it have to be an emergency for me to call? Do I have to be in trouble?" she asked, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Preferably." Her heart sank a little. _Today I went to the church and tended to the flowers-_"But if you were to call and your life happened not to be in peril, I could make an exception."

She laughed.

He spun her around and sat her up on the dresser, and a couple of trinkets fell to the floor in a musical clatter. She cringed, thought of her mother next door. He kissed her neck and she leaned her head back against the wall, tried not to make a sound.

"Are you ready for my number?" he asked with a dark look in his eye. She whispered yes, muffled her laugh when his lips and breath tickled her ear. "Then listen carefully." He said, smirking in the curve of her neck.

"Nine." He said quietly, kissing her neck right down to the soft hollow, where her pulse throbbed for him to feel.

"Five." Kisses underneath her chin, teeth on her ear when she whispered his name, and her knee bumped into his hip.

"TwoFive." He said on the skin of her shoulders that trembled when his hands tightened on her waist.

"Six." He said hot into her hair when she bent forward to know what his pulse felt like on her own lips.

"Zero." When he pressed her back and kissed her open mouth, and her hands were lost his hair, which fell all around them like the night fell around the man standing outside watching silhouettes through her window.

"Two." Were the seconds it took for the man to smooth his blue suit and turn away from what he knew was a lost cause.

* * *

Author's Note: So, I don't know. This was something I wanted to do in a later chapter, but I think was okay here. Kind of a sucky chapter for Tseng though. I can't imagine what the whole altercation must've looked like from a distance. XD Thanks to everyone who gave me thoughts on this so far, you guys are awesome.


	4. Chapter 4

Her mother was suspicious, she knew it-it was just something in her manner in the recent days, a heaviness in her face when their eyes met doing dishes in the kitchen, sitting down for dinner. Aeris kept thinking how much she hated keeping secrets from Elmyra, her mother, the one who knew everything and still loved her. But some mornings after Sephiroth's visit Aeris went to go brush her hair and almost promptly dropped the thing on the floor.

There was a mark, an ugly red bruising- right on her neck. Closing the door behind her, she leaned into the mirror and touched her fingers to it. She looked at her own eyes in the mirror then, held an astonished silence. Sighing, she let her hair down over it, thankful for the length. She was irrationally frustrated with him suddenly, for giving her more things to hide and explain away; almost certain he would do something like that on purpose.

She'd seen the possessiveness in his eyes when he said to call him, when he said he might not leave even if she wanted him to. She bit her lip, shaking her hair out. But then, hadn't she let him do it, hadn't she put her arms around him when he pressed her into her own walls, like the private space of her room was also his?

She felt like she was always realizing things like that after the fact, wondering what she could've been thinking and never being able to recall. She was often embarrassed to think of the bold things she'd done, liked to imagine it was a lot like dreaming.

She could do what she wanted when she dreamt. She could feel what she wanted and not be sorry for it.

She frowned at her flushed face in the mirror, missing the familiar ritual of doing a fresh braid, feeling her loose hair already starting to stick to her shoulders and back. She certainly couldn't garden as well with it all in her face. She smiled, figured she'd pull it back when she was alone.

She ate breakfast with her mother in silence. Everytime she went to open her mouth, there were things she meant to say, but the very things she knew she _needed_ to say just wouldn't come out. She wanted to tell her about him, talking about anything else seem just like avoidance, lies.

"General Sephiroth, he visits the church sometimes." She said smiling. Elmyra looked back at her, was slower to smile.

"Yes, I know. You mentioned that to me."

"…Oh, I did. I guess I forgot." Aeris said, averting her eyes to her plate. She had forgotten that when he'd first started coming around she'd been so excited she'd told her mom the very night over dinner. She remembered now, how not happy Elmyra had looked, no doubt because of his connection to ShinRa. Even after she'd explained that he hadn't even talked to her, Elmyra was wary, asked her not to go to the church for a few days.

She sighed. Maybe it was best she kept it to herself.

"Of all the churches in Midgar…" Elmyra started.

"He seems calmer when he's there." Aeris said, still walking on eggshells.

"To be fair, you can't possibly know what he's like outside of the church Aeris." Elmyra said calmly, looking steadily at her daughter now. Aeris realized her slip.

"Still, it's kind of a nice surprise he'd visit though." Aeris said, heart beating fast.

"Why? I imagine he has plenty to deal with. It's not surprising a soldier would seek redemption in something of a higher power, they often do."

"Redemption?"

"I'm supposing you don't become the demon of Wutai without having done terrible things." Elmyra said and Aeris' stomach was uneasy. At the same time, she felt strangely driven to defend him.

"But he was very young when he went over there, and the news always used to say how even before that he was rising through the ranks faster than anyone. I just…feel like a lot of his life that's all he knew." Aeris said, biting her lip. Elmyra put down her utensil.

"Maybe, and that's unfortunate. But that doesn't change the fact that he is a dangerous man."

Aeris had a strong moment of déjà vu. She was so tired of being warned from every corner, but she couldn't resent it when it came from her mother.

"I know what everyone says about him but," she chose her words carefully, "he just seems…like there's more to him than that."

Elmyra sighed, gave her daughter a hard look, around the edges though Aeris could see something like fear.

"You have always had the gift of faith," she shook her head, "it's a special thing to have, a good thing even, to be able to trust so easily. I hope you never lose that. You're right, there is always more to people, more than can been seen at first sight, but there's never a guarantee that more is something you will want to see." Elmyra reached over to touch her daughter's hand. "My heart may be old and jaded, but in its years it has also learned to be wise, despite what it might want."

"I-"

"I just want you to consider your faith, know that even though you put all of yourself into it, once you surrender it; it is totally in the hands you leave it in. And if those hands are used to crushing, _killing_, it's really only a matter of time."

Later on in the afternoon Aeris went to the church with the full intention of forgetting her mother's foreboding words with a couple hours of thorough gardening. But the earth wasn't working with her like it usually did, and she started getting frustrated. It was uncomfortable to be without the kind of peace she often found in the church.

Even the planet was in particular _mood_, it wasn't whispering, not screaming either, but teetering with dizzying force between the two. Aeris stopped, and breathed. Was everyone right? Was she being naïve?

"Hey, you look good with your hair like that." Startled, she turned around to find that soldier who'd fallen through her ceiling that time ago. She stood up, face one of open shock. She'd forgotten his name, remembered it was something short, nice.

The presently nameless soldier gave an easy smile, raised both eyebrows. She felt compelled to smile back. "I know, I used the door this time, pretty cool right?" he said, seemingly not at all bothered by the fact that she hadn't said anything to him yet. She laughed.

"Zack." She said, suddenly remembering it.

"Aeris." He said, smile now totally in his eyes. They were _blue_ blue, with odd specs of purple.

"Hi." She said, laughing and not knowing why.

"Heya." He said, looking around them. "What are you doing?" he asked. She shrugged.

"I was trying to get some new things to seed, but it's not working very well today." She shook her head. "It's never happened before." He frowned.

"Well, maybe you're just having an off day."

"I just…" she left off, looking around at her flowers.

"I wouldn't worry, come tomorrow you'll be growing beanstalks." He said and she laughed.

"Beanstalks, I've never done that before." Zack squatted down then, ran a hand over the earth, up one of the stems of her flowers. He didn't move to pluck one though, and she was surprised and grateful. In a fleeting instant, she saw him there and it almost seemed like he belonged just in that spot. He looked up at her.

"I bet you could though," he said, looking around, "you've gotta crazy green thumb or something, you know?"

"Or something." She said, tilting her head to the side. Zack stood back up, looked serious for the first time since he appeared.

"Listen, I was thinking-"

Zack was interrupted when just at that moment, the doors of the church opened and Sephiroth came through the dusty light of the outside. He froze on the threshold when he saw them and they froze too, but Aeris for completely different reasons than Zack.

It occurred to her in that instant how it must look, and it was only cemented when she looked at Sephiroth's expression, which was schooled in its usual impassive calm, but she was getting better at recognizing the small things. The tightness of his lips and hands, the rigidness in his shoulders and his eyes which were shaded down, gazing directly into hers.

It occurred to her that Zack was yet another piece of ShinRa, and she'd never thought of it, felt anything was wrong with their easy conversation until the look in Sephiroth's eyes made her rethink it. And it _had_ been an easy conversation, natural even. She frowned, wasn't about to be on the defensive _again_ for another thing she could see was clearly good.

"No way! You know General Sephiroth?" Zack asked, smiling in between them, blissfully unaware. She looked to Sephiroth, not sure what to say. Sephiroth came forward, settled into a pew at the side of them.

"We're acquaintances." He said easily, leaning back into the bench. She nodded, pretended not to see the look he gave her. She crossed her arms and Sephiroth crossed his as well.

"Seriously? How'd you guys meet?"

"I was…trying to catch a train." She said, hating the lie as it came out of her mouth. Zack's smile faltered, if only for a moment.

"Well, that's lame." He beamed at Sephiroth, who just looked on stoically. "Hey General, you won't _believe_ how I met her. It's pretty wild." Sephiroth's lower lip twitched.

"Why don't you tell me." He said, and Aeris frowned at his tone, felt annoyance eclipsing any desire to explain herself to him.

"Get this, I fell through the ceiling." He smiled. "I was pretty much out cold, and laying out over there, thinkin' I'm talking to my mom and I open my eyes, and there she is," he paused, looked at Aeris and gave a crooked smile,"-thought she was an angel."

Aeris felt her face warm, and she watched Sephiroth's eyes slide over to Zack, naked irritation breaking through the cool surface. Zack saw none of it, because he was only looking at her. She bit her lip and moved out of his direct gaze.

"I was so surprised." She said, smiling, and not being able to maintain it.

"And now," Zack scratched the back of his head, "I'm trying to get her to go out out with me." He said, grin undeniably charming. Aeris's eyes went wide and she glanced sideways at Sephiroth who'd turned his head completely away. Sulking, she couldn't believe it. "Whaddaya think Sephiroth, shouldn't she say yes?" he said, apparently only mildly confused at Sephiroth's behavior.

"Perhaps, you should ask her." He said and Aeris frowned. Zack turned back towards her.

"So, what do you think? Just once? I know you said no last time, but I just thought that maybe if I came in like a normal person, you might change your mind?"

Aeris looked at Zack's expectant face, then at Sephiroth's which was turned into shadow. She gave Zack an apologetic look and he seemed to know then.

"I'm sorry." She said, and Zack smiled, but with nowhere near the amount of joy he usually did.

"Is it someone else?" he asked, looking a little robbed, as if she was actually his at some moment in time.

"Yes, I-"

"Well, duh I guess." He said softly, some genuine watts returned to his smile. "Not for lack of trying though, huh?" She nodded. He looked at his phone. "I should go then, I'll see you later." He left kind of awkwardly, and she and Sephiroth listened to his footsteps recede.

Sephiroth stood.

"If you wanted to say yes, then you should have." Aeris was too annoyed to be properly stung.

"How can you say that?" she asked, brushing her bangs away from her face. She wasn't sure how Sephiroth did it.

"I'm simply growing tired of your little _surprises." _That did sting, and she took a breath. She wondered if he was going to be so sharp and critical every time he found out something he didn't like. She wondered if he was always going to be so mistrustful and jump to terrible conclusions every time there was a questionable situation. She wondered if she could handle it, because she was handling it badly now, and this was supposed to be the honeymoon part. The part of ignorant bliss. She thought of her mother's words, how she had defended him and _defended him _anyway.

"_My_ surprises?" she breathed, both terrified of invoking something in him more powerful than she, but unwilling to back down this time. "At least you know things about me, and I…I know only what I read in the newspapers, and that you wear your gloves most of the time because of that one night you told me that."

Sephiroth blinked.

"You haven't told me anything about yourself, and still I never forced you to tell me anything, even though I want to know _everything_, because I believe that there's so much good to know, even though everyone's telling me I'm wrong, and that I'm naïve."

Aeris swept her hair away from her face, "I have faith in you and you have none in me." She looked up at him, hands shaking by her side. "Those things you said to me the other night, that you thought I would use you, that was the first thing you thought of me, and you're doing the same thing now." Aerith tried not to, really tried not to, but there they were, tears making wet paths down her cheeks. She was embarrassed, frustrated, hurt.

Sephiroth looked on, face pale. He stepped forward and she stepped back. "If you can't trust me, if this is how things are going to be, I don't-" Fresh tears, and Aeris felt so _stupid. _Had everyone been right? Had her mother been right?

"Aeris-"

"I wish it wasn't like this, that I could go with you places out in the open-there are so many women who can and-" She cut off when Sephiroth moved very fluidly and suddenly to his knees before her. He exhaled, coat and hair all around him. When he looked up at her, she still felt as if he was towering above her. He took her hands.

"It seems as if I'm going to be regularly making an ass out of myself, so I think that a grandiose apology is in order."

"Sephiroth-"

"Aeris, I won't stay on my knees forever. Let me say me piece." Despite herself, she smiled. He took a moment to gather his thoughts. "I didn't realize that you were feeling these things, I've overlooked so many obvious details, and wonder I couldn't have known sooner how hard this was for you." He looked into her eyes. "You don't deserve my suspicion, and I know it well enough. I don't want to destroy this, in fact, I'm surprised by how much I'd like to protect this, and keep it all completely for myself."

His grip on her hands tightened. "So, it's only natural that I not mere moments ago, wanted nothing more than to fling Zack's innards into your flowers." Aeris looked horrified, but he was totally straight faced. "And all things considered, I _like_ him. It's not entirely that I don't trust you, or that I truly want to murder my Lieutenant, but you…you make me feel as if I am not myself. And only you, so any thought of other women are ridiculous. It's only that I intend for you to be mine, and I won't stand for anything getting in my way."

Aeris blinked, mouth agape. She was speechless. "Allow me time to share myself with you, it's not the easiest thing for me. And," he stood up, wiped away the remnants of her tears, "no more crying."

She went into his arms, and he wrapped them tightly around her. She wanted to say that she was grateful, say his name but she couldn't speak. She could still feel the potency of his words in her skin, and couldn't believe he had done that, said that. She laughed, stepped back and pulled her hair away from her face.

"We're just lucky my mother didn't see this." She said, baring her neck and showing him his handiwork. "Turks and Zacks are nothing compared to her."

He raised an eyebrow, touched a gloved hand to the mark and smirked.

"I'll remember that." He took his hand away. "I'll just have to find a better place, preferably one unlikely to be seen." He said and she reddened, swatted his arm.

After a comfortable silence, she looked back at him.

"I was thinking about your idea." She said and he looked on in incomprehension.

"What was that?"

"About selling flowers." She smiled, and he nodded.

"Hm."

"Well, what do you think?" she asked, and he looked thoughtful, scanned the church.

"You'll need a wagon of some sort, for your flowers." He said and Aeris nodded. "I'm not certain where we can purchase one." He said. Aeris was silent for a while.

"No. I don't think I would want that."

"Why not? We can probably find something properly suited for-"

"No, Sephiroth, I mean I don't want to buy one." She looked up at him with wide green eyes. He sighed.

"Well would you rather do?"

"I think we should make it, together!" she said, smiling. He sighed. She looked on expectantly. He sighed again.

"Fine."

Author's note: Hey, all! First, thanks SO much for your reviews, I love hearing the things you guys have to say. I have been looking forward to writing this for a few days, but only just now had the time. What I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be was actually supposed to be this chapter, but things…happened? I loved getting Zack in there, bein his flirty oblivious self. I really hoped you liked it.


	5. Chapter 5

They had made plans to build the wagon, but a week and change later, plans were still all they were. She'd seen him only once after the afternoon he'd knelt in front of her, looked up into and beyond her eyes, answering her panic with careful honest words. She grabbed what moments she could, tried to make it enough even when he appeared for just for moments at a time. Days he swept in like that, she didn't talk to him about how her heart ached for him to stay. She was getting too used to being with him, even in his deep silences, and he was getting too good at being there exactly when she needed him to be. She knew if he could help it, he'd visit more regularly, and she was coming to expect it.

One late night after she had already left the church he intercepted her route, came into her path like an innocuous slum shadow, moving under all the filtered light. Her heart stopped for only seconds before she recognized his silent step. She could almost feel him now, and truthfully that startled her more than his abrupt appearances did. She wondered if he could feel her like she felt him, wondered if that was how he always seemed to find her.

But something told her he couldn't feel her like that, that he was still entirely too distanced to have that connection. There was a blankness in his eyes sometimes that told her how much he _didn't_ know, and she tried to remember that. She tried not to make too much of nothing. She tried to remember that finding her in the small world of her sector was probably not very difficult for him.

"You scared me." She said, turning around in a long shadow of a nearby apartment building. She smiled at him and he looked around them before reaching out to stroke her cheek.

"Did I?" He said and she leaned into his touch, despite it not being the naked hand she preferred. "That wasn't my intention, I only wanted to catch you before the night was too late." He was silent for a few beats. "I wanted to see you before I left." he said and Aeris blinked, gave a questioning look.

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. On an assignment outside of the city." She felt her eyes go wide, she was struck silent for a moment of utter incomprehension. But there was nothing extraordinary about him leaving, or even that his mission lay beyond city limits. She'd just forgotten that it would happen at all, that the massive presence filling up her small space in the slums could so quickly be gone far away. And then she thought again of the those places she'd probably never go. She hadn't thought so much about it since she started seeing him.

She hadn't felt that particular jealousy since they first talked and he told her about how he was free to simply take what he wanted. She hoped it wasn't all there on her face. How far? She wanted to ask.

"How long?" she breathed, looking up at him.

"A few weeks."

"Okay." She said as if just the idea of it didn't make her stomach flip. She resented the feeling a little bit; having existed on her own for years before he came along, two weeks should've been nothing at all. She wasn't so amused when he laughed. It was a soft, rare sound, and it would've been so much better in a more appropriate time. She noticed that about him, those occasional smiles, that very occasional laughter so often came when they talked of things that were potentially somber, terrible.

She supposed she would never understand his sense of humor, that she'd probably never deliberately make him laugh. "What's funny?" she asked, smiling anyway.

"You look as if I'm never coming back." he said and she was embarrassed, did she look like that? She put her hand over the the hand he had on her cheek.

"No, I know you'll be back." she paused. "Is it going to be dangerous?" she asked.

"It's likely." he said with ease, and she gave him a hard look. He changed his tone to one that was more tactful. "But I don't anticipate it being very difficult. I've handled these kinds of matters before." He said flatly, now seeming annoyed at her worrying. Honestly, she didn't care if he was the General or not. Anything could happen at anytime.

"I know, I just-" he smiled and she stopped. "What is it?" she said and he lowered his hand.

"It just seems odd to me that the parts of me of which you know nothing are the ones you believe the most in. And yet you've read the papers, you've read about the Demon General and still worry that an infestation of mutant beasts will be the end of me."

"I don't mean it like that, I just...worry. I know I don't have to, but I do." She said, ignoring his mention of 'mutant beasts.' Those were the kind of details she thought she might be better off not knowing. "And you are _not_ a Demon General." she frowned. "You're _Sephiroth_."

He looked puzzled, then suddenly fierce.

"To you I am." He said and she stilled. She wondered if he was so different in that part of his life that the man she knew was a completely separate thing altogether. "I don't think you would be so confident about it if you had a complete understanding."

She was willing to look past his condescension, only because she could hear the doubt in his words, her very fears spoken. Did he, like her, fear she wouldn't accept him if she saw all of him?

"I would still feel the same way." she said, daring to touch his face. She laid her hand gently on his cheek, angle of his jaw hard against the heel of her palm. He just breathed silently, watched her face as she moved her hand along his cheek and into his hair. She was on her tip toes just to reach.

His hair was silken and heavy against her fingers. She looked to his eyes, mouth. He was already looking at hers. She guided him in this time, controlled their kiss into something slower before wrapping both of her arms around his neck and pressing all of her weight into him. His hands gripped hard into the dips of waist then, and he lifted her up and pressed her to the buildingside, leaving her feet dangling.

But she didn't really notice through the heat of his kisses, which were no longer so sweet or so gentle. She was grateful he had stopped treating her like a glass thing.

She was also glad the night and shadows were there to cover them. She pulled away when she thought about that, how they were technically still in public. He let her down and she tried not to blush. She looked around, then back up at him. His hair was a little tousled from her hands getting in it.

"You're certainly not making it any easier for me to go." he said and she bit back a smile.

"I hoped." she said.

"Really? What would you do if I went somewhere more remote, I wonder?" Aeris looked into his eyes.

"What would you want me to do?" she said, feeling her face warm. He stilled, blinked. His eyes flashed bright green.

"You really are full of surprises." he said and she stared up at him, passed him into the mostly empty streets. She bit her lip.

"What time do you leave in the morning?"

"Seven hundred hours." he said and she gave him a blank look, raised her eyebrows. The sharp edge of his mouth quirked.

"Seven am."

"Oh!" she said, wondering how she couldn't have known that. He didn't remark, only continued to look at her, which was probably more unnerving than it should've been. "Well, I...don't know how far Modeoheim is from here, or if it's a long enough trip to sleep, but if you have a little time and you're not too tired I...want to give you something?"

"Give me something." he said.

"Yes." She couldn't keep from sounding excited, the tremor was there in her voice. "I left it at the church, but if you can't I understand. I know your assignment is probably importan-"

"I can spare some time. As it is, I don't require much sleep, but now I'll admit I'm curious."

"Are you sure?" she said and he crossed his arms, gave her a look. She nodded, and headed back in the direction of the church.

He set in step behind her for a length of the way, but eventually she hung back to walk beside him. She'd been thinking about it a lot, about how discreet they really needed to be. If the Turks already knew about them (which she was sure they did) who could they be hiding from? Granted, Sephiroth's fame was a dangerous thing for the both of them, there were watching eyes even as they walked now-but what harm could really come of it?

As long as she stayed in her sector, she was sure she'd be fine.

She reached out a hand in the dark, extended her fingers towards his. The contact was feather light but the was a hitch in his step when she did that, and he glanced down at her as she attempted the difficult feat of keeping up with his strides and trying to hold his hand.

They didn't get it right away, Sephiroth didn't actually seem like he really wanted to either, and she was pulling her hand back thinking it was too presumptuous until he pulled her around to his other side to hold his right hand.

She didn't argue, and felt the warmth of his hand all the way up into her arm and chest as they fell into stride together. She didn't ask his reasoning but she didn't need to.

"So that I can draw my sword at a moment's notice." he said, glancing down at her and then back to the path ahead of them. At the same time realization dawned, she wondered what he thought could possibly arise in the Sector Five slums for him to have to even think about bringing the monstrous thing out.

"You're lefthanded?" she asked.

"Predominantly yes, though I am able to use both if I need to."

"Oh."

"Though I'm fairly certain I was never a part of the statistical few who are born that way. At an early age, Hojo was adamant I learn to use both."

"Hojo..." she repeated. She wondered what it was about that name that sounded almost-familiar. She shook her head. "Is that your father?" Sephiroth's hold on her hand tightened suddenly, and the warmth was eclipsed by crushing force.

"No_." _he said, eyes narrowed and looking far away. She figured he probably had no idea of his vise grip. "No, I've never actually known my father," he paused, as if he would've liked to have not said it, "Hojo...I can't imagine he would be a father to anyone, or any_thing_ for the matter..."

"But you've known him since you were young?" she pushed.

"Yes, unfortunately. And If were able to, I might've done away with him a long time ago." He said easily. "But I don't have time to waste on fantasy." Aeris was silent, unsure of what to say.

"You think I'm being too harsh." he said, as they approached the dark shape of the church.

"I...don't know." She honestly didn't. Could this man have done something terrible enough to warrant a reaction like that? Or was that just Sephiroth's natural way? There was silence.

"You couldn't understand, your nature is a forgiving one." Sephiroth began softly. " But there are times when forgiveness isn't appropriate and faith is only a willingness to be blind. There are too many undeserving of that kind of mercy, too many waiting for those faithful ones walking around with their eyes shut. "

"And you never shut your eyes?" she asked, ignoring his rather backhanded compliment. He glanced down at her, and then looked ahead again.

"One thing that war has taught me, is that the moment you close your eyes is likely the moment you'll never open them again."

When they came to the church, it was already one am.

Unnatural light from the streets settled bright into his pauldrons and hair when he went to go sit down in a pew near the garden. She ran to the back and got her gift, feeling a little silly now that she held it in her hands. It wasn't expensive, it wasn't even something she bought, unlike the wildly expensive dress she was currently wearing.

"I thought you'd come by earlier, so I brought them here." she said, coming towards him with the tin in her hands. She came to stand in front of him, looked down at the tin and wished that it looked better than it did.

She hoped her mother wouldn't notice it was gone. "Here." she said, handing it to him. He took it, clearly intrigued.

When he opened the lid, she couldn't see his face. He only stared down on her gift, went noticeably still. Did he not like it?

"Cookies." he said.

"I didn't know what you liked so I made a couple different kinds..." he continued to stare down at them.

"You...made these." She nodded.

Maybe he didn't like sweets? He certainly didn't look like he often indulged. Maybe she should've thought of that. He looked up with a strange look on his face.

"Thankyou. No one has ever..." He stopped. "This was very thoughtful."

Her smile was equal parts relief and sadness. So that was it. She promised herself to make more things for him, things that meant something. She sat next to him on the pew, realized she was actually sleepy.

She looked out on her garden, could see that most of them were coming along well. She thought she might tried some different colors, especially if she was going to start selling.

"I never knew my father either." she said suddenly, feeling that she was being watched. "He died when I was very young, so I don't remember." She turned to face Sephiroth. "And I know that if you never know a person, you can't actually miss them but..." She bit her lip, curled her fingers in her dress. "Sometimes I still wonder." She looked into his eyes. Green had always been her favorite color, pink the second. "Do you ever wonder?"

She could tell he was taking her in, silently considering her for truths or too convenient lies, but there was something in his face that she _could_ see, opening for her, seeing her as an almost kindred spirit, hoping for it.

"I do." He said.

She nodded, didn't have anything else to say about it. She sat back against the pew, and they looked out onto the garden side by side.

Sleep was well on its way to claim her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. It was a little uncomfortable with the armor, but all that mattered was that she feel him-feel him breathing, feel him as the tension unwound itself between wherever their bodies touched, and feel him coming open, taking her right hand into his calloused left.

She shut her eyes.

With him, she didn't fear never being able to open them again.

* * *

Author's Note: So...this morning I totally slept through a class I can't afford to miss. But writing this has effectively cheered me up. I think I'm unhealthily excited to write this fic. XD Hope you enjoyed it.


	6. Chapter 6

She had been relying on her own company for a long time, so when the Sunday he was supposed to return came and went, she was surprised to find how disappointed she was. There was a knot in her stomach even as she sank down into her familiar position in the garden, legs folded underneath her, flush against the fertile patch. She knelt there almost like a dozing onlooker, hands and earth in a familiar, but empty dance. It took her a few days to realize it, and when she did she was incredulous, frightened.

She missed him, but not so much to lose the joy in the best constants of her life. The voices had quieted down to whispers in the past weeks, and one afternoon when she looked up to the broken ceiling of the church, the whispers hushed completely. There was total silence. She couldn't remember the times she'd wished for that, but as the usual pillow of sound dissipated, she panicked and wished for it to come back.

Not since she was thirteen had there been a lapse of that constant chatter. She stood up above her garden then, and each yellow flower head was turned to her, blooming or bloomed, there was no work to be done. She held her head, and tried not to think it. But the deliberate silence of the planet and the fullness of her garden told her everything she was trying to ignore, Sephiroth's absence made the lack all too clear.

She was on some kind of aimless, lazy trajectory. She didn't have any real purpose, but to breathe and listen to distant murmurings.

When Aeris left the church that night, there were seven numbers on her tongue. She didn't have her own PHS, but she felt bold enough to use the house phone. Past twelve, she picked up the heavy reciever, dailed his number with trembling fingers.

She kept an eye on the stairs and listened to it ring, chewing on her lip. When the airy sound of silence signaled the line coming open she breathed out, listened for his voice, breath, anything.

"Sephiroth?" she whispered, folding a leg beneath her. She could hear the sound of a soft breath on the other line.

"Flowergirl." He said, and the way his tenor carried through the line, she thought of his fingers threading through her hair that time ago. She smiled at the name, realized she liked it a lot more than she used to when they were just acquaintances. Now, 'flowergirl' didn't sound like some dismissive label, but his own name for her. "Are you in any danger?" he asked, and if she strained she could hear a kind of lilt in his voice, telling her he already seemed to know she was perfectly fine.

"No, I'm fine." Why did the words sound not entirely truthful? "I just thought I'd call." She said, biting her lip. Why_ had_ she called him? She didn't really have anything important to say.

"I thought I would have returned by now as well." He said and she flushed. Was she that easy to read?

"I'm sorry, I know it can't be helped, I just-" _Miss you._ "I thought I would call. Is it a bad time?"

"This is as good a time as I think we'll be able to manage." He said and Aeris sighed at his matter of fact answer. Granted nothing motivating the phone call had anything to do with romance, but his manner really _did_ keep her from getting carried away. She was silent on the line. "Flowergirl." He said at her silence and she blinked, struggled for something to say. What did she want to say?

"You haven't called me that in a while." She said, keeping her voice low.

"I don't feel it would be wise to use your name in an open line, even if it is my personal phone."

So cautious.

"ShinRa couldn't possibly—"

"If want any hope of separating yourself from whatever binds you to them, you ought to think less about what they can't do and more about what they can." She was strangely flattered to hear the subversive tinge in the General's voice, but she could still hear him wondering about her, stopping himself from demanding that she tell him everything. She wanted to steer away from the topic altogether for the time being.

"Can I have a name for you?" she asked, smiling into the receiver. There was a noticeable pause before his response.

"I don't think that will be necessary." He said and she grinned, glad he couldn't see it.

"I know, but it's only fair."

"I didn't say anything about fair._"_ he said, and she tapped her fingers on the dining room table. She was quiet, thinking. "What name are you thinking of, then?" he asked.

"I think….oh, but it's not very creative."

"Go ahead."

"General, I think I like General." He chuckled on the other end.

"Really."

"Yes, do you not like it?"

"No, it's fine. It's only very odd."

"Odd how?"

"Your voice renders the formality very sweet, it's not something I can usually say of my soldiers." He said and she smiled.

"Maybe if I called you sir, that might help."

"I think that might actually make matters worse."

"Do you think so, General sir?"

"I do, flowergirl." He paused. If ever you were one of my soldiers, I don't think I could be trusted to be totally professional." He said, lowering his voice. Her face warmed, and it dawned on her that they were _definitely_ flirting.

"Why not General?" she breathed, feeling feverish but also like she might break out laughing. She didn't do that though, imagined the explaining she'd have to do if she woke up her mother. Needless to say the phone call would also be over.

"Why do you think?"

"I don't know sir, maybe because I'd be terrible at hand to hand." She said.

"Hm, and that just wouldn't do, what with all the soldiers around, thinking very similar, unprofessional thoughts." She put her hand up to her mouth, looked around her as if there was someone to hear their conversation. There was something about having such a conversation on her mother's phone which made it seem all the more inappropriate.

"But you would be there to protect me, right General?"

"That's right."

"And I'd… just tell them that I'm already yours."

"Good." He paused. "_Do_ you know how to protect yourself?"

"Not really, but I'm mainly inside so—"

"That doesn't matter; you ought to learn some form of self-defense. Have you ever dealt with any kind of magic?"

"No."

"We'll have to change that. When I return-"

"Sephiroth, I'm not completely helpless." She said, feeling a bit annoyed.

"You would be against a common dweller in your sector looking to victimize you." She knew it was only out of concern that he would say those morbid things, but in the current mood and even in the spirit she made the call, she felt like she had to prove herself. She wasn't powerless, a purposeless thing looking for a strong man to guide her. It was nice to have, but she didn't need it.

She needed to believe that she didn't need it. But there was a silence in her head and a garden in full bloom saying otherwise.

"I relied on myself for a long time before you met me." She said quietly, almost lower than a whisper.

"If the Turks that lurk around your church and in your bushes are any indication, I would say relying on yourself hasn't been terribly effective." He said and Aeris frowned.

"That's unfair, you don't even know the half of the situation."

"Perhaps you could enlighten me then. If not, I only have my observations to go on." Aeris paled as realization dawned.

"Do you watch me too?"

"Not you, _them_."

"Sephiroth, I've been dealing with this for years, you can't-"

"I can do what I please. Since you handle this strange surveillance with such nonchalance-"

"You don't understand. All my life I've-" she stopped. "Let me take my time with this. Just like you asked of me."

"I simply don't understand why you insist on—"

"I still don't understand a lot of it either. I just-need to do some things by myself, and sometimes when you're gone now…I wonder if I still can." She said, feeling a little ashamed to admit it. But she felt as if she might be getting to the root of the reason for her phone call. "You know, I think I've turned every bit of earth in my garden, I think I've touched it all. Today I looked at my garden, and there was nothing to be done. And it was so quiet…" she paused. "When I was lonely before, it was always enough to have the church and flowers. Now, when you're gone…." she sighed, " You probably think I'm being silly." There was silence on the line, and she felt more vulnerable for it.

"I think I called because I miss you, so much, and it scares me because I don't remember what I did without you." She said in one breath, eyes closed for the first time since she'd been on the phone. "So that's why, I think maybe I need to do some things on my own." There was a long heavy silence before he responded.

"You want to be left alone."

"No, Sephiroth, I just need to believe that I can do things on my own, that I have a purpose beyond waiting for you to come home."

"On your own." He finally said, and she exhaled.

"Yes."

"That's…not unreasonable. Or silly, as it is." She was relieved to find his voice did sound a little better.

"And it would help too if you didn't threaten the few friends I happen to make."

"Who? I've never-"

"Zack?"

"_Zackary Fair."_ By the sound of his voice, she was glad she couldn't see his face.

"Yes, I don't see why not. He seems harmless enough."

"If ever there were a more inappropriate word to describe the boy, _harmless_ would be it."

"If you trust me—"

"It's not you I don't trust."

"He's your friend; he wouldn't do anything to ruin it. And he's so nice, didn't you see how he didn't push when I told him no?"

"Just wait, his persistence is something to be marveled at."

"Haven't I told you that I'm yours?" she smiled, feeling like she was winning. "And he can keep an eye on me when you're gone." She added begrudgingly. She heard him sigh.

"Well, I suppose there is that."

"So? What do you think?"

"It's not as if you need my permission." he said, though he sounded as if he wasn't to pleased with that. She was sure that at the moment if he could actually make himself her superior, he would try to order her his way.

"But I don't want you to be uncomfortable with it."

"No, you should have...friends. In fact, it is Fair who is always preaching on the wonders of friendship." he sighed.

"Thankyou, General."

"Hm."

"And I'm already thinking of what my cart will look like, I'm so excited."

"Perhaps you should start on it."

"Are you trying to get out of making the cart with me?" she said. There was a pause.

"I'm merely suggesting something you can do to bide your time." Aeris wondered if he thought he was sly.

"Sure." She heard some rustling on the other end.

"Hold on-" he said, there was more rustling.

"You have to go?"

"I apologize for being so abrupt, but it appears so. I...I'll see you soon."

"Okay, be..." she was interrupted by the sound of him hanging up. "safe..." she finished in the silence.

The next morning, she got dressed and went to the garden. There she went through the materials Sephiroth had brought by nearly a month ago for her cart. She knew what she wanted it to look like, and yet she had no idea how to go about building it.

Tying her hair back out of her face, she sat down among the materials and tried to visualize what she needed to tackle first. She was used to working with her hands anyway, so it shouldn't be too difficult right? She picked up a plank and held it against her chest, looked again at all the pieces that and tried to figure out how they'd all go together. She was determined to be useful.

"This might be harder than I thought." she said to herself, holding the plank closer to her chest.

"Then maybe I could help?" she jumped at the voice, turned around to see Zack with that same lopsided smile.

"I...you sure have good timing." she said, looking into his blue blue eyes. Though they seemed to have more green than last time.

"I'd like to take all the credit, but the General told me you might want some help with a few things."

Aeris's mouth fell open.

"Oh, he did, did he?" She shook her head, Sephiroth apparently had to have his say somewhere. "He talked to you?" she asked and Zack shifted on his feet.

"Called, yeah." he grinned. "But he didn't order me or anything, I was glad to hear it. Didn't think you'd want to see me, what with the awkwardness of last time." he looked a liitle sheepish. She shook her head.

"No, I was sorry we couldn't have had a better conversation. I was hoping you'd come back after you ruined my roof." she smiled. He laughed.

"Sorry about that." They stood in a pleasant silence. Aeris sighed, decided to ask.

"He didn't threaten you did he?" Her answer was there in Zack's suddenly pale face.

"Uh. No?"

"Zack." he moved around her and knelt to pick up another plank. "What did he say to you?" He rose up held the piece out at arms length. She put her piece down and crossed her arms, gave him a look. Zack sighed.

"Listen, he didn't say anything I probably wouldn't have said to myself in the same situation."

"What?"

"I mean, I asked you out right in front of him. If I'd known at the time I swear I wouldn'ta... I feel like such an asshole, you know?" Aeris couldn't help but pick up on the fear in his voice, and now she was really curious to know what Sephiroth might've said to him. His smile said nothing of fear though, it was bright, honest. "And you're just too pretty for me to repeat it."

She felt her face warm. They both knelt down in the pile of raw materials. He turned to face her, asked her what she had in mind. She noted that he had an especially kind face, but an intent, determined frown that often came to interupt his constant smiles. She could feel his strength, wondered how she always managed to make such strong acquaintances.

Was the planet matching her weakness with strength?

"A flower cart." she bit her lip. "And..I don't want you to do all the work, I want to be a part of it." He laughed.

"I wasn't planning on doing all the work."

When they were deep into the construction, she had already learned he was from the south, that he missed having the sun out all the time, that his mother's name was June, and he liked mess hall mashed potatoes even though they were ShinRa manufactured. She asked him about the sky, and he gave her strange look and told her he liked the the orange ones best.

"Before the night comes." he said. "How about you?" She thought a little, handed him a tool he wanted.

"Blue." she said. "I think blue ones are the best." She lied.

"Those are good too." he said, and then stopped. "You know, you're really good for him."

"What?"

"You're good for him, for Sephiroth."

"I...am?"

"Yeah, he's a lot less...wound up. I wondered what it was, but now I'm pretty sure it's you." She blushed.

"I think he's good for me too." she said, looking down, smiling her own secret smile. She could feel Zack's eyes on her.

"How did that ever happen?" he said, looking curious. She laughed.

"Well, I guess-it's kind of an odd story..."

* * *

Author's Note: I feel guilty that there wasn't more solid Sephiroth/Aeris interaction here, but the next chapter will definitely have that, so stay tuned! Thanks for all the input, I have too much fun reading them, and maybe more fun than I should pondering.


	7. Chapter 7

She'd imagined it a million times in his absence, how she was going to greet him when he came back. She imagined she would be wearing one of her nicer dresses, that her hair would be neat, that it would be on a day the planet was keeping to a reasonable volume. On that day, he'd come through the doors, his mission would've gone well, she'd rush into his arms and he wouldn't be hesitant to hold her back.

Maybe once they were deeper inside the church and not on the public threshold, there would also be kisses. She missed that more than she thought she would, found that her body remembered him like it had its own set of private memories.

Her hands remembered the lines of his jaw and neck, how they set when he kissed her, how he held her hips in so close to his, but mostly, her lips remembered his lips. She remembered textures, breaths and teeth, but couldn't think to when she'd started to crave those things.

To distract herself she wheeled her cart to the edge of the playground near the church, tried her hand at selling flowers. Her first attempt had been disastrous, Zack had insisted he come along to 'more properly gauge the integrity of her cart', but had only scared off her first potential customers. She suspected Sephiroth was using her new found friendship with the soldier to keep an eye on her, and knew she was going to have to talk to him about that when he returned.

But she had never felt such a rush as the times she ventured out alone. It felt like fear and love together, and even if no one came for her flowers, she was happy just to be walking around with her cart of flowers. The rush took her all the way to the edge of the her sector, and just as she meant to cross over to four, there was a voice behind her, soft, high and sweet like she didn't often hear in the slums.

"How do you do that?" it asked, and Aeris cast a longing look at the dark sector beyond her before turning around. There was a girl with brown curly hair standing there, wearing a blue blazer, and matching slacks.

There was something about her though, that corrupted Aeris's schema. A Turk?

"Do what?" she said, wary.

"Grow flowers, you know, here." she asked, eyes slowly picking her apart in a way that made Aeris slightly uncomfortable.

"Who are you?" Aeris asked, and the girl _smiled_, a real smile too.

"Is that really important?" she said, and Aeris met her steady gaze.

"What do you want from me?" That seemed to give the girl some pause, and Aeris was surprised to see pity in her eyes.

"I need you to stay in your sector." she said, almost guiltily. Aeris frowned.

"I'm not going above the plate, why-"

"We're...minimizing your perimeter."

_"What?" _she said, blood draining from her face. "Why?"

"You've compromised yourself by your fraterniz-" Aerith didn't need to hear anymore, could tell the girl before her was reciting words that were not her own.

"Sephiroth." Aeris said, and the other girl's eyes widened. "You're doing this because of him, aren't you?" she asked, furious that they were punishing her for her decision to continue seeing him. She thought of the man she usually saw watching her her from the shadows, wondered if he had a hand in it. The girl didn't say anything, just looked down.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not." she said, "You're not." her hands shook, and she felt her anger deep in her chest. She turned her back on the girl, brought her cart back around with the very intention of running off with it into the next sector while the girl watched but stopped herself. She clenched her hands down on the cart, bit her lip. "I just want to be free." she said, bowing her head against her arms.

She was surprised to feel a soft touch on her back and she turned around. She was surprised to find the soft touch had been the girl's hand, the one that wasn't full with a giant weapon that looked like a star. If she had run, would the girl have used that?

"I understand...wanting to be free. Sometimes I wish I had wings, and that they'd be take me anywhere I wanted. But, you just have to live until it's possible, you know?" Aeris shook her head, but had the strange feeling the girl _did understand_, even if she showed no remorse. "Hey, if I buy some flowers, will you just turn around and go back?"

And despite the gil changing hands, the unfamiliar weight in her pocket as proof of a first sale, it felt sullied. Walking back to her church, she felt shame for her concession, knew the freedom she wanted wasn't something she'd ever be able to trade for, knew that if she wanted it, she would have to take it.

Sephiroth was there waiting in her church when she returned. Unlike prior fantasies, her hair was ruined, her dress dirty and the deep odor of the slums clung to her every inch of skin. She wanted to embrace him, even more to kiss him, but at that moment didn't want to feel the vulnerability.

She didn't want to feel his strength around her, or the hammering of her heart in her chest when he touched her, she wanted to have both her feet on the ground, so she stood in front of him in his long shadow, and told him,

"I wish I was stronger."

He nodded and looked her over as if he might find the reason written somewhere on her.

"And you're no longer so adverse to accepting my help?" Aeris could've glared at him.

"I just wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't...helpless." He looked down at her.

"And did you?" she met his eyes.

"_Yes_. In some ways, but in others I realize I might need help." she said and he smiled, and she wondered if he knew how smug he looked. She tried not to be irritated with him. It _was_ the first time she'd seen him in weeks.

"Tell me what you need." he said.

"I need to know how to protect myself better."

"I can help you with that," he said, face serious. "but you have to be willing to learn, and approach this as if we are nothing more than instructor and pupil." Alarm bells went off in the back of her head. "I will not be cutting you any slack simply because we are romantically involved," he paused and she blushed, "Or because the things we do will very likely be unfamiliar to you."

Aeris looked up at him. There was no unkindness in his eyes, but she was reluctant to agree to that. She only hoped he would show her a few maneuvers or techniques, not initiate a serious training regimen. For one, she didn't know how well she'd take to regarding him purely as an 'instructor,' and second, she wasn't terribly interested in taking up anything too rigorous.

She could've viewed it as broadening her horizons, but it had disaster all over it.

"Maybe if you just showed me a few techniques-"

"We will do this properly or not at all." He said and she just blinked, effectively silenced. "Are my terms disagreeable to you?" he said, a note of uncertainty in his own voice that made Aeris rethink. She thought, he was only technically trying to help. She thought, he _was_ a General and probably didn't really know how else to be, she thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She sighed.

"No, I'll...try." she smiled and he nodded.

"Good. I'll meet you here at oh six hundred hours."

"In the morning?" she breathed, and he nodded.

"Six am, don't be late." he said and she felt herself regretting her acquiescence already. He cradled the side of her face in his hand, a warm touch she'd missed more than she could say. "Or there will be consequences."

Waking up so early might've been easy if she had managed to get any kind of sleep, but she was too anxious thinking about what Sephiroth had in store for her, she was nervous she would let him down too, since he apparently had enough expectations of her for him not to be going easy on her.

At six oh one she arrived at the church, and he was there already, waiting with a large duffel bag.

"You're late," he said, breath visible in the early morning cold. She knew she couldn't be late by any more than a few minutes, and she laughed because she thought he was having fun with her. He wasn't.

His face was stone, and he gave her a once over with eyes that seemed greener in the dim early morning, raised one silver eyebrow.

"Yes?" she said, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

"I only wondered what you expected to do in a dress and sandals." he said and Aeris looked down on herself, realized that he was right. Why hadn't she thought about that? Before she could say anything, Sephiroth was opening the bag, bringing out a uniform of some sort, _and boots, _and she thought oh no, maybe this _was_ a terrible idea...

"Here," he said, laying it over the back of a pew, "I thought this might happen, so I brought these just in case. They're small, so they should fit well enough." he looked up at her. "I'll wait outside, and you can come out when you're ready."

When she stripped down to put on the uniform, she imagined she shouldn't feel anything but very fortunate Sephiroth was even willing to teach her in the first place. He was after all the _world famous_, she made a face, _demon general_, and if she was ever going to learn she would have the best chance with him.

The uniform was actually not a bad fit, only a little long in the legs and when she put on the boots, she mostly wished for a mirror to see how ridiculous she looked. Though when she stepped outside to meet Sephiroth, he looked at her and looked _entirely_ too pleased with himself. She looked away from him, cleared the hair away from her face when the wind blew it into her eyes.

She hadn't had time to braid it up, didn't have any hair ties with her, but out of force of habit she reached back and started to gather her hair together. A gloved hand on hers stopped her cold and she turned to him and gave him a questioning look.

He merely turned her back around, and she let her hands come away as he swept her hair back away from her face, wound her hair up and twisted it through into a knot. He was quick with it, and none of his touches were lingering, none indicated it should've felt good at all, but she found herself having to open her eyes when he was finished.

"This won't come out as easily." he said from behind her and she nodded.

"Do you keep your hair down when you fight?" she asked, suddenly curious. He shouldered the bag and started walking, and she followed.

"Usually." he said, and she waited for him to say something else but he didn't. She looked around them, glad to see no one was out yet. Was that why he'd chosen such an early hour?

"And it doesn't get in the way?" she asked, already missing the comfort of her sandals.

"In particular kinds of battles I prefer to keep it back," he sighed, "I learned when I was very young how difficult it is to wash blood from my hair."

Aeris almost stopped, couldn't think of an explanation for that that wasn't terrible.

"Oh."

They continued for a while in silence and when they came to the end of the sector, Sephiroth stopped.

"We are going to a clearing in seven. Are you comfortable with this?" She her lip, thinking of the female Turk with her pitying brown eyes and large silver star. She thought about the gil now laying on her dresser, about how she'd just toed the line of Four only yesterday, been so close to being as bold as she wished she could be. She had to take it for herself.

"Seven?" she asked, and he nodded, watched her. She looked past Sephiroth into Six.

"Yes. Yes, I'm ready."

He let her step in before him then, and there was a look in his eye daring anyone to stop them.

When they reached seven, an hour might have already passed. All Aeris knew what that she was already feeling tired, hungry. When they made it to the clearing, Sephiroth set down the bag. She looked all around her, found an incredible amount of natural light was coming through, that the ground beneath her feet looked to be fertile at some point in time. Mostly though, it was a sad expanse of land; it was flat, bare and colorless. She was disappointed to know that six and seven were all too similar to five.

Nonetheless, she stretched her arms up and breathed the slightly different air. She was triumphant, even though she still watched for blue suits and had taken Sephiroth's offered hand.

Someday though, and she knew the day was coming soon, she would do it all on her own.

But the beauty of the day didn't last long. She heard Sephiroth's terms in her head like a premonition, had known that agreeing to is offer was a bad idea. She realized it really was at oh seven hundred hours when she ran a few laps, and wanted to collapse halfway through the first, oh seven hundred and thirty when Sephiroth very suddenly appeared beside her (without a hair out of place) on the excruciating second lap and told her that if she stopped she was going to do more, and oh seven hundred thirty one when she said no she absolutely was _not._

She found out all too quickly that his standards were impossibly high, much like the level of his apparent athleticism, and that he really wasn't going to cut her any slack, even though she was clearly no where as fit.

She told him at oh eight hundred hours, that gardening didn't make for muscle, and he told her that still didn't explain why she insisted on punching her targets with her eyes closed. Aeris didn't respond, couldn't tell him that she didn't like it when he _was_ the target, even if he could barely feel it.

Around 9 am, she managed not to think about it and threw a proper punch. Sephiroth told her to do thirty more just like that. She did as he said mostly because arguing with him just made him glare, and made her more exhausted. At oh nine hundred fifteen hours, she told him that if he didn't let her use her knees to do her push-ups, she wasn't going to do them at all.

His concession for the pushups at oh nine hundred and sixteen hours was the sweetest part of the session, and she smiled as she lowered herself to the ground.

After she was finished, he told her to do more and she did them.

He told her to do more after that.

And she did them.

When he told her to go for another run, she said no. She told him that she was not his soldier, she was tired, he wasn't listening to her, and that he was being-

"Unnecessarily mean."

He said she ought to listen to him, she hadn't met her boundaries just yet, and if she wanted to to be stronger she needed to stop complaining, do as he asked and stop acting like-

"A child."

In that hour they both acknowledged she was rather lousy in all categories physical, and that maybe some alternatives were in order.

So at ten, he handed her a heal materia. At ten, it tumbled into her hand and everything felt _connected_, spirit to planet and planet to the glowing ball inside her hand. Something at the core of it was something she felt she already knew intimately, and had known for years. And his voice was soft with mathematics, scientific information on materia synthesis, and as it tuned out, she closed her eyes and felt it all coming out of her.

At ten oh one, they both looked on rather stupidly at all the green around them.

"Exceptional..." he breathed, and she could still feel it in her fingertips and skin. She was glowing, jumping up and down, and he was looking at her like he didn't know what to make of it.

The energy was like a thick, tingling wind, touching them both with soft hands. And his brow was was furrowed when he tipped her head back and looked into her eyes as it carded through his hair with green fingers. His face was changing, seeking realization maybe in his own rational logic, and she wanted to tell him that there wasn't anything rational about it, nothing scientific.

She could've gone into blood lines and planetary connections, but what it really felt like was something that was hers. Power she could claim and _give _with, and she was too happy to form words.

She was so happy, but suddenly very sleepy, and the last thing she saw before darkness was Sephiroth speaking to her, words she couldn't hear.

When she awoke, she was in her flowerbed. Sitting up, she looked around to find Sephiroth sitting silently in an adjacent pew. She rubbed her eyes, and smiled at him. It was dark outside and she felt sore all over.

He didn't smile back.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." She said, looking down at her hands. She realized she was still in the uniform. "What happened?" she asked and he crossed his arms.

"You simply over channeled. The materia responded in kind and emptied your reservoir." he paused. "Material Exhaustion." His watched her. "Despite what you might think, it's mostly rare for first time use."

"Oh." she looked away.

"Do you know why that is?" he asked. But it didn't really sound as if he was.

"No."

"Because in order to over channel, you would have already had to develop the skill and magical components physically to activate without equipping. Endless amounts of practice enable the user to make the appropriate magical connections with a specific materia to do this. To be able to do this with an unfamiliar materia is nearly impossible."

"Can you do it?" she asked, meeting his gaze now.

"Yes. "

"Then-" she stopped when she saw his look, knew it meant she couldn't possibly compare the two of them. She resented it a little, but knew he was mostly right. It made sense for him to be able to do it, and did not make sense for her.

"Are you angry with me?" she asked, incredulous. Wouldn't he be happy that she had done well with it? But even she knew better, any happiness he had for her was totally eclipsed by that _thing_ he couldn't figure out.

He looked away, stood up from the pew. She blinked.

"No." he said. "Only, I might have underestimated the depth of your mystery." Her skin prickled.

"I'm not ready yet." she said quietly, wanting not just to hold onto it a little longer but to more deeply feel her small triumph before opening herself up to him. Was she just procrastinating? Had she made him wait enough? She just wanted him to respect her decision while she figured it out.

"Your reluctance makes that much clear." he said, and she actually felt _guilty._ He started to head out, and she jumped up, went after him.

"Wait." she breathed, and he stopped. "You've seen things in me that you don't understand and feel as if I should tell you, but I...see things too." he turned around to face her. "I can tell when you want me not to pry any further and I always stop, I assume you have your reasons, why can't you-"

"When? I have exposed myself to you in ways I have never dared to do with others." he said, and she knew that he meant it, which made his level of 'disclosure' all the more sad.

She bit her lip, realized she was breathing hard.

"Why did you have blood in your hair when you were young?" she swallowed, went on. "And why are you so adamant about protecting me, why did you act like you did earlier today? Like it was more important than anything we've ever done together?" she added, felt the heat of her face.

He stared at her, jaw clenched. She thought he was going to turn and leave but he didn't.

"The war was supposed to have ended already." he said, looking into her eyes. "I was but a teenager when I and three regiments entered DaChao with the intention of signing the treaty. But the rebellion was refusing to die down, they came with impossible numbers, hid in the dark, in the dirt and mountains themselves. I didn't think it would make a difference, but I found my numbers diminishing. Reluctantly took up my sword. I was often reluctant, in the beginning. But very soon I discovered there was pleasure to be found in war, value in the grotesque. I discovered that fear is more powerful than mercy, produces a greater high than can be matched with a manufactured drug. In men crying for their mothers, the feel of my blade cutting down shadow after shadow, I found comfort. At DaChao, I found another facet of my nature, learned there is a language in blood I speak very well."

Aeris couldn't look away from the glow in his eyes, even though her body was screaming at her to put distance between them. She wouldn't do that.

"As for why I want to protect you, it is only because I know that there are men, ruthless men, who don't care whether you are gentle, kind or defenseless. There was a young woman I met once, who stood in the way of progress in intended to make in order to secure our victory. The daughter of a merchant of rare materia, protecting her departed father's supply, likely for sentimental reasons. She wasn't strong, I could have easily pushed her aside, and she wasn't effectively blocking my way and yet I thought it better just to kill her."

There was a look on his face that was almost regret.

"There are the necessary evils of war, and then there is evil for the sake of evil. I've seen both, and imagine with the current company you attract-" she thought again of the Turk with brown eyes, "you ought to be aware and ready for it."

She was silent, and he looked away from her gaze, as if uncomfortable.

She wanted to go into his arms, but she didn't. She couldn't, and she wondered if he sensed that.

"I hope your questions are answered now." he said softly, and she wanted to badly to reach out to him but she couldn't find the courage to. For the first time, she had words of his to put to the other face she had seen emerge time and time again, a face having nothing of tenderness, humanity.

If she couldn't handle his other sides, could she blame him for not being able to handle hers?

She watched him leave, could only think about the look in his eye when he spoke. And when she peeled the uniform off and stood naked before it as the shower went, she thought of him young, with red, silver hair.

* * *

Author's Note: So definitely a more serious chapter. Funny thing though, this wasn't supposed to be the 'chapter' for this chapter. This one went through few drafts, mostly because I think I got overzealous and wanted to pack to much action in too soon. But since I've spent now seven chapters building up (not a lot at all, but I'm impatient) I tried to keep the pace. But I'm really excited to get into the meat of things soon, and I hope you guys are enjoying the way up and aren't just totally bored. XD Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

The next time he came by, he didn't mention anything of training sessions or war. But there was a tremor still in her hand when she felt him closing in on her, moving silently from the doors to where she sat in the fertile patch. He sat in the bench closest to her, and observed silently. It reminded her of earlier days between them, and for the better part of an hour they sat just like that. Eventually, she looked up at him.

She wanted to tell him that none of it mattered like she had so many times before, but she couldn't find the words. It occurred to her that the thing she wanted most was for him to accept her even once he knew her secrets, but how could she expect that of him when she felt uneasy now, looking into his eyes?

He had only been so honest because she'd asked him to be. Sephiroth's face was dark when he went to stand. Aeris stood, went to reach out to grab his arm but stopped herself.

"Don't go." she said. He turned around, and she felt the familiar impulse to put her arms around him. "I-"

She didn't _see_ the door open so much as the sudden flood of light sweep her church. Sephiroth tensed, and she stepped around to stand by his side. Her heart jumped up into her throat when she saw the two visitors.

"What are you doing here?" Sephiroth asked, moving to block her from view. She stared wide-eyed at both Commanders, disbelieving that they were both standing in her church. She noticed the dark haired Commander's cursory scan of her church before turning to look at them, while the redheaded one did not take his eyes away from them once. She felt the familiar hot strike of fear in an automatic reaction to anything ShinRa, close on the heels of awe. Sephiroth looked less than pleased.

"We were merely curious as to where you were spending so much of your time." Genesis said easily and beside him Angeal sighed.

"I'll admit I was curious too, but now that it's clear there is nothing to worry about, _Genesis_, maybe we should be on our way?" Angeal said, turning towards the doors, clearly not comfortable with the situation.

"Wait, Angeal don't be hasty," Genesis said, looking on at her with a curious look. Aeris felt her cheeks warm, and Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "Aren't you interested to know not just the what, but the who?"

"That is none of your concern," Sephiroth said, seeming annoyed but nothing more. "If it was for you to know, I would have told you. And after this clear invasion of privacy, I am even less inclined. Leave."

Aeris said nothing. From her observations and Sephiroth's generally calm reaction she guessed the papers hadn't completely fabricated the friendship between the three of them. She wasn't surprised to know he hadn't told anyone about them, he had seen for himself the questionable relationship she had with ShinRa and was most likely erring on the side of caution. Still, there was a part of her that wondered if maybe he simply wanted to keep two parts of his life separate.

Again she wondered about his life above the plate, his life among the elite. She didn't fit into that life, and she was sure he knew it. That he might be embarrassed of her wasn't something she hadn't thought about before. She bit her lip, grabbed onto his arm.

Sephiroth tore his eyes away from his friends and looked down at her, surprise hedging out the annoyance.

"I don't mind." she said, smiling, realizing she really didn't. But in the back of her mind she knew how messy her interactions were making things, Zack was already a bit of a risk, and now two more soldiers, _high profile soldiers_, had to be added into the equation. She ignored it all, hoped more that Sephiroth would let her into the other side of his world.

"Whether or not you mind isn't the issue. You know that," he said, frowning, "you know it better than I." he said, referring again to the things she still kept from him. She sighed and let her hands drop back by her sides. It seemed he was never going to let her forget what she was withholding from him. It certainly didn't make her want to tell him anymore than she had.

The tension between them was nearly palpable, and the larger soldier-Angeal, shifted on his feet. Genesis still watched, and Aeris felt very much like a child who'd been scolded.

"Alright," Genesis finally said, breaking the silence. He turned back to Angeal, "perhaps it is time we went. But it was nice to meet you, however brief." He said to Aeris, casting a look at Sephiroth.

When the door closed behind them, Aeris stepped back and folded her arms against her breast. Sephiroth folded his arms as well, and turned to face her.

"I only wanted meet your friends." she said.

"Well now you've met them." he said and she looked away.

"Aren't I allowed to want to know who you are in other parts of your life?"

"You know all that you should." he said and she frowned.

"I think that's something I should decide." she said, disbelieving.

"Do not pretend to have control that you do not, I'll decide what you should and shouldn't know."

She stepped back, shocked.

"Don't...don't talk to me like a child." She picked up her flower basket. "You deliberately keep me at a distance, yet expect me to open myself completely." She looked into his eyes. "Sephiroth, I...can't be the only one." He stepped in towards her.

"If I recall correctly, I gave you the answers you desired the other night, only to find that it has encouraged you to keep your distance, and your eyes away from mine. You have made clear that though you claim to want to know me, you are not so ready for any unpleasant truths."

The truth in his words struck her like a closed fist. She _had_ been frightened, she _had_ struggled to meet his eye after hearing his sordid stories.

"Sephiroth-"

"The more you know, the more you will know my warnings to be true."

"No, I may have been afraid," she looked away, "but never enough to stay away. But how can I know if it will be the same for you? Will you still feel the same, if you know?" she said with her eyes closed, speaking her fear aloud for the first time. "Can you tell me that you will still want to be with me, once you know?"

A lot of things could be said about Sephiroth, but he was no liar. She knew that much. He said nothing. That was answer enough. It was unfair of her to ask him such a question, but it was the thing she feared the most.

She went to leave, but turned back around. She bit her lip.

"Please, don't follow me." she breathed, thinking as she passed the doors that it was the first time she wasn't watching _him_ go.

And he didn't follow her, at least not at first. Maybe an hour before evening, he appeared at her window. Surprised, she went over and open the window to find him hanging easily onto the side of her house. She thought it was odd but didn't ask, though she'd always wondered how he'd made it into her room without a ladder or so much as a foothold.

He climbed gracefully into her room and the first thing she noticed was that he wasn't dressed in his usual armor. His attire was not too different, still the same dark neutral colors. He wore a black shirt with black slacks, and looked so alien without the heavy armor, it brought an unconscious smile to her face. He of course, still had his sword slung at his hip.

She tried to not to stare, but he cut such a stern, starkly handsome figure against the soft backdrop of her room, the dissonance left her a little breathless. She looked to his eyes, and remembered the tension between them.

"Did you want something?" She said, self consciously smoothing out her plain cotton pajamas.

"Yes, I..." he smoothed out a crease in the sleeve of his shirt, apparently not too fond of the change himself. "I wondered if you would join me for dinner." he said, and she stilled. What a question to ask after the conversation they'd just had.

Looking at him standing there, how could she be expected to say no? But that was what she planned on saying until Sephiroth continued, clearly ready for her refusal.

"Genesis and Angeal will be with us as well." he said and her eyes went wide. He was...asking her to have dinner with his friends? She was shocked, suddenly guilty.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to-"

"Aeris, do you think that I can be forced into anything?" he said and she smiled and clasped her hands together.

"This is great, thankyou Sephiroth." she said, making sure her voice was hushed. She went over and locked her door for insurance. Having her mother walk in on them wouldn't be good. She spun around and went to her closet.

"I'm so excited, what do I wear?" There was no answer and she turned her head to find Sephiroth was still standing straight as a rod in the middle of her room. "You can sit down if you want." She said, smiling as Sephiroth settled gently onto the edge of her bed. The bed dipped towards the floor with his weight, and she looked back into her closet.

"Now, what should I wear?"

"Anything you like." he said and she sighed.

"Sephiroth, at least tell me where-" she jumped when she realized Sephiroth was standing behind her. She watched as he reached a hand over her shoulder and pushed her clothes aside on the bar, stopping at a simple white dress. She watched his fingers skim the material of the dress before he took his hand completely away.

"That one seems appropriate." he said and she tapped her chin, turned around to face him.

"Where are we going?" she asked nervously, suddenly thinking of her much smaller perimeter. "I can't go very many places." she said, finding her joy draining immediately. Sephiroth touched her cheek.

"We will go anywhere we please." He said, and she supposed none of the Turks would dare do anything while he was with her. "Get dressed." he said, and she pulled out the white dress and told him to sit back down and turn around. She wondered offhandedly if she was becoming too reliant on him for her own safety. She felt like she should've been more worried that they were apparently going somewhere prohibited, but she found she wasn't. She found she was confident she would be protected, more motivated to simply have what she wanted.

She wondered how long she could disobey without encountering the kinds of consequences she had feared for so long.

Just as he had that time before, he kept his eyes dutifully away while she shed her clothes. Once she was only in her underclothes though, she stopped. She imagined being bold enough to have him turn around, watch her. She thought about how that might feel, for him to see what no other man had, for him to see everything, with nothing in the way. Blushing, she pulled her dress on and told him it was alright.

Soundlessly he turned back to face her, and she held two pairs of shoes out to him.

"Which ones?" she asked, and he looked up at her from his seat on bed, bemused.

"Does it really make a difference?" he asked with one raised eyebrow, and she did not move from in front of him, continued to hold out her choices.

"Of course it matters, if we're doing a lot of walking than I'd wear these, and depending on where we go than I-"

"Choose the more comfortable pair." he finally said, just as practically as she should've expected. She nodded, not without a bit of a longing glance towards the higher ones. She'd never had a chance to wear those. She paused, decided she was going to wear those anyway. She put the more comfortable pair down at the foot of the bed and Sephiroth gave her an odd look.

"I'm not certain why you asked if you had already decided which pair to wear." he said and she smiled as she leaned over to pull on her shoe, wobbling only slightly before Sephiroth's hand shot out to stable her. She glanced up at him in surprise, but didn't let go of his hand, which was remarkably still, even in midair. To put on her other shoe she found her hand wandering up the solid length of his arm to curl around his shoulder. Stable, but still a little weak kneed, she bent down to put on her other shoe.

She rose up, taking her hand away from its position on his shoulder. He stood up as well, and brought a bundle from behind his back she hadn't even noticed he'd come in with. When it folded out, it appeared to be a dark, hooded cloak. She nodded.

He helped her into it and she pulled the hood over her head, as once again the gravity of what they were doing settled heavily in her stomach. She shut off the lights, and watched the dim outline of his shape as he climbed out of her window and landed silently into her garden. He looked up at her from the flower bed, and held out his arms.

She looked out at him, and for an instant felt as though these were lines she would never be able to uncross. Everything in her seemed to to know it, and everything that was a part of her. Down in the garden, each yellow flowerhead turned up bright towards her, just as his eyes did, and she looked back at them, jumped.

It only became clear to her that they would be going above the plate when they reached the train station. A strong sense of deja vu followed her all the way there, and when they stood at the stairs, she stopped, just as she had before. It was such a time of night that some of the main trains were clearly still running, and it seemed so much louder than before.

She thought of her mother, looked down to the bracelets on her wrists. She felt the chill of real, unfiltered air. She could taste the dirty tang of it in her mouth. She was frozen, and totally aghast, could barely believe she was having such a reaction.

Sephiroth reached for her hand, as he had once before, but this time she didn't take it. She shook her head and Sephiroth let his hand down, watched her. She thought of everything in that moment, her mother, the 'special' blood currently rushing through her veins, the dark, flat gaze of the Turk who'd been watching her longest. She thought of the agency she would have to take if she ever wanted to be strong.

She took each stair slowly then, not because of fear, but so she would remember the feeling. On the top stair where Sephiroth stood, she realized the feeling was _power. _It reminded her of the instant Sephiroth had let that green materia fall into her hand.

They headed to the eight train. Aeris looked all around her for any tell tale hints of blue suits, but also at the faces. There were so many people walking around, and she realized that no one was really looking at her at all. Every person seemed too preoccupied with themselves to pay any special attention to her. It made her heart swell, and she smiled underneath the hood when she noticed all the eyes in her direction had everything to do with Sephiroth.

People _were_ looking at him, trying not to stare, but it didn't seem to phase him at all. When they settled into their seats on the train, she wondered if it would be appropriate to hold his hand in public. _In public,_ she thought, feeling high. She wanted to _just because_ they were in public, but she thought better of it. She sat on the inside next to the window and he sat on the outside near the aisle.

Arm to arm and hip to hip, they sat side by side and she looked out of the window as they rose steadily above ground. She put her hand against the glass when a different sky rose with them. One she didn't recall ever seeing. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the sun hanging low on the horizon. It was almost gone but it was _there_, and she couldn't believe it. It was bright in a deep orange streak of sky, and she turned excitedly to Sephiroth, to find his eyes filled with the dying sunlight.

It made his hair golden instead of silver, and she stared in admiration, found that they were both covered in the warm tint. Suddenly though, he turned his face away from the sun, and back into the cold shadow of the aisle. He didn't seem to care for it as much as she did.

She turned back to the window and beamed. It was beautiful.

When they got out into the city, Sephiroth was quick to get a taxi. She knew as well as he that the actual city was more dangerous territory. Aeris was rapt with Midgar, its lights, bustle and sheer _height_ were nothing short of amazing and yet when they moved into the taxi Aeris was glad for the quiet. Midgar, was incredibly overwhelming. Her fear returned as she huddled against the door of the cab and looked out into the city, her stomach flipped when she thought about meeting Sephiroth's friends.

She went stock still when they pulled up to what was very obviously the ShinRa corporation. She looked at Sephiroth as if he were mad. He just paid the driver, and told her to come with him.

"There's nothing to fear." he said.

She wasn't entirely convinced when the cab drove away from them. She had to stop herself from holding onto him, but staring up at the giant tangle of metal, she felt her fear grip her with a strong cold hand. Where were they going?

"Where are we going?" she breathed, folding her hands together so they wouldn't tremble. When he didn't answer, she didn't move. "Sephiroth." she said, the fear all too clear in her voice.

"It is more dangerous for us to continue to stand here, we need to move quickly." he said, and she stood where she was, regardless of how unwise it was.

"Aeris." he said with some annoyance.

"I..." she looked at the corporation again.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, extending his hand. She looked him in the eye for a long moment before taking the hand.

"Yes."

And she did trust him, but couldn't help the feeling of foreboding as they entered the complex.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay, this was pretty mean of me, but the next chapter will likely be out a lot sooner than this one. You guys are the best, and I hope you enjoyed the read. Oh, and if the rating on this does go up, I'll probably just keep this particular story edited to T, as in it will be edited so that there is no M rated stuff in here, but I'll probably post unedited versions (M chapters) as separate chapters on my account that you can either read or ignore. See you soon!)


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is rated T, because it is edited. The M version is posted as a second chapter nine (next chapter) in this story, tagged 'Chapter 9 M.' Ignore or Read at your leisure, not reading the M version won't leave you out of any major plot points.**

They entered the compound on light, quick feet and Sephiroth moved them through a number of checkpoints requiring his id. She held her breath and kept her head down the whole time, feeling as if any moment she could raise her head and meet the eyes of someone in blue, or someone in white. Even as she followed him, listened distantly to the long, high buzz of the compound letting him passed the checkpoints, the truth was right at the tip of her tongue.

Not necessarily because she was ready to tell him, but just so that she could go back and not increasingly deeper into forbidden territory. When they stepped into the elevator, she felt as if they were rising for an eternity of levels. Just as she was about to grip his hand, the elevator jerked to an unexpected halt. Thrown violently off balance, she lurched forward towards the doors.

Her heart was in her throat when she stepped back to the spot she'd been standing in before. At once she lifted her head, and instantly met the roving gaze of a corner camera. She spun around immediately, so that her back was to it.

"Calm yourself. This is not anything that hasn't happened before," he said standing facing the camera. "Though you would think this would have been fixed a while ago."

"How can I be calm?" she breathed, bending her face into her hands.

"Do you doubt my ability?" he asked and she lifted her face from her hands, didn't know what to say, mostly because she wanted to say so much. She thought he seemed particularly arrogant, assuming he could handle any trouble she brought their way. She thought his arrogance was her fault, for how little she'd told him.

"No, it isn't that. But I…I shouldn't be here." She breathed.

"Yes, I at least understand that much. But I simply want to send a message." He said and she bit her lip as a terrible thought occurred to her. She didn't want to think ill of him, but part of her wondered if he was merely anticipating her, putting her in such a pressing situation so that she _would_ tell him everything. She looked up at his face. _Do you trust me?_

"I want to let them know that our interactions are not open to regulation. That we will do as we please." He said, and there was a disconnected, girlish part of her that might've called it romantic, but it wasn't. For the first time, she felt as if she were the practical one, if only because he was not at all properly informed.

If he was aware of the whole situation, would he see it her way? She turned away, found she didn't like his posturing regardless. How necessary was it to go this far to prove a point?

When the elevator started moving again, she breathed a long sigh of relief. Moments later they stepped out into a finely furnished hallway. It was nicer than anywhere she'd ever been before.

"Where are we?" she asked, wide-eyed.

"The 1st class soldier floor." he answered, and she stopped.

"Really? You live here then?" She asked, surprised that he would bring her to the place he made his home.

"I do." he said, looking down at her. "But we won't be having dinner there, Angeal has graciously offered his quarters for the evening." he said and she felt her nerves again. It wasn't as if she'd ever been to Sephiroth's quarters but she and Angeal were practically strangers. She felt she was justified in the fear she felt entering the space of a SOLDIER she wasn't familiar with. She said nothing, determined at least not to ruin what Sephiroth had laid open for her.

Sephiroth knocked once at a door closer to the end of the hall and almost immediately it was opened. Genesis was standing in the doorway, dressed not in armor, but fine clothes.

"Good, you made it." he said, stepping aside so they could enter. Immediately the smell of food wrapped around her with warm savory arms, and she almost forgot the tight coil of nerves in the pit of her stomach. When Sephiroth helped her out of the cloak and went to go put it away in a nearby closet, she looked around.

Angeal's quarters were warm and unpretentious and in another situation she might've felt instantly comfortable, safe. She imagined she _should_ feel safe in an apartment with three elite soldiers.

Either that or completely terrified.

When Sephiroth returned to her side, she rose up on her toes despite the heels, and whispered in his ear a question of whether or not she should use his friend's titles or not.

"That won't be necessary." he said, a very slight smile on his face.

"That's right, there should be no formality tonight." Genesis said as he passed them on his way to the kitchen. Aeris gave Sephiroth a startled look, shocked that Genesis had heard what she'd whispered. Sephiroth sighed.

"Solider hearing is especially acute." he said and she nodded, she knew that. She just didn't know _how_ acute. She and Sephiroth wandered into the kitchen.

"Hey Seph...Aeris!" she turned quickly around, smiled when she saw Zack come away from where he'd been hovering over the stove near Angeal. There was a moment she was sure Zack was rushing forward to embrace her, but seemed to glance at Sephiroth and reconsider. He instead slowed his momentum and patted her rather awkwardly on the shoulder, and she laughed. Zack's eyes were bright with his own laughter.

"I wasn't aware you would also be joining us for dinner." Sephiroth said calmly, though no one in the kitchen was entirely fooled. She gave him a good, long look that he promptly ignored. Genesis looked between them with some amusement.

"He insisted that he come too, in light of the fact that there would be homemade food." Angeal said, and Aeris noticed Zack had already moved a couple of feet away. She sighed.

"You made all of this?" Aeris said, feeling a bit discomfited as all bright eyes shifted towards her. She tried not to be nervous, wondered if all of them could hear the hungry grinding of her stomach. Angeal laughed and she liked the sound of it.

"I attempted more like. This is homemade food from the restaurant across the street." he said and she smiled.

"Line by line from the menu actually, though that was Zack's idea." A sudden female voice said, and Aeris spun around to see the owner, finding something about it that sounded terribly familiar. She paled at the sight of the pretty, curly haired girl standing across from her. Zack came forward, motioned to the girl.

"Aeris, Cissnei. Cissnei, Aeris." He smiled between them, the bright-eyed picture of blissful ignorance. Aeris tried to keep the horror from her face when Cissnei offered her hand. It was softer than Aeris's own earth hard hands, and for a moment she thought of that giant metal star. No one could've guessed.

"It's nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you." She said, smiling. Aeris just stared, silent. She cast a look at Sephiroth and it was the strangest feeling to look between Cissnei's eye and his to know the three of them were privy to things the rest were not. Cissnei though, knew everything. The most Sephiroth knew was that she was a Turk. Clearly that was enough for him to gauge their situation as a dangerous one. She felt her stomach clench at the dark look on his face. His lip curled.

"Are there any more unexpected guests who have yet to immerge?" he asked, and Angeal gave him a stern look.

"I think Zack's guest should be a comfort for Aeris," he said, coming away from the counter, "some female company to make an evening among so many men more bearable." He smiled and Aeris thought it _might_ have been nice in any other instance.

"Indeed." Genesis said, rubbing his shoulder. "And if you ladies wouldn't mind, I'll need some help setting up for our dinner." Aeris nodded dumbly, and Cissnei said something she didn't hear. Aeris felt Sephiroth's hand on her shoulder. Already wound up, she jumped rather conspicuously and reddened when everyone looked at her.

"Come," he said to her and she took his hand. "We will return shortly." He said and Genesis smirked.

"Oh, we'll start setting up then, no need to rush." Sephiroth glared at him, and her face went hot at the sound of Zack's quiet laughter.

Sephiroth shut them both up in the bathroom and Aeris immediately crumbled to the side of the tub.

"I…I did not forsee this." He said with some anger, and she noticed, with some apology. She looked up at him, found her hands were shaking. "In fact, I thought this would be safer than a more public alternative."

Aeris looked at the tile, stared off into space. Sephiroth ran a hand across his own face.

"Is there any way this could be a coincidence?" She tried, "I mean…Zack couldn't have known—"

"Turks know nothing of coincidence." He said, and she looked into his eyes. He turned towards the door. "We can leave." He said and she shook her head.

"No. They would all notice, and I don't know how much I can explain. It's better to act as if nothing's wrong." Aeris rose to her feet. "She's not going to say anything." She wasn't really sure about that, but knew containing her secret was first priority. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't in any immediate danger if Sephiroth stayed close.

He seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"I will make sure you are safe tonight." He said, and his voice betrayed his desire to know the specifics. Also in his voice was a viciousness she'd never heard before, and it almost made her fear for Cissnei, who seemed to be just a girl in so many ways. Sephiroth held her shoulder and she looked into his eyes. She was still shaking.

"Sephiroth," she bit her lip, "I…I'm scared." She said, almost incredulous. She was always scared, but now with so many things happening, so many things to lose, she felt it more potently than she ever had. She felt strange admitting it, and he held her trembling hand still.

"They should be scared of _me."_

When she went to go help set up, Genesis and Cissnei were nearly finished. Cissnei was already pouring the sixth glass of wine. The two of them worked in complete silence, and when she stepped in they both raised their heads.

"Here." Genesis handed her a cloth napkin, and she heard Sephiroth and Angeal talking farther off in the kitchen. She looked at the ones he'd already folded and tried to copy it exactly, but couldn't quite get it. He looked on with some mirth. "Like this," he said and she studied the motions of his hand, "I would think you'd be better with your hands." He said, finishing with a snap of his wrist and fingers.

She thought it was funny that he would make such a show out of a little thing, and smiled.

"Why?" she asked, picking up her own napkin. His eyes were serious then, a murky blue.

"Those flowers in the church of course." He said and something about it made her skin raise. She kept her head down and worked on the napkin.

"You're still doing that all wrong." He said, and she stopped and looked at him.

"I guess I've always just had a green thumb." In the kitchen she heard Angeal's voice say _she's very young _and when Genesis looked up, she was certain he'd heard it too.

"Have you just." He said, looking at her. He rubbed his shoulder. "I'll admit it's very interesting-

"What's interesting?" she asked quickly, realizing the panic had fast risen to her voice. She avoided his eyes, squeezed the napkin between her hands. He smiled with no real mirth.

"The pair you and Sephiroth make. From what I can see, you are young and have a talent for creating life. Sephiroth, well…if you've picked up any newspaper, you know that he very often deals in death, as all of us do. It's wonderfully ironic." Aeris frowned.

"Not everything in the newspapers is true." She said, and he nodded.

"Too true. But you would be surprised what is. Or maybe you wouldn't. Sephiroth seems remarkably open with you."

"Sometimes. He's very protective."

"And shouldn't he be?" Genesis said. "I don't imagine there are many girls like you." He said and she realized they had long forgone the folding.

"Like me?" she asked, fingers trembling. He raised his chin and looked down at her with a curious look that made his eyes bright.

"Yes, you are quite…unusual." He glanced over his shoulder to the hallway and then back at her. "Don't you see that you are?"

She looked at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say. "There is so much filth around us Aeris." He said and her name never sounded more like a weapon. "And I see none on you. It's no wonder Sephiroth wants to protect that, or perhaps take it for himself." He smiled. "That kind of purity never lasts long, does it?"

The light cast Genesis' shadow at the side of them, and she looked to it as Cissnei came forward, glanced between them.

"I think we're ready to bring the dishes out now."

When they all finally sat down Aeris was still thinking about Genesis gentle, damning words. She noticed with a start that every one of their prepared places already had a half full glass of wine. She paused curiously, though she had never taken a drink before, she didn't think it would do any harm to try it. She reached for the glass, and Genesis raised an eyebrow, while Sephiroth was clearly poised to stop her outright.

"Let her be Sephiroth." he said, waving a hand, turning to look at her. "Though you might want to eat _something_ before you drink any of that." She nodded and took her hand away, and noticed Zack was grinning from across the table.

When they had all filled their plates, the questions started. She hoped that they didn't ask any that she couldn't answer.

"So do you work?" Genesis asked, cutting into a piece of fish without looking down at it. She swallowed her mouthful of food.

"I grow flowers, I sell them too but I'm better at growing them." she said.

"Really." Genesis said, and Aeris didn't understand the hard look that Sephiroth shot at his friend.

"People below the plate are very suspicious." she said simply, and Angeal nodded.

"Well actually, I think it was my fault. The first time we went out, people just kept running away from me." Zack said, laughing.

"That was because you kept running at them like you wanted to attack them." She said, joining into his laughter. Angeal smiled, but they were the only ones laughing. Sephiroth didn't seem to understand why it was funny, or even want to, Genesis was silent and Cissnei only looked between her and Zack with an undecipherable look.

Aeris stopped laughing.

"If she went out alone I'm sure her sales would be through the roof. Could you turn down a flower if she asked you to buy one?" Zack said, still laughing. When he looked at Sephiroth, he stopped mid guffaw, went quiet.

"Well, plenty of people do." She said, blushing.

"Maybe if you moved your business above the plate?" Angeal said, and she looked at him.

"I-"

"Can you pass the potatoes Zack?" Cissnei asked very suddenly and Aeris stared at her, not sure if her interception was out of grace or something else.

"So, how did you meet Sephiroth?" Genesis asked, and Sephiroth took a drink of his wine.

"Perhaps you could tell her something of yourselves, so she might be free to eat." Sephiroth said, and a tension settled over the table. She took a drink of her wine, grimaced. It was good, but very strong. Angeal nodded.

"Well, Genesis and I are from Banora. I don't know if you know it-" when she shook her head he smiled, "it's small, but beautiful. That's actually where this wine is from."

"That's right, but aside from a small wine export trade I'm afraid there's not much there." Genesis added.

"Do you ever miss your home?" she asked. Genesis paused, and looked at her.

"I can't say I do." there was such conviction in his eyes she looked away, didn't know what to say for a few silent seconds.

"Really?" Cissnei said, and everyone turned to her. "But that's your home—"

"In all honesty, I wouldn't expect a Turk to understand. I do not mean it disrespectfully, but the nature of your job in disconnection, is it not?"

"Not entirely," she looked into the air, "the memories are still there."

"Of course they are Ciss." Zack said, aiming a look at the redheaded commander. Cissnei smiled a real smile at Zack, and Aeris looked on in understanding.

"How did you both meet Sephiroth?" Aeris asked to divert the topic, and Angeal took a drink from his glass. Her head felt very light, and she felt suddenly warm.

"I suppose war made us friends," he looked off into the distance, "Sephiroth was young, but not so different from how he is now."

"Yes." Genesis nodded. "You've probably gathered by now how painfully practical he can be," he rubbed at his shoulder, and she realized Genesis had been doing that all night, "he was just the same as a boy."

She giggled when she imagined it, Sephiroth glanced down at her with a wry look. She let him move the wine glass away from her. She'd had enough.

After dinner was finished, Zack insisted that she and Cissnei come with him to go get the dessert. She reminded herself to act normal, and felt Sephiroth's eyes on her as she left the table with a soldier and a Turk. She figured as long as Zack was there she'd be okay. Once in the kitchen, she breathed out. Zack leaned against the counter.

"I know, but relax. I'm pretty sure they both like you." he said and she put a hand to her forehead. She felt warm with fever.

"You think so?" Zack moved forward towards her, and the movement made her feel like she was moving.

"Of course I do," his face darkened, "who wouldn't?" she blinked, and his smile opened bright and slow. His teeth were very white, she thought. "You're _so_ plastered right now." he said, laughing as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to get something or other. She didn't remember if he said he was leaving, but she knew she should feel panicked.

Farther away, Cissnei was ducking down to get the dessert that was staying warm in the oven. Aeris bit her lip, grabbed a potholder from a nearby hook and handed it to the girl. Cissnei took it, and turned back to the open door of the oven.

She stared into the heat, and slid the potholder firmly over her hand.

"You shouldn't have come here." she said in a low, sweet voice.

"I know." Aeris said, ears prickling with the sound of whispered chatter in the dining room. Cissnei grabbed the pie and kneed the oven door closed.

"Then why did you?" she asked, putting the pie on the counter. Cissnei's eyes were sharp and it occurred to Aeris that they were exactly the same height.

"I..." Aeris looked away, hated that she even had to explain herself. "I guess I wanted to pretend tonight, that things were normal."

"Pretending doesn't change anything. It's the same as dreaming." she said.

"You don't dream?" Aeris asked, clasping her hands in front of her.

"No...I, not anymore." She turned away and grabbed a knife from the drawer. Aeris fought the urge to step away. Cissnei cut into the pie. "Not like Zack. All he knows are his dreams." She looked up to the ceiling. "It's like...there's no room for anything else."

"Oh." Aeris said, stunned by the sudden disclosure. She looked around awkwardly.

"Maybe I could talk to him for y-"

"Don't." Cissnei said, eyes hard again. Aeris was wary, wondered if having wildly different faces was just a part of being employed by ShinRa. She remembered that the same girl before her had been poised to do her harm not so long ago. "We're not friends, don't pretend we are."

There was something about Cissnei's look that seemed as if she wanted to say otherwise. Aeris stepped in closer despite herself.

"You don't have to do what you're doing, you can be something else." Aeris said and Cissnei just looked at her, gaze steady, lacking any of the warmth constantly in and out of her eyes.

"No I can't." She shook her head. "And neither can you." She picked up the pie and started out towards the dining room. "Leave, while you still have the chance."

Right on the heels of Cissnei's soft words, Sephiroth strode into the kitchen.

"We're leaving." He said. Cissnei had already disappeared into the next room, but Angeal and Genesis had also immerged from the dining room.

Angeal was frowning and Genesis looked incredibly smug.

"Sephiroth, it's not necessary for you to leave, Genesis-"

"No, let him sulk. He is a proponent of the truth, only if it is convenient for him-"

"You know _nothing_." Sephiroth said, as she put on her coat and tried to look elsewhere.

Aeris watched as Zack and Cissnei floated out into the kitchen. Sephiroth grabbed her hand and pulled them both towards the door. Zack looked confused, but shrugged and waved good bye. Cissnei just watched.

Genesis was coming forward to say something but Sephiroth had already opened the door and walked them both out. When the door shut, they were already halfway down the hall. She struggled to keep up with his long strides, not saying anything. It was clear that he was disturbed, but it was more the fact that she could see it that sent alarm bells off. She listened to the sound of their footsteps in the carpeted hallway for a while before he stopped at a door farther down.

He paused then, stared at the door.

"Perhaps I should take you home now." He said, sounding weary. Aeris wondered if he was not going to elaborate on what had just happened back in Angeal's quarters. But then she looked at the door as well, felt herself come into the present moment.

"Is…this where you live?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Yes." He said and she felt a chill race the length of her spine. He laid his gloved hand flat against the door.

I'd like to see it," she bit her lip, "if you want me to."

He took a few more silent seconds, and then slid his key card through. When they entered his apartment, they were both silent. Her heart was in her throat, and no matter what she did she couldn't swallow it down.

"It's.._._really _big."_ She breathed, wondering that one man would need so much space.

The flat was very spare, but immaculate. She went to the dim light the kitchenette cast in the dark apartment.

"Angeal didn't think it would make for a proper setting for a dinner." He said and Aeris silently agreed, there was nothing warm at all about his quarters. But it suited him. She wondered if it was just the drink that made her feel heady as she scanned his apartment, realized he had brought her into his private space.

She moved freely around, found the bathroom, a large bay window at the back with a balcony, and not much else. She looked for a moment at the city laid out beyond the window. Looking down into Midgar, she felt disbelief that she was actually seeing it that way, lying bright and open beneath her. A sweet vertigo struck her and she hung for a while in it, felt Sephiroth come to stand beside her. He looked down into the city with a dark face.

"I was a fool, to bring you here." He said and Aeris looked into the city too.

"I wanted you to." She said. "So I'm a fool too." She hoped for a smile, even though her own stomach was churning. His expression hardened.

"Yes, you are." He said, jaw clenching. "Why else would you waste your youth on me, why trust me?" She was shocked by the sudden vitriol. She was so taken back she couldn't speak. "What other reason could there be than that you are too young, too naïve to understand what you are opening your arms to?"

"Stop it." She said, backing away. He turned, eyes brighter than the lights in the city below them.  
"And you did understand, that night I told you of war. You were afraid." He turned back to the window. "As you should've been."

"Yes, I was. But, it doesn't matter, that's not all of who you are."

"How would you know who I am?" Aeris turned away.

"You don't really know who I am either." She said quietly, and he turned back to her then. "But you keep on coming back, does that make you a fool?"

"_Yes."_ He said. "It makes me many things, a man taking full advantage of a girl too naïve-" Aeris paled, frowned.

"You think you're taking advantage?" She thought of Genesis' words to her. "Is this what you were fighting about with your friends?"

"Is this not strange to you?" he asked, and she suddenly knew. Genesis. What kind of friend didn't want his friend to be happy? "I'm not…open, generous. I do not…laugh easily." Aeris blinked, didn't know where he was going with it. "I see the way you and Zack interact. The two of you-"

She couldn't believe it. It never occurred to her that his feelings about that went beyond a kind of possessiveness. Even though she had to admit that she and Zack were probably more compatible, definitely more alike, she didn't think of him that way. She wondered how Sephiroth even thought it was contest.

"Sephiroth, I only want you." she said, going forward to wrap her arms around him. "I don't even know what I'd do with easy, or normal."

She looked into his eyes.

"And maybe I want you to take advantage." She said, blushing. His eyes flashed, and she hadn't thought about it until then how long it had been since they'd kissed. She felt his hands slide down to her waist, remembered then how much she missed their strength.

"Do you." She nodded and rose up on her toes, realizing they had never bothered to turn on the lights. He kissed her then, soft then rough, soft then rough, as if he wasn't certain what she would let him take.

She pressed her fingers deep into his neck, and kissed him back with pouted, open lips, hips in towards his. She couldn't believe she had forgotten what kisses on her neck felt like, what his breath sounded like in her ear.

Her breath was short when he took his hands away to rid himself of his gloves. She looked up at him with a dreamy expression, thought for a moment how strange it was that she was ready to give her body to him sooner than even the secrets of her blood.

She felt his bare hands against her neck, shoulders and open vertebrae of her back, his hand rest gently at her zipper but then stop. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to stop, or keep going.

"I-" She stopped when his phone rang. He sighed pulled his hair back away from his face, flipped his phone open.

"Sephiroth." He answered, nearly through his teeth. She listened to him talk on the phone, thinking it was terrible he'd have to take a phone call at such an hour.

When he flipped his PHS closed, he ran a hand across his face. Scowled.

"This..." he exhaled, "apparently needs my immediate attention." Aeris blinked, wanted to ask him to stay but he seemed determined to deal with the interruption.

"I'll return quickly, stay here and unlock the door for no one." He picked his sword up, and she nodded, watched him go.

She counted the seconds, found she felt odd by herself in his large, cold space. After fifteen minutes when he hadn't come back, she went to the bathroom and washed her face. She looked at herself in the mirror, as if expecting that she might look a little different after what had happened. She didn't.

She looked just the same as she ever had, and she smiled at herself. With a sudden strike of panic she looked at the bathroom clock, thought about her mother.

She let her eyes follow the second hand twice around. On the twentieth second of the third time around, she heard a noise in the living room. Smiling, went quickly out into the living room, loose hair wild around her face.

She still heard the clock ticking when her steps halted, and she looked into a face that was not Sephiroth's.

* * *

Author's Note: So, probably another cruel place to leave it, but hey, this chapter was a bit longer than it was supposed to be? I really went through it with this one. It has been revised like crazy. But off topic, did any of you avid Sephiroth fic readers notice that fanon always has his living room having some kind of leather chair/couch? I thought that as I wrote a leather couch into his living room, thinking 'this sure as hell wasn't anything Nomura said, right?' But anyway, I just want to thank everyone who took the time out to leave an awesome review, it really makes writing this that much more exciting. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and happy belated thanksgiving (if it applies)!


	10. Chapter 9M

**Chapter 9 M (Mature)**

They entered the compound on light, quick feet and Sephiroth moved them through a number of checkpoints requiring his id. She held her breath and kept her head down the whole time, feeling as if any moment she could raise her head and meet the eyes of someone in blue, or someone in white. Even as she followed him, listened distantly to the long, high buzz of the compound letting him passed the checkpoints, the truth was right at the tip of her tongue.

Not necessarily because she was ready to tell him, but just so that she could go back and not increasingly deeper into forbidden territory. When they stepped into the elevator, she felt as if they were rising for an eternity of levels. Just as she was about to grip his hand, the elevator jerked to an unexpected halt. Thrown violently off balance, she lurched forward towards the doors.

Her heart was in her throat when she stepped back to the spot she'd been standing in before. At once she lifted her head, and instantly met the roving gaze of a corner camera. She spun around immediately, so that her back was to it.

"Calm yourself. This is not anything that hasn't happened before," he said standing facing the camera. "Though you would think this would have been fixed a while ago."

"How can I be calm?" she breathed, bending her face into her hands.

"Do you doubt my ability?" he asked and she lifted her face from her hands, didn't know what to say, mostly because she wanted to say so much. She thought he seemed particularly arrogant, assuming he could handle any trouble she brought their way. She thought his arrogance was her fault, for how little she'd told him.

"No, it isn't that. But I…I shouldn't be here." She breathed.

"Yes, I at least understand that much. But I simply want to send a message." He said and she bit her lip as a terrible thought occurred to her. She didn't want to think ill of him, but part of her wondered if he was merely anticipating her, putting her in such a pressing situation so that she _would_ tell him everything. She looked up at his face. _Do you trust me?_

"I want to let them know that our interactions are not open to regulation. That we will do as we please." He said, and there was a disconnected, girlish part of her that might've called it romantic, but it wasn't. For the first time, she felt as if she were the practical one, if only because he was not at all properly informed.

If he was aware of the whole situation, would he see it her way? She turned away, found she didn't like his posturing regardless. How necessary was it to go this far to prove a point?

When the elevator started moving again, she breathed a long sigh of relief. Moments later they stepped out into a finely furnished hallway. It was nicer than anywhere she'd ever been before.

"Where are we?" she asked, wide-eyed.

"The 1st class soldier floor." he answered, and she stopped.

"Really? You live here then?" She asked, surprised that he would bring her to the place he made his home.

"I do." he said, looking down at her. "But we won't be having dinner there, Angeal has graciously offered his quarters for the evening." he said and she felt her nerves again. It wasn't as if she'd ever been to Sephiroth's quarters but she and Angeal were practically strangers. She felt she was justified in the fear she felt entering the space of a SOLDIER she wasn't familiar with. She said nothing, determined at least not to ruin what Sephiroth had laid open for her.

Sephiroth knocked once at a door closer to the end of the hall and almost immediately it was opened. Genesis was standing in the doorway, dressed not in armor, but fine clothes.

"Good, you made it." he said, stepping aside so they could enter. Immediately the smell of food wrapped around her with warm savory arms, and she almost forgot the tight coil of nerves in the pit of her stomach. When Sephiroth helped her out of the cloak and went to go put it away in a nearby closet, she looked around.

Angeal's quarters were warm and unpretentious and in another situation she might've felt instantly comfortable, safe. She imagined she _should_ feel safe in an apartment with three elite soldiers.

Either that or completely terrified.

When Sephiroth returned to her side, she rose up on her toes despite the heels, and whispered in his ear a question of whether or not she should use his friend's titles or not.

"That won't be necessary." he said, a very slight smile on his face.

"That's right, there should be no formality tonight." Genesis said as he passed them on his way to the kitchen. Aeris gave Sephiroth a startled look, shocked that Genesis had heard what she'd whispered. Sephiroth sighed.

"Solider hearing is especially acute." he said and she nodded, she knew that. She just didn't know _how_ acute. She and Sephiroth wandered into the kitchen.

"Hey Seph...Aeris!" she turned quickly around, smiled when she saw Zack come away from where he'd been hovering over the stove near Angeal. There was a moment she was sure Zack was rushing forward to embrace her, but seemed to glance at Sephiroth and reconsider. He instead slowed his momentum and patted her rather awkwardly on the shoulder, and she laughed. Zack's eyes were bright with his own laughter.

"I wasn't aware you would also be joining us for dinner." Sephiroth said calmly, though no one in the kitchen was entirely fooled. She gave him a good, long look that he promptly ignored. Genesis looked between them with some amusement.

"He insisted that he come too, in light of the fact that there would be homemade food." Angeal said, and Aeris noticed Zack had already moved a couple of feet away. She sighed.

"You made all of this?" Aeris said, feeling a bit discomfited as all bright eyes shifted towards her. She tried not to be nervous, wondered if all of them could hear the hungry grinding of her stomach. Angeal laughed and she liked the sound of it.

"I attempted more like. This is homemade food from the restaurant across the street." he said and she smiled.

"Line by line from the menu actually, though that was Zack's idea." A sudden female voice said, and Aeris spun around to see the owner, finding something about it that sounded terribly familiar. She paled at the sight of the pretty, curly haired girl standing across from her. Zack came forward, motioned to the girl.

"Aeris, Cissnei. Cissnei, Aeris." He smiled between them, the bright-eyed picture of blissful ignorance. Aeris tried to keep the horror from her face when Cissnei offered her hand. It was softer than Aeris's own earth hard hands, and for a moment she thought of that giant metal star. No one could've guessed.

"It's nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you." She said, smiling. Aeris just stared, silent. She cast a look at Sephiroth and it was the strangest feeling to look between Cissnei's eye and his to know the three of them were privy to things the rest were not. Cissnei though, knew everything. The most Sephiroth knew was that she was a Turk. Clearly that was enough for him to gauge their situation as a dangerous one. She felt her stomach clench at the dark look on his face. His lip curled.

"Are there any more unexpected guests who have yet to immerge?" he asked, and Angeal gave him a stern look.

"I think Zack's guest should be a comfort for Aeris," he said, coming away from the counter, "some female company to make an evening among so many men more bearable." He smiled and Aeris thought it _might_ have been nice in any other instance.

"Indeed." Genesis said, rubbing his shoulder. "And if you ladies wouldn't mind, I'll need some help setting up for our dinner." Aeris nodded dumbly, and Cissnei said something she didn't hear. Aeris felt Sephiroth's hand on her shoulder. Already wound up, she jumped rather conspicuously and reddened when everyone looked at her.

"Come," he said to her and she took his hand. "We will return shortly." He said and Genesis smirked.

"Oh, we'll start setting up then, no need to rush." Sephiroth glared at him, and her face went hot at the sound of Zack's quiet laughter.

Sephiroth shut them both up in the bathroom and Aeris immediately crumbled to the side of the tub.

"I…I did not forsee this." He said with some anger, and she noticed, with some apology. She looked up at him, found her hands were shaking. "In fact, I thought this would be safer than a more public alternative."

Aeris looked at the tile, stared off into space. Sephiroth ran a hand across his own face.

"Is there any way this could be a coincidence?" She tried, "I mean…Zack couldn't have known—"

"Turks know nothing of coincidence." He said, and she looked into his eyes. He turned towards the door. "We can leave." He said and she shook her head.

"No. They would all notice, and I don't know how much I can explain. It's better to act as if nothing's wrong." Aeris rose to her feet. "She's not going to say anything." She wasn't really sure about that, but knew containing her secret was first priority. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't in any immediate danger if Sephiroth stayed close.

He seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"I will make sure you are safe tonight." He said, and his voice betrayed his desire to know the specifics. Also in his voice was a viciousness she'd never heard before, and it almost made her fear for Cissnei, who seemed to be just a girl in so many ways. Sephiroth held her shoulder and she looked into his eyes. She was still shaking.

"Sephiroth," she bit her lip, "I…I'm scared." She said, almost incredulous. She was always scared, but now with so many things happening, so many things to lose, she felt it more potently than she ever had. She felt strange admitting it, and he held her trembling hand still.

"They should be scared of _me."_

When she went to go help set up, Genesis and Cissnei were nearly finished. Cissnei was already pouring the sixth glass of wine. The two of them worked in complete silence, and when she stepped in they both raised their heads.

"Here." Genesis handed her a cloth napkin, and she heard Sephiroth and Angeal talking farther off in the kitchen. She looked at the ones he'd already folded and tried to copy it exactly, but couldn't quite get it. He looked on with some mirth. "Like this," he said and she studied the motions of his hand, "I would think you'd be better with your hands." He said, finishing with a snap of his wrist and fingers.

She thought it was funny that he would make such a show out of a little thing, and smiled.

"Why?" she asked, picking up her own napkin. His eyes were serious then, a murky blue.

"Those flowers in the church of course." He said and something about it made her skin raise. She kept her head down and worked on the napkin.

"You're still doing that all wrong." He said, and she stopped and looked at him.

"I guess I've always just had a green thumb." In the kitchen she heard Angeal's voice say _she's very young _and when Genesis looked up, she was certain he'd heard it too.

"Have you just." He said, looking at her. He rubbed his shoulder. "I'll admit it's very interesting-

"What's interesting?" she asked quickly, realizing the panic had fast risen to her voice. She avoided his eyes, squeezed the napkin between her hands. He smiled with no real mirth.

"The pair you and Sephiroth make. From what I can see, you are young and have a talent for creating life. Sephiroth, well…if you've picked up any newspaper, you know that he very often deals in death, as all of us do. It's wonderfully ironic." Aeris frowned.

"Not everything in the newspapers is true." She said, and he nodded.

"Too true. But you would be surprised what is. Or maybe you wouldn't. Sephiroth seems remarkably open with you."

"Sometimes. He's very protective."

"And shouldn't he be?" Genesis said. "I don't imagine there are many girls like you." He said and she realized they had long forgone the folding.

"Like me?" she asked, fingers trembling. He raised his chin and looked down at her with a curious look that made his eyes bright.

"Yes, you are quite…unusual." He glanced over his shoulder to the hallway and then back at her. "Don't you see that you are?"

She looked at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say. "There is so much filth around us Aeris." He said and her name never sounded more like a weapon. "And I see none on you. It's no wonder Sephiroth wants to protect that, or perhaps take it for himself." He smiled. "That kind of purity never lasts long, does it?"

The light cast Genesis' shadow at the side of them, and she looked to it as Cissnei came forward, glanced between them.

"I think we're ready to bring the dishes out now."

When they all finally sat down Aeris was still thinking about Genesis gentle, damning words. She noticed with a start that every one of their prepared places already had a half full glass of wine. She paused curiously, though she had never taken a drink before, she didn't think it would do any harm to try it. She reached for the glass, and Genesis raised an eyebrow, while Sephiroth was clearly poised to stop her outright.

"Let her be Sephiroth." he said, waving a hand, turning to look at her. "Though you might want to eat _something_ before you drink any of that." She nodded and took her hand away, and noticed Zack was grinning from across the table.

When they had all filled their plates, the questions started. She hoped that they didn't ask any that she couldn't answer.

"So do you work?" Genesis asked, cutting into a piece of fish without looking down at it. She swallowed her mouthful of food.

"I grow flowers, I sell them too but I'm better at growing them." she said.

"Really." Genesis said, and Aeris didn't understand the hard look that Sephiroth shot at his friend.

"People below the plate are very suspicious." she said simply, and Angeal nodded.

"Well actually, I think it was my fault. The first time we went out, people just kept running away from me." Zack said, laughing.

"That was because you kept running at them like you wanted to attack them." She said, joining into his laughter. Angeal smiled, but they were the only ones laughing. Sephiroth didn't seem to understand why it was funny, or even want to, Genesis was silent and Cissnei only looked between her and Zack with an undecipherable look.

Aeris stopped laughing.

"If she went out alone I'm sure her sales would be through the roof. Could you turn down a flower if she asked you to buy one?" Zack said, still laughing. When he looked at Sephiroth, he stopped mid guffaw, went quiet.

"Well, plenty of people do." She said, blushing.

"Maybe if you moved your business above the plate?" Angeal said, and she looked at him.

"I-"

"Can you pass the potatoes Zack?" Cissnei asked very suddenly and Aeris stared at her, not sure if her interception was out of grace or something else.

"So, how did you meet Sephiroth?" Genesis asked, and Sephiroth took a drink of his wine.

"Perhaps you could tell her something of yourselves, so she might be free to eat." Sephiroth said, and a tension settled over the table. She took a drink of her wine, grimaced. It was good, but very strong. Angeal nodded.

"Well, Genesis and I are from Banora. I don't know if you know it-" when she shook her head he smiled, "it's small, but beautiful. That's actually where this wine is from."

"That's right, but aside from a small wine export trade I'm afraid there's not much there." Genesis added.

"Do you ever miss your home?" she asked. Genesis paused, and looked at her.

"I can't say I do." there was such conviction in his eyes she looked away, didn't know what to say for a few silent seconds.

"Really?" Cissnei said, and everyone turned to her. "But that's your home—"

"In all honesty, I wouldn't expect a Turk to understand. I do not mean it disrespectfully, but the nature of your job in disconnection, is it not?"

"Not entirely," she looked into the air, "the memories are still there."

"Of course they are Ciss." Zack said, aiming a look at the redheaded commander. Cissnei smiled a real smile at Zack, and Aeris looked on in understanding.

"How did you both meet Sephiroth?" Aeris asked to divert the topic, and Angeal took a drink from his glass. Her head felt very light, and she felt suddenly warm.

"I suppose war made us friends," he looked off into the distance, "Sephiroth was young, but not so different from how he is now."

"Yes." Genesis nodded. "You've probably gathered by now how painfully practical he can be," he rubbed at his shoulder, and she realized Genesis had been doing that all night, "he was just the same as a boy."

She giggled when she imagined it, Sephiroth glanced down at her with a wry look. She let him move the wine glass away from her. She'd had enough.

After dinner was finished, Zack insisted that she and Cissnei come with him to go get the dessert. She reminded herself to act normal, and felt Sephiroth's eyes on her as she left the table with a soldier and a Turk. She figured as long as Zack was there she'd be okay. Once in the kitchen, she breathed out. Zack leaned against the counter.

"I know, but relax. I'm pretty sure they both like you." he said and she put a hand to her forehead. She felt warm with fever.

"You think so?" Zack moved forward towards her, and the movement made her feel like she was moving.

"Of course I do," his face darkened, "who wouldn't?" she blinked, and his smile opened bright and slow. His teeth were very white, she thought. "You're _so_ plastered right now." he said, laughing as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to get something or other. She didn't remember if he said he was leaving, but she knew she should feel panicked.

Farther away, Cissnei was ducking down to get the dessert that was staying warm in the oven. Aeris bit her lip, grabbed a potholder from a nearby hook and handed it to the girl. Cissnei took it, and turned back to the open door of the oven.

She stared into the heat, and slid the potholder firmly over her hand.

"You shouldn't have come here." she said in a low, sweet voice.

"I know." Aeris said, ears prickling with the sound of whispered chatter in the dining room. Cissnei grabbed the pie and kneed the oven door closed.

"Then why did you?" she asked, putting the pie on the counter. Cissnei's eyes were sharp and it occurred to Aeris that they were exactly the same height.

"I..." Aeris looked away, hated that she even had to explain herself. "I guess I wanted to pretend tonight, that things were normal."

"Pretending doesn't change anything. It's the same as dreaming." she said.

"You don't dream?" Aeris asked, clasping her hands in front of her.

"No...I, not anymore." She turned away and grabbed a knife from the drawer. Aeris fought the urge to step away. Cissnei cut into the pie. "Not like Zack. All he knows are his dreams." She looked up to the ceiling. "It's like...there's no room for anything else."

"Oh." Aeris said, stunned by the sudden disclosure. She looked around awkwardly.

"Maybe I could talk to him for y-"

"Don't." Cissnei said, eyes hard again. Aeris was wary, wondered if having wildly different faces was just a part of being employed by ShinRa. She remembered that the same girl before her had been poised to do her harm not so long ago. "We're not friends, don't pretend we are."

There was something about Cissnei's look that seemed as if she wanted to say otherwise. Aeris stepped in closer despite herself.

"You don't have to do what you're doing, you can be something else." Aeris said and Cissnei just looked at her, gaze steady, lacking any of the warmth constantly in and out of her eyes.

"No I can't." She shook her head. "And neither can you." She picked up the pie and started out towards the dining room. "Leave, while you still have the chance."

Right on the heels of Cissnei's soft words, Sephiroth strode into the kitchen.

"We're leaving." He said. Cissnei had already disappeared into the next room, but Angeal and Genesis had also immerged from the dining room.

Angeal was frowning and Genesis looked incredibly smug.

"Sephiroth, it's not necessary for you to leave, Genesis-"

"No, let him sulk. He is a proponent of the truth, only if it is convenient for him-"

"You know _nothing_." Sephiroth said, as she put on her coat and tried to look elsewhere.

Aeris watched as Zack and Cissnei floated out into the kitchen. Sephiroth grabbed her hand and pulled them both towards the door. Zack looked confused, but shrugged and waved good bye. Cissnei just watched.

Genesis was coming forward to say something but Sephiroth had already opened the door and walked them both out. When the door shut, they were already halfway down the hall. She struggled to keep up with his long strides, not saying anything. It was clear that he was disturbed, but it was more the fact that she could see it that sent alarm bells off. She listened to the sound of their footsteps in the carpeted hallway for a while before he stopped at a door farther down.

He paused then, stared at the door.

"Perhaps I should take you home now." He said, sounding weary. Aeris wondered if he was not going to elaborate on what had just happened back in Angeal's quarters. But then she looked at the door as well, felt herself come into the present moment.

"Is…this where you live?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Yes." He said and she felt a chill race the length of her spine. He laid his gloved hand flat against the door.

I'd like to see it," she bit her lip, "if you want me to."

He took a few more silent seconds, and then slid his key card through. When they entered his apartment, they were both silent. Her heart was in her throat, and no matter what she did she couldn't swallow it down.

"It's.._._really _big."_ She breathed, wondering that one man would need so much space.

The flat was very spare, but immaculate. She went to the dim light the kitchenette cast in the dark apartment.

"Angeal didn't think it would make for a proper setting for a dinner." He said and Aeris silently agreed, there was nothing warm at all about his quarters. But it suited him. She wondered if it was just the drink that made her feel heady as she scanned his apartment, realized he had brought her into his private space.

She moved freely around, found the bathroom, a large bay window at the back with a balcony, and not much else. She looked for a moment at the city laid out beyond the window. Looking down into Midgar, she felt disbelief that she was actually seeing it that way, lying bright and open beneath her. A sweet vertigo struck her and she hung for a while in it, felt Sephiroth come to stand beside her. He looked down into the city with a dark face.

"I was a fool, to bring you here." He said and Aeris looked into the city too.

"I wanted you to." She said. "So I'm a fool too." She hoped for a smile, even though her own stomach was churning. His expression hardened.

"Yes, you are." He said, jaw clenching. "Why else would you waste your youth on me, why trust me?" She was shocked by the sudden vitriol. She was so taken back she couldn't speak. "What other reason could there be than that you are too young, too naïve to understand what you are opening your arms to?"

"Stop it." She said, backing away. He turned, eyes brighter than the lights in the city below them.  
"And you did understand, that night I told you of war. You were afraid." He turned back to the window. "As you should've been."

"Yes, I was. But, it doesn't matter, that's not all of who you are."

"How would you know who I am?" Aeris turned away.

"You don't really know who I am either." She said quietly, and he turned back to her then. "But you keep on coming back, does that make you a fool?"

"_Yes."_ He said. "It makes me many things, a man taking full advantage of a girl too naïve-" Aeris paled, frowned.

"You think you're taking advantage?" She thought of Genesis' words to her. "Is this what you were fighting about with your friends?"

"Is this not strange to you?" he asked, and she suddenly knew. Genesis. What kind of friend didn't want his friend to be happy? "I'm not…open, generous. I do not…laugh easily." Aeris blinked, didn't know where he was going with it. "I see the way you and Zack interact. The two of you-"

She couldn't believe it. It never occurred to her that his feelings about that went beyond a kind of possessiveness. Even though she had to admit that she and Zack were probably more compatible, definitely more alike, she didn't think of him that way. She wondered how Sephiroth even thought it was contest.

"Sephiroth, I only want you." she said, going forward to wrap her arms around him. "I don't even know what I'd do with easy, or normal."

She looked into his eyes.

"And maybe I want you to take advantage." She said, blushing. His eyes flashed, and she hadn't thought about it until then how long it had been since they'd kissed. She felt his hands slide down to her waist, remembered then how much she missed their strength.

"Do you." She nodded and rose up on her toes, realizing they had never bothered to turn on the lights. He kissed her then, soft then rough, soft then rough, as if he wasn't certain what she would let him take.

She pressed her fingers deep into his neck, and kissed him back with pouted, open lips, hips in towards his. She couldn't believe she had forgotten what kisses on her neck felt like, what his breath sounded like in her ear.

Her breath was short when he took his hands away to rid himself of his gloves. She looked up at him with a dreamy expression, thought for a moment how strange it was that she was ready to give her body to him sooner than even the secrets of her blood.

She felt his bare hands against her neck, shoulders and open vertebrae of her back, his hand rest gently at her zipper but then stop. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to stop, or keep going.

When his hands returned, it was to her hips. He looked into her eyes for a silent moment before he started gathering the skirt of her dress up into his hands. Her heart beat harder the higher the hem rose, but she didn't stop him.

When he'd finally raised the skirt a good length above her knees, he got down on his. Her stomach lurched and she thought idly that she still had her shoes on, as she felt his fingers skim the sides of her thighs on the way down. He reached the one hand not holding the skirt up, to stroke the tender backs of her knees.

She bit her lip, murmured something intelligible at the ticklish sensation. His hair spread out behind him on the floor, sliver lashes catching the light of the city below them when he looked up at her.

"Take your hair out." he just said, pupils narrowed down to slits. She'd never seen his eyes like that. Masamune sat propped up on a back wall and she looked from that to him and she undid her braid, scissoring her fingers through it and shaking her hair out. She blushed.

"Sephiroth..." He only kissed her thigh, and her breath came short. She felt his nose graze the inside of her thigh along with the soft heat of his lips.

"You don't have to…" she said, thinking that was a _really_ intimate thing and that there ought to be more before he…did that. She blushed thinking about it, felt so embarrassed. And she had started so boldly.

Her thighs trembled with it, and he looked at her, and then started dragging her panties down her legs.

She stepped out of them and he threw them aside. She watched them land on his floor with a bit of incredulity. Very suddenly though, she felt the pads of his fingers against her slick heat, circling, stroking and then dipping. His face was dark and contorted when she whimpered and looked down to see if he'd heard it.

It was better than anything she'd ever felt.

"Oh, _Sephiroth_." She said, knees weak as his swordsman's fingers worked her, and his eyes burned into her. She didn't feel ashamed, she felt so_ good _she couldn't feel anything else. She felt breathless when he murmured that she was_ beautiful _and on the same breath that she was_ wet_. She moaned when he thumbed merciless circles around her sensitive bud and lost her voice when he did the same thing with his tongue.

She grabbed a handful of his hair, and parted her legs wider for him. She thought it was strange that not a half an hour ago, she been untouched in her white dress and that his hand had only been lifting a wine glass hours before, not her leg over his shoulder.

But _Gaia_ when he did that, she felt like she might topple them both over and ruin it, she already kicked her heel into his back on a particularly _right,_ agonizingly slow lick of his tongue.

She didn't know what she was saying, just that she could hear herself only in the reverb of his spacious apartment.

She raked her nails against his scalp and his fingers dug deeper into her thigh. One last wicked curl of his tongue was what sent her over.

She almost bit into her tongue with the intensity of it. Sephiroth was watching her and part of her wished he wasn't, for she was certain her face then had looked all twisted up, ugly in its passion. She breathed out into the cool air.

"I-" She stopped when his phone rang. He sighed pulled his hair back away from his face, flipped his phone open.

"Sephiroth." He answered, nearly through his teeth. He stood up, and Aeris found her panties and put them back on. She noticed he was still in a rather uncomfortable looking state of arousal. But when she reached for the opening to his pants he caught her hand and gave her a warning look.

She took her hand away and listened to him talk on the phone, thinking it was terrible he'd have to take a phonecall at such an hour.

When he flipped his PHS closed, he ran a hand across his face. Scowled.

"This..." he exhaled, "apparently needs my immediate attention." Aeris blinked, could think of a part of him that also needed attention, and she wanted to ask him to let her try, but it he seemed determined to deal with the interruption first.

"I'll return quickly, stay here and unlock the door for no one." He picked his sword up, and she nodded, watched him go.

She counted the seconds, found she felt odd by herself in his large, cold space. After fifteen minutes when he hadn't come back, she went to the bathroom and washed her face. She looked at herself in the mirror, as if expecting that she might look a little different after what had happened. She didn't.

She looked just the same as she ever had, and she smiled at herself. With a sudden strike of panic she looked at the bathroom clock, thought about her mother.

She let her eyes follow the second hand twice around. On the twentieth second of the third time around, she heard a noise in the living room. Smiling, went quickly out into the living room, loose hair wild around her face.

She still heard the clock ticking when her steps halted, and she looked into a face that was not Sephiroth's.

* * *

Author's Note: So, probably another cruel place to leave it, but hey, this chapter was a bit longer than it was supposed to be? I really went through it with this one. It has been revised like crazy. But off topic, did any of you avid Sephiroth fic readers notice that fanon always has his living room having some kind of leather chair/couch? I thought that as I wrote a leather couch into his living room, thinking 'this sure as hell wasn't anything Nomura said, right?' But anyway, I just want to thank everyone who took the time out to leave an awesome review, it really makes writing this that much more exciting. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and happy belated thanksgiving (if it applies)!


	11. Chapter 11

Her first instinct was to run.

The only thing was that she couldn't think quickly enough to know where to run to, and so she just stared stupidly ahead for a few slow, precious seconds. Fear rooted her feet solidly to the ground, and just as the Turk moved, cutting forward into the dark of Sephiroth's apartment, she moved backward, turned around to run and stumbled into a stand that held three long practice rods.

The stand fell to the floor with her and she got up and made to head towards the bathroom so she could shut herself up in there, maybe until she could figure out what to do. But the Turk was faster, reed-like, and he caught her arm swiftly in one strong, bony hand. She swung around, gracelessly, and struck out at him with the tightest fist she could make, but came into contact with nothing but air. He was unexpectedly quick ducking back, letting her arm free as he stood back on his heels.

Freed up, there was still no where she could run. She looked around, knew it was over unless she could somehow leap out of the bay window into the city below.

"Well, hello to you too." The Turk said, stroking his jaw, smiling.

"Please." she said and the Turk shrugged, fingered his long red ponytail.

"Hey, it's tempting an' all but, bosses orders. You know."

"I won't go." She said, looking into his eyes. It was more terrifying that he still had this levity about him. He clearly didn't take her seriously at all. She frowned, and who could blame him? She wished over the noise of her heart that Sephiroth would walk through the door, but somehow she knew that wasn't going to happen. She wished she was stronger, that she wasn't so quick to rely on the strength of generous men.

Look at where it had gotten her. She stepped back, and the heel of her shoe tapped one of the fallen rods. She stilled, deliberately did not look down at the rod, and kept her eyes on the man before her.

"I've never seen you before." She said, biting her lip. He shrugged, perfectly inclined to make small talk, which was strange, but useful for her.

"Eh, guess I'm just gettin' settled in really," his smile was not quite real, cocky, "you're kinda the first big one."

"Oh." She said, stepping back over the rod. He moved in.

"Does that make you feel special?" he asked, looking at her and then the apartment, so sure of himself. That was the instant she took to swipe up the rod, and swing out. She swung it hard, put every bit of her weight into it, hopefully to make up for her lack of technique, and he was _so fast_, but not fast enough to move out of the way of her unexpected strike before it hit him squarely in the head. He fell into the coffee table and splintered it on his way down.

For a few seconds she stood there in shock, the rod shaking in her trembling hands. A sudden high beeping sound made her nearly jump out of her skin. It was followed by a low buzzing and she looked around at full attention, found its source was somewhere in the Turk's pocket.

A PHS, she realized, letting out one trembling breath. She looked at the door, knew she should leave while she still had the chance. There was no way he was staying down for long, but she knew that if she could somehow get her hands on that PHS, her chances could be much better.

Quietly and carefully she reached down. Her hand was shaking and she tried to stop it, but she was so wound up, more terrified than she'd been in a long time, thinking to herself that if this didn't work she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

Reaching down, she thought of the sterile labs, something she couldn't really remember by sight but only by the feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. Even if she managed to get out, how was she supposed to navigate a strange city, how could she escape them if they were actively coming after her now? She didn't have any money with her, or anyone to lead her through.

She felt the cold edge of the phone in his pocket, and brought it out slowly and with the tips of her fingers. Once in hand, she debated with herself on whether or not it would be smart to leave what little certainty she had in Sephiroth's apartment for the enormous unknown territory of the complex.

Maybe if she just hid herself in Sephiroth's room, he might assume she'd run and he'd leave. And maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Looking down at the Turk, she knew staying wasn't an option.

"Sorry." She said, taking the rod and the phone with her as she left through the door.

Once out, she realized with a bit of panic that the lush soldier floor was only just one long corridor with separate quarters. There was one door at the right end of the hallway, and on the hope it led to a stairway she ran to it, looking once over her shoulder before taking off the other side. But when she reached the door, it was locked.

Locked, not matter how hard she pushed and pulled. She tried to calm down and catch her breath, noting with some incredulity that she was winded already. Attributing it partly to terror, she wondered if maybe she should've listened to Sephiroth and done those extra laps. The thought almost made her smile, and she shook her head, admitting to herself that any limited athleticism she had, could not have been helped in one day.

She looked to the elevator doors, and begrudgingly decided she would have to use it regardless of the chance of getting stuck inside of a confined space with unwelcome company, or perhaps meeting it on any given floor.

She realized she would have to wait for the car to come up to the floor. She'd have to wait out in the open. While she still had the darkness of the end of the corridor, she figured it might be her best chance to try using the PHS.

Flipping it open, she looked at it, could see in the middle of the screen a bouncing envelope proclaiming there were two unread messages, one missed call. She ignored them both, and dialed the number she knew by heart, thankful it wasn't one of those inscrutable models Sephiroth had for himself.

She dialed his number as quickly as she could, bringing it up to her ear with a still trembling hand. She kept a close eye on the length of the hall, willing it to stay free of anyone who might see her.

His phone rang once, twice, then three times. It rang two more times before going straight to voicemail. Her blood ran cold, and she listened to the automated message, robbed of hearing his voice even in voicemail. When the beep sounded, she collected herself, knew any second she really might not have the chance to say anything at all.

"Sephiroth…I'm…I'm in trouble." She said, trying to keep her voice firm. And with maybe the biggest understatement of the year, the second beep went off and she flipped the phone closed.

She didn't waste any time then, went quickly over the elevator and pressed the down button, a soft glowing arrow in the dim hall.

She waited for the car to come up, goosebumps spread over her bare arms and legs. She realized offhandedly that her feet hurt, and regretted not wearing the more comfortable pair. She knew she was paying the consequences for her vanity, for her decision to ignore what was clearly dangerous, the decision to surrender to blind faith and infatuation.

She felt like she was waiting for an eternity, and kept on scanning the hallway for anyone coming. She bit her lip, realized the Turk who had accosted her could very well be awake at that very moment.

"Hey!" She nearly jumped out of her skin at the voice from farther down the hall, and started back down towards the other end until she saw that familiar head of black hair.

Zack stopped in front of her and smiled, and she self-consciously gripped the rod, imagining it might look a little suspicious to suddenly be carrying around a quite sizable weapon.

"Hey, what's with the staff? You headed to basic or something?" He laughed, and she meant to laugh along, but found her throat was so dry all that came out was a small, choked sound. He was a friendly face, but she feared his questions would yield answers bound to make him suspicious, and she knew that as much as she wanted to, she couldn't totally rely on him to get her out of her situation. He was a part of ShinRa, and though she believed he might even help her if she asked, she couldn't risk that he wouldn't, couldn't force him to make a choice like that while their friendship was still so new and simple. No doubt he'd also want her to divulge her reasons.

"It's Sephiroth's." She said truthfully, leaving out the why. Zack lifted an eyebrow but for some reason didn't inquire any further, and she was grateful for it. She noticed though, that his smile wasn't nearly as wide.

"So you going home or something? What're you doing out here by yourself?" Zack asked frowning, and she tossed him a sideways glance.

"Oh, I'm…Sephiroth, he got a phone call, and I don't know when he'll be back, but it's getting late so I thought I'd go-"

"By yourself?" Zack asked, incredulous. Aeris resented that it seemed like such a farfetched idea, as if she was so dependent she couldn't at least do that, but she knew there was truth in it. It_ was_ strange that she would be taking herself home, without Sephiroth by her side.

"Yes." She said, hoping the elevator car would come soon, and hoping Zack would not get on with her. She couldn't make another man party to her trouble.

"Then you should be careful." Another voice said, familiar and oddly sweet. Cissnei came to stand next to Zack, and Aeris paled.

"What took you so long?" he asked, turning to the curly haired girl.

"I was talking to Angeal." She shrugged, fell into conversation as if Aeris wasn't even standing there.

"What? About what?"

"About you, mostly." She smiled _and blushed_ and Aeris felt distinctly uncomfortable, and more on edge than she thought possible. Zack scratched the back of his head.

"Great." He said, shaking his head. Aeris looked from them to the hallway to the bright numbers lining the top of the elevator. "I know, takes forever on this floor." Zack said, and Aeris wasn't aware her anxiousness was so apparent. When she looked up Cissnei was watching her with hard, still eyes. Zack didn't seem to notice because he was watching the numbers scale up, and it was all the more eerie for it, that he was standing there in between them smiling like that, while Cissnei looked on at her with that almost bottomless stare, bound to change to something else in a moment's notice.

"Where'd you get that phone?" she asked, and Aeris stilled, eyes wide. She swallowed. She should've tucked it away somewhere.

"I bought it."

"Yeah, I figured." She laughed. "I know someone with the same model." Cissnei adjusted the strap of her blue dress. "It's a good phone, right?"

Aeris nodded dumbly, looked at the numbers above the elevator. Just before the door for the up elevator opened, Cissnei took out her phone, flipped it open and started texting quietly. She put it back into her pocketbook.

"You sure you don't need help getting home?" Zack asked her and Aeris bit her lip, looked at Cissnei and slowly shook her head.

"I'll…be fine." She said, not entirely sure of it herself. Cissnei gave her a strange, almost pitying look and stepped into the elevator. Zack at the moment finally seemed to sense something not quite right, and his eyes lingered on hers as if asking one last time, and Aeris kept her silence, watched as Cissnei's delicate hand grabbed him in before the doors closed.

Aeris sighed, looking up to see her car was just three floors away. The PHS buzzed in her hand at the same moment the elevator dinged, two floors away. She looked down at the phone, and opened it slowly. It was likely not for her, more likely _about her_, but her heart stopped on the chance that it might be Sephiroth returning the call.

But when she opened the phone there was one message waiting, a bouncing envelope that seemed almost inappropriate for the gravity of her situation. She wondered what happened to the other messages, the notice for that one call missed. They had just disappeared. She stared at the face of the phone and pressed into the messages, watching as a white window sprung up.

_Elevators here routinely malfunction on the fifteenth floor. Stairs don't._

Aeris stared at the cryptic message. She looked to see who the sender was, and strangely there was nothing there. Could she trust it? She was almost certain it wasn't Sephiroth. She doubted he would be so vague, that he wouldn't simply call.

She didn't hear the quiet footsteps until they were directly behind her, and she couldn't even turn around before there was a slim, strong arm around her neck, one hand on her mouth muffling her shout of alarm.

She tried to rip herself out of the hold but it was solid, tight.

"I can't believe you knocked me out like that." There was some laughter. "I'll never live that shit down you know." He tightened the hold and she felt breathless, but could still recognize that it was the voice of the redheaded Turk.

She felt lightheaded, and her vision was spotty when she attempted to pry the arm away. Her legs dangled when he lifted her up in the hold and her vision was wholly black for a few long seconds before it was back again and he said, "Don't worry, not gonna hurt you, not allowed. But when you wake up, you'll be exactly where you need to be."

She really panicked then, and there were tears in her eyes from the constriction as well as the fear. The rod in her other hand was slipping out, and she felt her eyes closing. But just then the elevator doors began to open, and the Turk sucked his teeth and removed his arm, leaving her in a coughing fit. The elevator doors opened to a lone figure, standing with his arms crossed. Aeris wasn't fully back to herself, but she could tell by the Turk's face that he wasn't too pleased to find someone actually in the elevator. With a start, she realized that someone was in fact Commander Rhapsodos.

The Turk walked into the elevator and gave her such a look that she knew she had no choice but to get on. There really was no other way out. If she refused, she knew she risked a painful price, and now, also Genesis' suspicions.

As if she weren't suspicious already, standing the hallway with a Turk, a pilfered weapon in her hand and _without_ Sephiroth at who knows what time at night.

Surprisingly though, Genesis said nothing about it, only looked between them with sharp eyes before turning to stare ahead. It was strange, and Aeris found that more unsettling than if he had spoken.

She glanced from redhead to redhead and stepped in between them, where the Turk had purposefully made a space. She coughed, and tried to inconspicuously catch her breath. She looked up at Genesis' hard profile and imagined that she couldn't have made it a worse situation if she tried. It was clear to her that Genesis did not trust her, if only because he seemed to immediately pick up on her half truths, that there was something she was withholding.

She'd seen it talking to him, and at the table when he looked at her. He lacked all of the natural distance Sephiroth had about him, and something about him quickly got under her skin, made her know he was picking her apart, and that he hoped she knew it.

More than that though, he didn't necessarily seem to care for her relationship with Sephiroth. She wasn't so young that she didn't know what venom sounded like in polite words, and it seemed he was especially good at it. She imagined maybe he simply wanted the best for his friend, to protect him. She knew there were better women without such ridiculous problems, and she supposed it was plausible that could be it.

But then times she'd seen them interact, she wondered if he and Sephiroth were even friends at all. Did she actually have _anything_ to do with it?

Maybe she was just paranoid, it certainly wouldn't be a stretch what with the way her heart was beating, and the way she felt as if the planet was orchestrating things in the worst possible way, leading her right to the consequences she knew she deserved for being _so stupid._

She thought about her mother, and felt a heavy heat behind her eyes. No, this was not the time.

"You goin' down?" The Turk asked, and Genesis gave him a flat look.

"Obviously." Genesis pushed the button for the twentieth floor, and the Turk smiled and pressed for floor fifteen. She froze, thought about her message.

If anything was clear now, it was that somehow she needed to get off the elevator before the fifteenth floor. She didn't know what was happening there, but she knew it couldn't be anything good.

The Turk hadn't yet taken his phone back, probably waiting until they were alone to finish knocking her out to do whatever he needed to do after that.

And then it occurred to her. Her wellbeing depended on keeping her secret contained, and clearly so did the Turk's job. There was no other reason he would be standing next to her like that, as if things were completely normal, like they just happened to be taking the same elevator.

Neither one of them could risk a display outside of the very few who knew the details. The Turk wasn't going to do anything rash while Genesis was around, taking into account his apparent status and more importantly his closeness to Sephiroth. Mistakes around Genesis weren't ones that could be erased. The Turk had taken for granted she wouldn't do anything rash either. But maybe he was wrong.

She bit her lip. Lesser of two evils, she guessed.

"I'm getting off at twenty." She said, and the Turk stilled beside her. Genesis gave her a curious look.

"No you're not." The Turk said. "Just out there, you said fifteen." He said, and Aeris took a deep breath and looked him right in his blue eyes.

"No I didn't."

There was a millisecond long frown before he laughed, shrugging his shoulders in feigned nonchalance.

"Alright. If that's what you want." She was realizing that tonight, that Turks were almost frighteningly good at saying things that seemed well meaning, but were anything but.

"I can escort you, wherever it is you are going. If you like." Genesis said, looking down on her with a challenging look in his eye. Aeris froze, knew there had to be some kind of catch. But it was perfect, insurance that she would not be followed out. At least not immediately.

She stared up at Genesis, and there was a ghost of a smile on his face that made her skin itch.

"Yes, thankyou." She said, turning to stare ahead.

When she and Genesis left the elevator and stepped out into the cool, dim twentieth floor she knew her time was fast running out. She'd managed to buy some time and freedom, but she knew keeping that freedom depended completely on how she used her time now.

She looked around for any doors leading to stairs.

"Can you help me get to the entrance?" she asked, and Genesis smiled.

"Certainly, but-" she froze, the catch was coming. "First I want to know what it is you are trying so valiantly to hide." She couldn't_ believe_ him, tried walking around him but he put a strong hand on her shoulder. In the spare fluorescent lights scattered farther down the hall it seemed as if his hair was graying, and she figured it must be a trick of the light.

"Not so fast." He said and she turned away from his eyes.

"There's nothing." She said, bowing her head.

"Don't lie to me, do you think me blind?" She couldn't say anything, kept thinking about the time wasting away. "Does Sephiroth know about this trouble that you are in?" She was silent, and he smiled, had a suddenly hungry look. "Really? Very interesting." She looked up at him.

"I-he...doesn't have to know."

"Indeed. I imagine he would be furious to find that you could be simply using him to solve your problems. Do you _actually _think that because of your connection to him, that you will be safe?"

Aeris felt the déjà vu of his words, felt insulted that he would accuse her of something like that. But there was a mutinous voice in her head saying that it was exactly what she had done, just tonight. Used Sephiroth's power as an excuse to do as she pleased, even though it was dangerous.

For the both of them.

She shook her head.

"I care about him. I wouldn't-"

"Please, you have yet to even see what monstrous things he is capable of. I'm sure you _do_ care for him. I'm sure you care for him as much as any sycophant in the Silver Elite." She stood still, totally aghast. What terrible thing to say. She balled her fist, angry. She was _angry. _She looked up at him.

"Is there anything but hate in your heart? I saw the way you look at him, and you're…you're envious. I'm envious of him too. He's so powerful, and I have always wondered what it would be like…to be strong. If he's a monster, then there are other parts too, parts that are just human and want…happiness. Maybe I am infatuated, but you are too. And I don't think it matters to you what I hide, all you want is to find something to ruin this, and…I won't let you. I won't let anybody." She said, looking into his eyes. The anger she felt was unfamiliar but powerful, fuelled ever more by the fear still roiling in her gut. "_You_ are a monster, for having nothing but hate. For having no other sides. And even if it was just fear, if I'm foolish because of a…naive infatuation, it would be better. It would be better than to have a friend like you."

Aeris stepped back.

"I don't need your help, I'll find my own way."

With that she turned and ran off into the dark end of the hall, and prayed to find stairs. She was trembling again, and when she reached the door at the end of the hall, she found that it was _open._

Before stepping in she checked her phone. There were no other messages, but the one she opened was gone from the folder. She wondered if they were self-deleting. Closing the phone and gripping her rod, she opened the door, and started down the stairs.

She ran down the long flights and didn't stop for anything, hair flying back, feet burning, and arms aching. She didn't even stop when her lungs burned, and she could barely breathe. She needed to reach the lobby, that was her mission.

But on the twelfth floor heading to the eleventh, a hand reached out of the dark stairwell and grabbed her. Jerked back, she fell backwards, and the phone clattered down the next flight of stairs. She looked up into the face of the Turk she knew the best, the one that had been watching her for so many years.

He offered her his hand to help stand back up and she crawled back, got up by herself. She struggled to catch her breath.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to knock you down." He said, face pale in the dark shadow of the stairwell. Aeris felt suddenly hopeless, swallowed over her heaving. She had a feeling, looking at his face, that she wasn't going to make it to the lobby.

"But you'll do anything else." She said, breathlessly. His eyes were hard.

"It is something that must be done." He said, and she shook her head.

"No, you don't have to-"

"I do." He said and they just stared for a few silent seconds. "I warned you." He said, and his expression looked especially tired.

"You told me what I should do." She said.

"Is this what it's about? Defiance?" he asked, standing stiffly in his dark, well pressed suit.

"No. I feel as if I've said it so many times." She bowed her head, once again taken by how often she apparently had to defend her decision.

"What?"

"That I believe in him." The Turk's dark eyes seemed to harden, so much so that they stood distinctly apart from the shadow.

"Then you are a fool." He said curtly and she nodded.

"Yes, and you've done so much to make me know it. You've threatened, intimidated, and even torn away from the little freedom I had to begin with. But I won't bend."

"It would be better for the both of you if you did. Have you considered the damage you could cause by having him protect you in his ignorance? He may be powerful, but the forces you consistently evade and defy are infinitely moreso, and infact have a direct influence on Sephiroth's life."

Aeris felt the hope draining out of her. His eyes stayed on her. "And if you are so bothered by the minimization of your allowed perimeter, you ought to talk to Sephiroth. It was his idea." He said, and Aeris froze, disbelieving.

She didn't believe it, Sephiroth wouldn't do that, wouldn't betray her trust like that. He knew that the smallness of her world caused her pain like no other thing did. She looked at the man before her, stared at him and off into space.

"You're lying." She said, and he looked her steadily in the eyes.

"I think, that you know I'm not."

Aeris stepped away from him, shook her head. The Turk stepped in towards her.

"Do you believe in him now?"

* * *

Author's Note: So first off, I'm so sorry this took so long. I just couldn't get it together for the longest. Second off, I'm really sorry about Sephiroth's absence from this chapter, but I still think this is an important one for Aeris. I hope that you enjoyed this anyway. Sephiroth will be back next chapter, which will hopefully come sooner. Thanks again for the support, I really appreciate you guys taking the time out to tell me your thoughts. Til next time! Oh, and when Genesis references the 'Silver Elite' it's the Sephiroth Fan Club you learn about in Crisis Core. You all probs already knew that, but I just wanted to say anyway.


	12. Chapter 12

It became clear that there would be no fighting. And she wanted to, looking at the Turk's white face, his hard, dark eyes. Along with the phone, her rod had fallen and she looked down into the darkness of the lower stairwells, felt totally vulnerable. The Turk seized her around the shoulders with strong hands, and she jolted back purely on instinct, missing the soft look in his eye, how his grip lightened, just slightly.

"I take no joy in this." He said, and she just looked at him, eyes moving down the high slope of his cheek to the grim line of his mouth. There was something heavy in the pit of her stomach, something acute and unfamiliar. _Do you believe in him now?_

Yes, he wanted to say, yes. But then there was this feeling pressing down on her, like hearing too many voices in her head at once, too many angry, sad voices. There were days like that, when she just laid down and closed her eyes because it was too much loss, too much death to combat with faith. She had wondered more than once, if her ancestors believed she could handle more than she really could.

She was losing something now, and she knew it. But this weight was her own loss. It felt like Sephiroth's hands at the backs of her thighs, imminent loss of some innocence she'd never be able to get back. And she had been ready for that, for him to have her body before her secrets. She wasn't ready to lose faith in him, the faith she'd used as a shield for so many people that warned her.

But her heart was sinking as she looked into the Turk's face. She didn't think he was lying. Sephiroth wouldn't betray her like that, would he?

_Do you trust me?_

Yes, she thought to herself. But her heart was changing, recognizing in an instant, its blindness. The Turk led her down deeper and she felt the chill creep up to them as they walked, she saw fluorescent lights and felt something in her memory shake loose.

It might've been the longest walk she had ever taken, she thought, swallowing her heart down. She thought her mother must be worried right now. She'd never stayed at the garden quite this late, so there was no excuse Elmyra could make. She wondered if she was ever going to see her again.

She stopped and turned to face the Turk.

"My mother, she doesn't know where I am." She said, as if he would care. But somehow, it never seemed more important. She thought of the past months she'd spent hiding, lying to her mother about the things she was really doing, and who she was doing them with.

She felt guilty, never more like an ungrateful child. The Turk turned her back around with light hands, didn't say anything.

Aeris felt her hands trembling. The very last thing she'd ever said to her mother was a lie.

She could smell heavy antiseptic, death, deep in the white walls around them. There was no happiness, just clean, wide space. She felt so small, more vulnerable than even when Sephiroth would lift her up off her feet, and kiss her so hard she could feel it in her fingertips.

Her heart sank. _Where are you?_ She thought, did he even know she was gone, levels below where he slept at night? Had he come back yet, opened the door to his apartment and found it empty? She wondered if he would call for her, search through his rooms.

But there was a small poisonous voice, wondering if he already somehow knew she was here, wondering that if he somehow didn't would he care enough to come for her. She banished the thought quickly, thought of his rare, reluctant smile, his calloused hand in hers, strength just barely veiled.

"He'll come for me." She said quietly, and there was a hitch in the Turk's step. He still said nothing, but she turned her head and he seemed-_sad_, though she couldn't figure why.

"Do you think so?" a voice said, and she snapped her head up.

"Professor Hojo." The Turk said, pushing her a few more steps forward. _Hojo_, she blinked at the name, remembered suddenly the conversation she had with Sephiroth that one night. He had reacted so violently to the mention of this man. His eyes had been bright, without remorse, when he declared with such calm conviction that this man deserved to die.

Aeris felt a terrible pull in heart. She watched as he squared out his rounded shoulders to stand totally head and shoulders above her. He was tall like Sephiroth, and dangerous in a way that was somehow more palpable, more complete.

His dark eyes scanned her, and then coolly held to her face. She only looked back into his eyes because she didn't know what she would find there. She wanted to fly back away from them when she _did_ see them, and the uproar now in her head that sounded like anger, panic. It wasn't hatred in his eyes, but something worse. She didn't quite know how to identify it, but she felt it, his cold scrutiny, and in him a proud, frighteningly deep void that only just started in his eyes, and could not have ended with his heart.

She felt his emptiness cast on her like a shadow. But there was also this inscrutable feeling she had, that he knew her beyond this moment she stood before him. And she felt like she knew_ him_, which was the strangest part. She felt that pull in her heart, saying this wasn't the first time she had looked up at his face and felt as if he was taking something from her that she'd never be able to recover. If Sephiroth was death and power, than she didn't know what this man was.

"I need to go home." She said a little disconnectedly, knowing full well that wasn't going to happen and her voice shook, her hands trembled. She thought of her mother again. Hojo's expression didn't change, he only motioned towards the inner lab. The Turk was reaching for her arms then, somehow sensing that the fight would return to her.

And it did. She was turning, hair flying in her face when she twisted and tried to run in the opposite direction, but the Turk was directly in her path, solid and strong when she attempted to push past him. His eyes were still, and his feet were steady to the ground when he grabbed her wrists. She yanked and pulled, but all she was doing was exhausting herself. She stopped then and looked at him, breathing hard into the little space between them. She looked up at his face, and she couldn't recall having really looked at him closely before.

His face was carefully empty, smooth, _young. _His eyes were the visibly brown kind.

"Please, I'll…I'll stay in my perimeter." She offered weakly, feeling disappointment in herself. But more important than anything now, was the fear she felt looking into the eyes of the professor, the closed door farther off. Fear for good reason.

And maybe she was imagining it, falling into the comfort of wishful thinking, but something shifted behind the Turks cold stare, quickly, gone just as fast as it had come. The ghost of aching faded, and he said,

"There are some things we have no choice in."

And Aeris just stared. He was right, there _were_. No one got to choose the situation they would be born into, no one got to choose the kind of blood coursing through their veins, even if that blood and heritage was dangerous to have, inconvenient for moments you might have thought to be free or fall in love. Love, she thought, feeling odd. You didn't get to choose who you loved either, and above any of these, she didn't want to change that. She would never change it, even though there was a doubtful voice in her head telling her not to be foolish anymore, to look outward right then and know she was where she was alone, because she foolishly loved a man who was nowhere to be found.

Love, she thought, surprised. And what a time to know it, as she was being turned around, led to that room. The Professor walked a few paces ahead of them, white coat sweeping back in his was some excitement now that he had about him, but Aeris tried not to notice it, listened instead to the small sounds of her mother's bracelets moving on her wrists. She stepped inside and didn't really feel the terror return full force until the Turk stepped away from her and made to leave.

"Professor, I will post a few of my own down here, to insure that-" Hojo scoffed.

"If Sephiroth decided to pay a visit, I assure you, a few of your own would be of no help. Don't waste your time, I trust Sephiroth will not waste his time searching." Hojo said, and the Turk looked almost incredulous.

"Professor-"

"I know him better than anyone ever will." The Professor said softly, put a on a fresh set of gloves.

"The President has requested that you have extra security." Hojo raised an eyebrow, sighed.

"Very well." He cast a look in Aeris' direction. "However, your assistance is no longer required. You can go."

The look on the Turk's face was all the more noticeable for the empty expression he usually kept. Aeris saw the loathing, and was sure Hojo saw it too, but simply didn't care.

"Sir." The Turk nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

The moment the door closed, Aeris hugged her arms around herself. She could feel his intent, even though she had no idea what he was planning to do. There didn't seem a thing she wouldn't do, to not be in a room alone with him.

"Sit down." he said, motioning to the bed. She stood where she was, and he stopped. "Obstinance will get you no where," he said turning his back on her to attend to a tray on the counter, "It in fact, gets you where you are right now." He held a needle up to the light, set it back down gently. "If you had done what you were told to, and stayed within the generous boundaries you were given, I would not be forced to do this now." He spoke almost as if she wasn't there. "Such irresponsible, erratic behavior does not convince me you can be trusted to stay put, and I can't have you putting all my hard work in jeopardy."

He turned and pressed a square of folded paper against her chest.

"You ought to resign yourself, girl. This will be a lot easier for you if you do. Now, remove your dress, and put that on."

She looked at the folded paper in her hands and unfolded it to see it was a thin, open backed gown.

"No." she said, more out of panic than conviction. She looked at his face then, and the edge of his mouth twitched with genuine annoyance. Sephiroth had that same tell.

"I assure you, you have nothing I have not seen before."

"I..." her chest was tight, she couldn't imagine the first man to see her naked would be him. She didn't even know why she would have to undress, what was he going to do to her?

If you don't, I will be forced to sedate you and do it myself." She blanched at the idea of his hands anywhere on her body.

She bit her lip, and tried to banish the wet heat behind her eyes, the heat in her cheeks. With slow, reluctant hands she took her dress off. _Quickly_, he said, and she sped her progress, hesitated at the undergarments before he grumbled that he meant _everything. _She turned away from him and undressed the rest of the way, hunching into herself. She wanted to go away and hide somewhere, she would've given everything not to be seen.

The cool air of the lab brushed the bared curve of her backside, and she hurriedly unfolded the paper gown all the way, trying not to tear it. She felt open and naked not only to Hojo, but the eyes of her ancestors that always followed. She felt humiliated, disappointed in herself for the fight she wasn't putting up, and the unfamiliar doubt in her heart.

She put the gown on backwards, so that she could hold it closed at the front. Still facing away, she folded her underwear, bra and dress, one on top of the other. She couldn't have explained why she felt the need to do it, but staring at her stack of clothing it just seemed so important to remember what she'd been wearing this night.

Sephiroth picked that dress, taken off things she'd worn beneath it. She had picked these shoes, run down stairs and corridors in them.

"Turn around." She did, and he then told her to step out of her shoes. When she stepped out of them, he loomed even higher above her, actually smiled.

"Your father used to look at me, exactly like that." he said, tapping a clipboard that seemed to have suddenly materialized into his hands. She was struck dumb, her father? Of all the mysteries she wondered about, that was one of the things she knew least about. There was a part of her that didn't beleive him, or _want_ to beleive him, wanted to think instead that he was deliberately provoking her.

"He was a brilliant man, once. If not incredibly naive." Hojo wrote something down. "I suppose the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?"

Aeris shook her head as if to deny it, but what did she know? She couldn't defend a man she'd never known, or even tell if Hojo was lying. She wondered, if Hojo _had_ known her father, what kind of man must her father have been?

It was troubling, almost as troubling as her sudden desire to ask questions about him, even as she stood nearly naked in a sterile, white room. My _father_, she thought, bit her tongue.

"But nevermind that." He said with a calculating look."You are one of the last of an elite race, unexceptional in the life you lead now, but exceptional in your potential." He looked at her face. "And you have so much potential." His proximity unnerved her, even if there was nothing but a clinical interest in his eye. "So much so that I'm willing to amend my current plan. In doing this, you may have to do a few unpleasant things. "

She blinked, stepped back and felt her back hit the med bed. Hojo continued.

"As things are, this is not the most opportune time for me to begin my procedure, though I _could_ take you in as a subject until I am ready." She could feel his breath on her face. "You are a clever girl, for getting as close to Sephiroth as you have. And because of this, you have made him party to an incredibly unfortunate situation. For reasons that are beyond me, you have had quite an influence. Filled his head with ridiculous notions, and questions...the questions, I know _you_ are the reason he is suddenly so curious." he bit out, more ferociously than he had spoken anything yet. "He is perfect." he ground his teeth. "Perfection, child. Something you may never be able to understand, and I will not stand by as my creation is sullied by-"

"He's not your creation." she said, balling up her hands. Hojo sneered.

"He is more my creation than you will ever understand." he said, face dark. Hojo seemed to regain his composure. "And because it appears, for whatever reason, that he is attached to you, and because he is often reliant on destruction when slighted, any interference of his could be detrimental to this project." She trembled, wanted nothing more than to scream, push him away. "But if Sephiroth were to get in my way, you can be certain that he will pay the consequences regardless. Sephiroth is as perfect as I always meant him to be, but ultimately he belongs to this company, to _me. _And if he interferes because of you, I will be forced to punish him. Do you understand?"

Aeris felt weak, more aware than ever of how she may have endangered a man she cared about. It didn't often cross her mind because he seemed so untouchable, so... perfect, but it was true wasn't it? The powers she sought to escape, were the ones that ruled Sephiroth's life. She stared passed the walls of the white room, how selfish had she been? Only thinking about how it would be dangerous for her?

Hojo seemed pleased.

"He doesn't care for you. He sees you as a pretty thing, something fascinating he has yet to figure out. Great minds like his are often drawn to puzzles. Let him go, and I will let you go. At least until I am ready for you." he smiled. "And if you cared about _him,_ then you'd do just that."

She stared ahead, hands clenched down tight on the two sides of the paper gown.

"Tell him whatever you must."

"I-" she started, but was interrupted by the high, shrill sound of an alarm. The lights started to flicker red, and Hojo snapped his head up, went to step away towards the door, which at that moment flung so violently open, one of the hinges gave out. A white hand steadied the swinging door to rest back against the wall, and she watched as Sephiroth stepped all the way into the doorway.

Both she and Hojo were frozen, and she stared wide-eyed at Sephiroth's tall, pale figure in the doorway. He looked-unlike she'd ever seen him. Wild eyed, and hair cast all about, _messy_ even-which she didn't think was possible for him, he stood in the doorway holding his long sword tightly in his left hand.

He was drawn as tightly as a bow string, but she could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. The flickering red light of the alarm filtered through his hair when he moved forward, taking long, measured steps towards them, or rather towards Hojo.

She didn't know whether or not to run as she had been the whole night, scream, cry or go cling to him. It occurred to her that there was some part of her that hadn't expected him to come, and seeing him standing there was equal parts pain and relief, conflict for what she now knew she had to do. She felt it all rising in her, everything she had miraculously managed to keep settled, despite what seemed like an eternity long of being completely terrified.

She hadn't realized until just that instant, how terrified she'd been.

Sephiroth looked at her with a dark face, a face she'd never seen and never did want to see again. It would've been the wrong decision to run into his arms at that moment. She looked into his eyes and only saw her fear reflected back at her. Clutching her paper gown closed, she didn't know what to do.

He was on Hojo before she could even register it.

"_Stay away from her_._" _he ground out, with one hand securely around the white collar of Hojo's lab coat. Hoisted up against the far wall, Hojo didn't look the slightest bit frightened. Aeris couldn't believe it.

"Interesting." Hojo choked out, "Is this the part where you pretend the role of protector?" Sephiroth blinked, a flicker of something indistinguishable interrupting the anger. All too soon it was back, visibly more intense. "You don't know _what_ you're doing, boy."

"Maybe." Sephiroth said softly, raising his sword. He seemed to be calm now, cold. "But I know what I'm about to do."

It was the shock on Hojo's face that let Aeris know that Sephiroth was utterly serious. She rushed forward, and grabbed onto his arm.

"Sephiroth, don't-"

Sephiroth just gave her that same look. Was he angry with her?

"Step away from me." he said, ordered. She looked at his sword, it already shined with red. What had he done? What had she done? She covered her mouth, and when he saw that his expression fell.

He turned to reach for her then, a strange, sudden contradiction of himself. She stepped away, outside of his reach.

"What did you do?" she said, looking anywhere but his face.

She heard something behind her and turned to see Angeal, who stepped in slowly, sensing the tension.

"Sephiroth," he said, glancing at Aeris. She couldn't look at him either. She looked all around her, the tiny white room now in disarray, cast under the flickering light of the alarm, the blood on Sephiroth's sword. All of these things were a result of her actions.

"Sephiroth, she is right there. There's no need to do anything you might regret." Angeal said, moving in closer but slowly, as if Sephiroth were some wild animal. He let Hojo down, lip curled.

"I wouldn't regret it," he said, stepping back but not taking his eyes off of the professor, "but you are right."

There were a few silent moments before Angeal suggested they leave, Sephiroth agreed, sheathed his sword, and swiftly took Aeris' wrist in his hand and dragged her out of the room.

Not two steps out of the room, Aeris stopped. Sephiroth seemed keen on dragging her still, but she was having none of it. The alarm went off, leaving space bright and purely white.

There were about five people in blue suits standing solemnly in the more expansive part of the lab, and Angeal stood behind Sephiroth. There seemed an immediate tension between the SOLDIERs and the Turks, and Aeris caught the dark haired Turk's eye as she ripped her arm away from Sephiroth's grip.

Behind her, Hojo dared to come stand in the doorway of the room they had just left.

"We're going." Sephiroth said, giving her an incredulous look. "I'll clear a path if I have to."he said, looking at the line of Turks. Aeris spotted the red-headed one, and he looked back at her, none of that strange mirth in his eyes.

"Where is Genesis?" she heard him ask Angeal in an irritated voice.

"I'm not sure, he said he'd be back, but that was hours ago."

She suddenly remembered her state of dress, and held the gown closed with two shaking hands. She didn't want anymore poeple to get hurt, she didn't want Sephiroth to be punished because of her.

But the open air of the outer lab struck her on the face then, and she glanced to the door leading to stairs, carefully guarded by that line of Turks. It was overhwhelming suddenly, too much. She wasn't running down so many flights of stairs, not swinging an unfamiliar weapon, not fighting the strong hold of a Turk, not wondering whether Hojo planned on dismantling her like his eyes said he wanted to.

Aeris breathed, inside the circle of dangerous people she knew and didn't. She felt like they were all looking at her, like the space and silence she had now was too much to bear, because all her fear was catching up to her now. It overtook everything, the relief, the need for self preservation.

The first sob that came seemed to echo, and she covered her face. She was embarrassed, panicked because she didn't feel as if she would ever stop. She had never cried like she was crying now, and no one moved around her, everyone just watched.

"No-" was all she could choke out, but it wasn't what she wanted to say, her heart was filling up with so much relief, validation finally for all of the times she decided to have faith. Sephiroth had come for her. But that didn't matter, it didn't matter.

Sephiroth stared. He too, seemed shocked by her outburst.

"No?" he said, disbelieving. "_No_, Cetra?" His voice was cold, and she felt every ounce of that anger she'd seen, in his voice.

She snapped her head up.

"How do you-"

"I managed to wring the truth from a Turk as I sought you out." he said, gripping the handle of his sword. Her eyes went wide. She thought about the blood.

"You didn't-"

"I did what I needed to." He said darkly. A few of the Turks shifted where they stood. "This is your mystery, flowergirl? This is what you withheld from me?"If I had known, I would never have brought you here," he bit out, "knowing what you are, and the consequences of you coming here, how could you allow me to foolishly think-

"I didn't want anyone to get hurt." she said and he stepped in towards her. She realized he still had on the clothes he'd picked her up in.

"Lies," he said softly, "You put _yourself_ in danger, for what? Was it very amusing to watch my efforts to protect you, when all along you knew it would be in vain? Was my ignorance entertaining? And while you preached to me about truth, your desire to know beyond what I chose to show you, did it not once strike you that you might've followed the advice _yourself_, and allowed me to make informed decisions that do not end with unnecessary strife?" Sephiroth cleared the hair out of his face with a swift, unsteady hand. She had never seen him do that before. "This explains your solitude, your purity, your reluctance and the strange phenomena that surround you. You are different, and you are alone, isolated by what sets you apart from everyone around you, the last of your kind." He looked into her eyes. "And you withheld it from me, not because you are noble but because you thought that I-" he laughed, a manic, unfamiliar sound, "that _I, _would not accept you otherwise."

Aeris looked at him, really looked. And there, beneath all the anger, was hurt. It made her heart stop, to see such an open emotion on his face. It had never occurred to her that he might simply understand, that their predicaments were so similar, it would be ridiculous for him not to. She hadn't trusted that he would. But then she thought of something.

"You didn't accept me." she said, biting her lip. She looked over at the dark haired Turk. "Not all the way. It bothered you that I wouldn't tell you. And so you tried to provoke me, so that I would, press me so that I would rely on you to-"

"What-"

"You asked them to minimize my perimeter, and they listened because it served them too." A brief look of shock passed his face, not because it wasn't true, but because he hadn't expected her to know. "I denied that you would do something like that, but I felt it...that it was true." She looked away from him. "You took from the little freedom I had, so that I would be more reliant on you, so that eventually I would have to tell you, and even tonight...you didn't want to bring me here, but you were pressing me, seeing what I would do, and it..backfired on us both."

She wiped her cheek. Sephiroth didn't say anything to to deny it.

"If I had known the depth of your trouble, I would not have bothered." he said, and it stung, but Aeris didn't flinch away from it. It seemed what she needed to do was now obvious.

"Then don't." She said weakly, looking back up at him. He blinked, as if not understanding.

"Aeris..." he said, seeming to sense it, and she felt herself starting to cry again.

"I'm sorry Sephiroth, I-" she stopped, throat constricting, "I let my...infatuation get in the way of the right thing to do. This should have never started, we should've never-" she tried to gather herself again, looked at Angeal who clearly knew exactly what she was saying to his friend. "I _was_ a fool." she said, wiping her eyes, 'but I'm not going to be, anymore."

She felt like they were standing there looking at eachother for forever, her trying to clear the tears before they fell, him looking again how she'd never seen him. She didn't want to know what this face was.

She turned away, felt him trying to close the gap and Angeal quietly telling him not to. She walked towards the door but the wall of Turks kept her from going through.

"She can go. One of you escort her home, make sure she is where she is supposed to be." Hojo's stark voice said from behind her.

Most of the Turk's looked surprised, but the dark haired Turk didn't. She looked at him. Was this what they wanted all along?

She didn't want to think that she could be controlled like that, but as the Turk nodded and Cissnei came forward to take her arm, she wondered if she had been.

Before she left, she turned one last time to see him, and he was looking back still from where he stood, something like incomprehension in his eyes. Abruptly, he turned away, face into shadow, and she let Cissnei lead her out.

The rest of the night after that was mostly a blur. She'd never cried so hard in her life, and never so ceaselessly. Even when Cissnei brought her up to her apartment and lent her actual clothes to wear, she changed in the small bathroom and tried in vain to wash her face.

She only wanted to scrub her whole body, and remove both the good and bad memories one night had given it. She put on the dress, and it was warmer than the one she had before, a long, pretty pink one she couldn't believe Cissnei was letting her wear.

She must've been a pitiful sight for such treatment, but she didn't say anything. She couldn't say anything, and didn't all the way to the car. Cissnei had something on the radio she couldn't quite hear, and the windows thankfully down.

Warm city air on her face and in her hair, she felt herself take a long overdue breath. her eyes were still tearing up, but watching the outside go by calmed her down more than she ever thought it would.

There was a dark, windy highway leading down under the plate. When the last piece of sky disappeared, Aeris looked out of the window, said,

"It was you who tried to help me, wasn't it?" And Cissnei didn't say anything, just drove, wind blowing her curly hair back. Aeris didn't wait for an answer, didn't actually expect to get one.

She took her to the house, and they sat in the car for a few silent moments. Cissnei bit her lip, looked down at the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry." she said.

Aeris looked out of the window, shook her head.

"You shouldn't be sorry." It was silent again. Cissnei was clearly searching for things to say.

"No, I am. Because when I said I didn't dream, I...I was lying." Aeris turned to look at her. "I think in some way, we all want to be free. Free to be who we want, even if it's a hero or...a Turk." she said, seeming uneasy. "Or maybe if we just don't wanna be who we've dreamed to be anymore." Cissnei met her gaze. "I think it's worse to give up and better...to be a fool." she said, and Aeris closed her eyes against the memory of saying that word.

When she opened her eyes, Cissnei was still watching her.

"Do you really believe that?" Aeris asked, and it seemed strange to her to be on the other side of the question of faith.

"I do."

And when Aeris walked into her house, she found that her mother was waiting up for her. She was never so glad to see her. She looked so old and worried , and she wanted to say she was sorry, but she couldn't say anything when Elmyra put her arms around her. She sank into the warmth and didn't think of anything else beyond her little house.

Not the murmuring planet, not Sephiroth, not anything that made her wonder what it was she believed in. At the moment, there was no answer she could give.

* * *

Author's Note: So. This took so much longer than I thought it would to get out. I hope you enjoyed this, even though it wasn't the happiest of chapters. :( The response to the last chapter honestly blew me away, thank you guys for the support! I hope to get the next one out sooner, but what else is new, ha. Can't wait to know what you guys think, this was one I really had to sit and think about. Later!


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter is rated T, because it is edited. The M version is posted as a second chapter thirteen (next chapter) in this story, tagged 'Chapter 13 M.' Ignore or Read at your leisure, not reading the M version won't leave you out of any major plot points.**

Aeris felt a bit different now, brushing her hair halfheartedly in the mornings. She'd look at herself in the mirror and think that if a past version of herself could look at her now, it might not be so impressed. It might in fact, see her as a total stranger. She wondered if it was just part of growing up, though at seventeen, there was probably still quite a ways to go. Did she want to go all that way, when she was looking at herself now and wishing a bit for her old self? She thought of the hope in Cissnei's eyes, and how she felt a little...jealous, which seemed to be something she was feeling too often now.

Jealousy for the freedom to come and go she would think about every time Sephiroth left through the doors, or said he'd be gone awhile on a mission somewhere farther than she could even dream, jealousy for the people that walked around under the plate without tails in blue suits, or without a planetful of voices hanging over head.

She didn't think it when he'd looked into her eyes that night, while his fingers and lips were so convincing in the dark of his apartment, but she had really thought the trade of her body would be enough. That maybe if she let him take all he wanted that way, he'd stop asking her all the things she was afraid to answer. Opening herself to him seemed so much easier in comparison. When had she become jealous, wanton? When did she become comfortable lying to herself and other people, taking dangerous, stupid risks?

Aeris wove her braid tightly. Maybe it was the moment he'd walked through the door, and she looked at him and saw a million opportunities, something in him that she thought she would be able to touch. But somehow he had remained in so many ways this distant, untouchable man, while she had come totally undone in the process, to him and everyone around him. She was embarrassed now thinking about it, didn't know how she could ever look him in the eye again. It was a good thing then, that it wasn't even a possibility.

Even if- and she could admit to herself now, looking in the mirror, even if she loved him.

And she did it often. She looked in the mirror and said it out loud to see how it felt, to see if the next day would bring some sense and change it to just another lie she had told. But to say that she loved him always felt exactly right, no matter how many times she told herself that it was infatuation, that she was too young, that she didn't love him so much as the freedom he had allowed her.

And she had used him, but that wasn't it. She got the feeling that she would've loved him the same even if he wasn't as powerful as he was, just knowing him, holding his rough wielding hand and sharing with him an aloneness they both understood. She could see it now, how similar they were that way. And every day she regretted never realizing it before, she regretted not telling him, or believing that he'd understand and not turn his back on her. But there was also still hurt there too, for his betrayal of her trust. And she thought sometimes, as she declared to her mirror that she loved him, there was no way he could feel the same.

She remembered times she opened her heart to him and was met with immediate suspicion. She remembered the way he looked at her in the labs, like he was disgusted, wanted nothing more to do with her. She remembered admitting how much she needed him on the phone that time ago, and his stark silence. She wondered if she wasn't just a puzzle to him. She knew that Hojo had an agenda, but she often thought about his words. Especially his words about her father.

Aeris headed down the stairs, smiling weakly when Elmyra looked up from a pot of something she was stirring on the stove. They hadn't really talked much since the night she'd come home, and both she and her mother had tried to breach the topic, and failed. Aeris felt bad, knew Elmyra was aware of the drastic changes in her, and unsure how to go about addressing it. She certainly couldn't demand anything of her, and she never really had. There had always been a kind of distance between them because of her heritage, a subject that didn't often come up in their house, except subtly when Aeris mentioned in passing that she was going to the church.

Around when she was ten, the voices started to gain prominence, and she would get frequent headaches that Elmyra would help her with, but that was it. Now, Aeris only wondered how to overcome her own awkwardness to talk about Sephiroth, who had for so long been a secret she never intended on revealing. How did she talk about how it felt to be kissed and touched by him, when her mother thought he was a demon general, the reason she'd come home at two am in tears?

That certainly hadn't helped make a good impression.

How did she expect her mother to be a shoulder, when all the pain she felt now was just a consequence of her being hardheaded and willful?

"He's not an evil man." she said softly, and Elmyra stopped stirring, turned and looked at her. "And it was my fault, the whole thing-" Elmyra frowned.

"He is a grown man, Aeris."

"But...I knew what I was doing."

"No, I don't doubt that, but I'd expect he'd know well enough to leave you alone. If he cared for you, he would've done just that." Aeris had a very strange feeling of deja vu.

"He...cares for me." Aeris said, looking forward. But her uncertainty was all too apparent. He did care for her, at least until she'd pushed him away. But that was necessary. How could she feel sad that he hadn't even attempted to see her after what she'd done? Elmyra sighed.

"Desire and love are two different things," she seemed to be conscious that they had never talked like this, "even if one can seem like the other." she came forward and touched her cheek. "I am only an outsider. I've been young, I know that nothing I say can properly reflect what you two have only shared together, but my outside eye is good for seeing things objectively, and-" she shook her head. "I've never seen you so unhappy, you haven't been to your garden in weeks, the faith that I used to see-"

"It'll come back, I'm just feeling sorry for myself-"

"Is that it? I know that there are probably many things you haven't told me, and-" Elmyra's face dropped, " some things you probably never will, but I don't need to know any of it to see that this isn't good for you. Love doesn't feel like this, Aeris. It can be pain, and it can be work but when it takes good things away from you-it's not worth it anymore. You have to leave it. I—I don't want you seeing him anymore."

Aeris looked on hopelessly into her mother's face. They both seemed to recognize her silence as answer enough.

"But what if...I can't. What if I can't just leave it?" Aeris bit her lip. "There's so much I never got to tell him, so much time we should've had, and I just feel like...as long as I live, this won't be finished."

Elmyra paled just as the phone rang, and when she went to go get it, Aeris ran forward to the stove where the pot was bubbling over.

On the little transistor radio they kept in their kitchen, there was a grainy report of a soldier gone awol, but she couldn't catch the name. She lifted the pot off the fire, and looked through the kitchen window to where the dark haired Turk stood watching.

For three weeks, she'd spotted him around the house more frequently than she ever had. But only now did the fact that she could see him seem a bit strange. That had to be deliberate. Without putting on her sandals, she went slowly out of the door. The outside felt good the moment she could feel it on her face, and she was never more aware of how much time she'd spent lying around her dark house, doting.

She almost laughed as she opened her eyes to the artificial and filtered light. She took soft steps towards the back of the house, realizing the moment she came to stand in front of him that she had never actually set out to approach him before.

"It's strange, usually we just pretend that we don't see each other." She tried to smile, but didn't quite make it. She couldn't forget what it was like to have her wrist firmly in his grip, his quiet words on the things they had no choices in. In so many ways he was the most prominent face of her nightmare, but she found herself standing there, as if none of it had happened.

"I never pretended not to see you." He said. She blinked, straightened out herself out.

"I guess you're right." She put a hand against the back of the house.

"How are you." He asked in his flat tone, and she just looked at him, incredulous. She bit her lip, and looked away. Maybe she couldn't pretend. Just his polite conversation made her skin crawl, made her a bit upset that he could pretend so well.

"Why?" she asked in a little voice, which however little, still betrayed her suspicion. She felt sorry for it when she saw him recoil, clearly not expecting it. She thought it was strange he'd have any reaction at all.

"I don't want anything. Just to…give you this." He bent down and picked up a familiar rod out of the grass. She went still. It was the rod she'd dropped on the stairs, taken from Sephiroth's apartment.

She thought again of his hands on the open skin of her back, of swinging blindly and meeting the hard resistance of a Turk's jaw. She tried to keep her breath steady.

"That's not mine. I don't want it." She said a bit anxiously, and the Turk paused. She took a step back.

"I thought-"

"Why are you doing this?" she said, looking into his eyes. "Why are you here?" He seemed frozen then, before a shadow passed over his face.

"I thought you would want it back, or if you decide to venture outside again, you could use this." He said, not looking at her face. "Your perimeter has been opened, to the surrounding sectors." Her eyes widened, that was a bigger perimeter than she'd even had before. She felt an unexpected resentment. Was she supposed to be thankful, happy?

She entertained the idea of turning around and going back in the house. Instead she nodded and took the rod, feeling in it an odd familiarity. How often had she settled for something good enough, shut her mouth and just taken what she was given? Was it out of prudence or fear?

"Thankyou." she said softly, looking at his face.

And he was looking back at her, mouth opened as if he meant to say something. They stood in silence, and she felt the air change between them. Perhaps this was why they had never talked, because all they had to do was skirt around him being an unwanted guard, her being the thing he was guarding. But then, if anyone was already open to her secrets, it was him.

"Hojo knew my father." She said, and she knew she had his attention in a way she never had. She refused to look away from his eyes, wanted anything to give her some clue, even if he said nothing.

And he said nothing.

"So it's true." she said, swallowing.

"That was before my time." he started moving away then, and she grabbed onto his arm. It only seemed like a mistake the second he turned his eyes back to her, but she stood her ground. She was a bit discomfited to note that although he appeared thin, her hand was full of sinew. Was it the suit that disguised it?

"Please." she breathed, and he turned to her, sighed. "I need to know." She said, surprised that he hadn't yet tried to move her hand. She took it away on her own, when he turned back around.

"It is not my place to-" he began and Aeris breathed out.

"Oh, places!" he looked at her, shocked by her outburst, "Does it really matter what our places are? Why should we be where we ought to be, when where we ought to be is really nowhere in particular?" She bit her lip. "I'd give anything just to be somewhere, to know something real... even if it's terrible."

The Turk frowned.

"Everyone says that. Until they find themselves in terrible places."

"Well, nothing can be more terrible than this." she said, going rigid when he grabbed her around the shoulders, pushed her back against the house, and she looked from his hands to his face. She was frightened because he had never touched her if it wasn't warranted, didn't even talk to her really, unless it was strictly necessary, or if she approached him dumbly like she had now.

"Don't be ungrateful." he said, and somewhere close just above the plate a cloud shifted, and shaded them over. "You've only begun to see what terror is, and the moment you were close to it you opted instead to be smart and protect yourself. Just as you should have. You'd be surprised how many people long to be nowhere, instead of in the places they find themselves. We're in our places because without them there would be chaos, people who destroy and take what they want without the threat of consequence." She looked at him, and imagined there was no other time she had seen him talk as if he had a heart.

"You should be able to take what you want." she said realizing that now, she really did believe that. It seemed so long ago that Sephiroth had said that to her. The Turk's eyes stayed trained on her face.

"And if I want something that I shouldn't?" he said, face dark.

"We always do, though." she said, "Just like...men will keep destroying things, taking, even if the consequence is bigger than they are. Chaos is all around us, and we're just pretending to keep it contained." She felt a strange pull in her heart, an unusual synchrony of the constant chatter of voices in her head. "And I think soon, we'll see that chaos lives in even the highest order, in the hearts of powerful men who deny it, pretend control over it, until it consumes them, and as a consequence, everyone else."

The Turk stepped back away from her, as if she had sprouted another head. The synchrony dissipated too, just as the remnant of a breeze was sweeping in. From where she stood, she could smell something burning. She remembered the pot she had on the stove.

"I have to go." she said, and the Turk watched her until the door was shut behind her.

Later, after she and her mother had cleared the dishes from the table, Aeris thought of her flowers. She went upstairs to brush her hair, but found all she could do was look at the mirror and try not to say familiar words. She went to her closet and spun through the rack for a long time before she realized she was looking for a dress she didn't have any more.

She had left it in the labs, as she had left so many things. She took the stolen staff and went quietly down the stairs, didn't realize her intention until she found herself looking into her mother's sad, tired eyes.

"I'm going to the church." she said as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Elmyra folded her hands together, looked passed her and then to her own hands.

"Be careful." she said and Aeris nodded, stepped into her shoes.

"I'll be back soon." she said, heading out of the door. She looked back once, and Elmyra hadn't moved.

The way to the church seemed so much longer for all the time she had stayed away, and all the certainty she had that Sephiroth would not be there. If there were eyes watching her on the way there, she didn't notice them, for all she could think of was feeling the emptiness of her church.

But when she approached the doors, there was someone standing there. Not Sephiroth, but the very first SOLDIER she had ever met. She couldn't smile, even though he was, or rather making a valiant attempt to. It was worse to see the smile not reach his eyes, odd.

"Zack." she said, feeling as if her call to him was too soft, swallowed entirely by the night looming large overhead. A streetlight came on and she noticed there was a scar on his face that she was certain hadn't been there before.

She went to open the church doors, but Zack grabbed her hands before she could.

"Wait," he said, looking into her eyes, "How've you been?" Aeris wondered how many times she would be asked that today.

"Good, I guess...I have a lot to be thankful for." she said, though it seemed more something she was supposed to say than something she really meant. "Were you...waiting for me here?"

"No." he paused, let go of her hands. "Yes." She looked at him.

"Why?"

"Don't know really, you'd think a First class SOLDIER would have all this really important world saving to do..." her eyes widened.

"Oh! Congratulations," she said going forward to hug him, but it was only when she had her arms around him and his arms came up strong and squeezing, that it felt very awkward. Separating, they stood further apart than they had been standing before.

She looked down, certain her guilt was totally irrational. But there were times she would look at his face, hear something he said and feel as if they were connected in a way they had no right to be. After all, all he'd done was fall through her ceiling, really, she didn't know him at all.

But she felt like she did sometimes, when he was standing around and inside her church. It was weird, like she was remembering something that hadn't actually happened. Like when you smelled cooking, laundry or perfume and struggled to match it to a distant face or happening.

"I wanted to see how you were." he said voice low.

"I'm..." she blinked, could not even believe the renewed heat behind her eyes. "I told you already." she said, looking away.

"I'm sorry." he said.

"Don't be. I didn't mean to-"

"No, not that. I just...feel like a total idiot, for not noticing sooner that you were in trouble that night. I mean, shit, it was right there on your face, and when I introduced Cissnei to you, I didn't think that-" He shook his head.

"You couldn't have known." Aeris said, wrapping her arms around herself. Zack was silent for a few beats.

"I don't know." he shifted against the door. "I don't know what I know anymore. And the people who I thought I knew, they're just...monsters, and people who follow orders without caring about who it hurts."

Aeris blinked, unsure of what to say.

"Pink looks good on you." he said with a half smile. She looked down at her dress.

"I meant to find a way to give it back." she said, thinking of Cissnei's large brown eyes, soft hands.

"It's fine, pretty sure Cissnei wanted you to keep it." he said in a rough voice.

"How is she?" she asked. Zack frowned, turned out of the light of the street lamp.

"Don't know, haven't talked to her in a while." he shrugged. Aeris had the distinct feeling he wasn't saying something.

"Is she alright?" Zack was silent. "Zack?"

"Yeah, the Turks... just lost one of their own. He was in the hospital for weeks, just sufferin.' it's a good thing he's not anymore." He sighed, "SOLDIER too. They're dropping like flies." Aeris felt the blood draining from her face. "I'm sure you already heard about Genesis."

"No." she said, thinking of the redheaded soldier, his sneer, his perceptive bright eyes.

"He went AWOL some weeks ago, and Angeal-" He stopped, shut his eyes. She could nearly see it on him, the death. He looked more like a soldier than he ever had. "But enough about that, Ciss told me a while back that Tseng made it so that you could go more places?"

Aeris felt a bit embarrassed to hear him talk about it, but paused at the name.

"Tseng?"

"Yeah, Wutain guy, never smiles?" Zack said, and Aeris stilled, realizing she had let so much time pass by without even learning his name. He was the one who opened her perimeter? She wondered why he would bother doing something like that.

"Oh, yes, I saw him today. I never know what to say to him."

"That makes two of us, though Turks and SOLDIERs never really get along that well, and now-" he stopped himself, and Aeris frowned. Again, there was something she was sure he wasn't saying.

"Maybe I should go." he said after a while of silence.

"No don't." she said, surprising herself. He stayed where he was, and she tried to find something to say that wasn't about Sephiroth, tried to ignore the voice in her head that told her she was pathetic for not being able to be alone. "You know everything about me?" she asked.

"No, not really. Ciss wouldn't tell me anything and Sephiroth-" Aeris shut her eyes, and Zack stopped, "shit, I'm just making things worse aren't I? I'll-"

"No, I...how is he?" she asked breathlessly, as if they both didn't know the question would eventually come up, feeling naked when he looked at her with eyes too full for her to pick any one thing out. She waited with bated breath, didn't even know if her heart was beating. Zack swallowed.

"A lot's happened Aeris." he said bowing his head.

"I know."

"No, I mean bigger than us, it's-" Zack stopped.

"What aren't you saying?"

"Aeris-"

"I can handle it." she said softly. "I can." Zack looked passed her.

"Sephiroth, he's...I don't know. He wasn't easy to read before, but now I don't know what to think. He'll say things, or he'll get this look in his eye, like he doesn't care about anything. But I don't know if it's because I don't really know him that well, or if I should be doing something. When-" Zack paused. "When Angeal was around, I could tell that he was worried, you know. But from the outside it just looks like normal Sephiroth, it's not like was ever a big bag of sunshine." Zack laughed uneasily and ran a hand through his hair. "And with Genesis and Angeal and the Turks, I'm kind of worried too."

"The Turks?"

"Yeah." Zack said, and Aeris could tell he was reluctant.

"What happened?" She asked, but she could see from Zack's face that maybe it wasn't something she wanted to hear, maybe she should be happy knowing what little she did. But was she ever? "Zack?" she prompted.

"The Turk they lost this week, Sephiroth...he was the one who-" Aeris paled, thought of the blood on his sword that night.

"Was it that night?" she asked, but she didn't need him to say yes, just to look at his face, and think back to the wild look in Sephiroth's eyes. "Oh Gaia." she breathed, covered her mouth. It was strange. She knew Sephiroth had made a career of death, was accustomed to it in a way any veteran soldier was, but just this one seemed worse, seemed real for the closeness of it.

She covered her face, felt childish in her antics, but couldn't look at him. She thought of Genesis' words, his smile when he told her she had yet to see what Sephiroth was capable of, Sephiroth's morbid stories, the times he claimed she didn't really know him either.

For the first time, looking into Zack's bright eyes, she considered the fact that Sephiroth might be exactly as he was painted in the newspapers, exactly like the cruel caricature that inhabited his war stories. Would it be dishonest of her to claim he was otherwise, unfair to him? Would it be hypocritical of her to be repulsed, when for so long she had begged to see more of him?

It wasn't if her secrets had been pleasant ones to find out.

"Hey, don't-" Zack put a careful hand on her shoulder, "don't do that." She looked at him, face pale.

"Don't you see? If he hadn't been trying to find me, none of it would've happened, it's...my fault." she said, thinking her hands might as well have been Sephiroth's.

"Aeris, there's no way-"

"No, I knew that there could be consequences, but it didn't matter, it is, I'm responsible for it too." she shook her head, thought about Tseng and how he had brought back the staff for her, opened her perimeter, even though one of his own was dead because of her. She was ungrateful. "I yelled at him..." she said quietly. "I always do that, do things and says things, even if I don't know the half of it. I just think I know..."

Zack reached forward to touch her cheek but then stopped himself.

"No, you were just...thinking with your heart." he smiled. "My mom used to say that sometimes, when I'd get in trouble." he laughed. "And I'd always get in trouble."

"Really?" Even to her own ears, her voice sounded young.

"Yeah." he said, breathing out, and his breath smelled like Christmas, like peppermint. She watched him, uncertain of when they had closed the awkward gap between them.

It occurred to her that maybe he was too close, and she felt that old guilt again, tempered in that easy familiarity she couldn't place. But she knew him, his dark skin, the blue blueness of his eyes which went brighter still, the way she now knew men's eyes would do when they thought about some girls, about touching them or kissing them.

And she was full of fear and reservation when he kissed her with dry lips, thinking of Sephiroth emerging form the dark, and that he was only the second man to kiss her, Sephiroth being the first. She felt that it was bad timing, that she should be angry he would try something like that when things were the way they were, she thought it odd he hadn't tried it before.

But mostly, kissing him made her sad, because she couldn't bring herself to really kiss him back. It was Sephiroth's kisses, full of force and flickering control that she needed, and she didn't really want anything else, even though she could feel in Zack something better for her, more appropriate.

"I'm sorry." he said, and she had the feeling that he really was, that when he'd said it before that was what he really meant. She nodded, and turned to the doors of her church.

He waited by her side when she opened them, and maybe, she realized, he meant he was sorry for what lay in front of her. Even though she was certain he had nothing to do with it.

Before her, her garden lay in ashes, and beyond that was Sephiroth, standing by the windows. And he was in full armor, the way she had never seen him. Even as they stood there, he didn't turn around, though Aeris was certain he knew they were there, if he didn't hear their heartbeats, then he must've heard their words on the other side of the door. If he hadn't heard that, then she knew he felt her as she felt him now as potently as the first time, with all that wonder and fear.

But there was something different now, and when she turned to Zack and asked him to leave, she was confident he would, even though he looked as though he might not, might stay and be a hero, and make things worse. But she wasn't really afraid, even if everything around her told her she should be. Familiar territory. She was confident too, that they would come to some end tonight, good or bad.

After Zack's footsteps had long faded and she had gone on quiet feet to close the doors, she settled against them. She watched him stand in silence by the windows, where his hair caught the light like a long wedding veil.

He didn't visit her in full armor, there was usually no need. But now he had on the shoulder guards, the long boots, the coat she'd only seen him in a few times. He looked like an older version of the image on the news after the victory in Wutai. And his sword was in his hand, not inside the sheathe.

Warily, she approached him through the dust of her flowers, unable to cry or scream for the total fullness she felt at the sight of it, the sight of him.

"Why did you do this?" she asked, received no answer. She held her staff close to her.

Of all the things she imagined he would do, this wasn't one of them. She looked all around her, and imagined he had always gotten the things he wanted.

"Sephiroth." she said, with as much force as she could muster. Right now, she didn't feel that need to be close to him, just to understand. And she wanted to understand, not to be afraid but-his silence was not one of the tacit General she knew, but one she could feel on her skin like the touch of his naked hand, pressing soft and then hard, impossible to to anticipate. She had a headache.

"I wanted to know how it felt to kill something beautiful and helpless, in preparation." he said, quietly. "I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would."

He turned and gave her a sideways glance, his eye an acid green, burning its color outwards into the dark, onto his cheek.

"Because you're not-"

"How would you know what I'm not?" he asked softly, turning fully from the window. Her breath caught because he was beautiful. As if they both didn't know, but it had been so long. And he was right, how would she know? If anything, the past hour should have taught her how much she didn't know.

"I wouldn't." she said, looking up at his face.

"No, you wouldn't. You would rather dream I'm something else, and claim surprise when you are wrong."

"I'm...not surprised." she said, which made her pause because she hadn't planned to say it, didn't know it, until it was out of her mouth. He raised an eyebrow.

"Don't lie to me, you've done enough of that." He looked around. "Even this garden of yours, lies. For where it is, it is rare and beautiful. But if you kill it, it is dirt. Just as common as its origin, just as meaningless. Look at how ugly it is now."

She bit her lip, knew he was trying to hurt her.

"No, I knew you could be cruel, that war was a part of you, I just...know there's more."

"Oh, and that was the more you wanted to see?" He smiled. "And what if it isn't there Cetra-" She stilled, not used to hearing it said out loud like that, and with such vitriol. But she felt herself getting angry too, maybe with the help of a chorus in her head, screaming. For as much as she still didn't know about it, she was never going to be ashamed of her heritage, or ashamed of hard decisions she made that were for the best. She suddenly felt that he was petty and cruel, selfish for thinking he was the only one who was struggling with it.

"Don't call me-"

"But that is what you are isn't it." he said, raising his voice. She felt her breath coming fast.

"And you want to punish me for it? Or is it because I denied you something you thought was yours? I did what was necessary, I...won't apologize for it. "

Sephiroth frowned. She realized then that he hadn't expected her to talk back like that, that he was playing a game of terror, and had expected her to play in accordance with the rules. But she refused to be intimidated into silence, wondered how he could think she would be after all the rules they'd broken together.

"I also did what was necessary."

Aeris stared at him, stirred up a cloud of flowerdust with the staff.

"This wasn't necessary." she said quietly. She felt sick, looking at him, wanted for the first time to grab back her heart and run away with it. "Killing that Turk wasn't necessary."

He moved forward, wrenched the staff from her hands and threw it down. His closeness did make her heart jump, in fear, in longing for memories past. She could smell that potent nothing smell of his she had noticed in the beginning, and she shocked herself in how much she wanted to pull him close for more. She looked up at him, and he was that much taller she thought about rising up to her toes to say something else exactly to his face, but probably just as an excuse to kiss him.

"What do you know about what is necessary? You are only a child, you know nothing of war-"t

"War?" she breathed hotly, "This wasn't war it was..." she left off, and he laughed outright.

"Love?" he said for her, eyes full of laughter, "Really, so fast?"

"I..." It was humiliating, that he would laugh, know exactly what she hadn't meant to say. She wished for her mirror.

"Did you," he narrowed his eyes, "did you think that I would reciprocate?" She tried to moved away but he grabbed her wrists. "Tell me you love me, girl." she didn't know this man.

A silence passed in which she just kept her mouth closed, avoided his eyes. He frowned.

"You are naive to think that would even be a possibility. I would have to be even more of a fool than I am now to believe that the charity you have so selflessly given in the form of your heart is anything other than th-"

"Charity?" she breathed. Did he really believe that? She searched for the right words. If anything his love had been charitable. He could've had anyone, decided earlier she wasn't worth the trouble. That was always what she'd feared. "It wasn't like that, I only wanted-"

"It doesn't matter what you want." he said, looking down at her. "What you wanted was what I am not, and when you realized this, you thought it better to run and hide in the 'protection' of your Turks, when you became bored pretending to tame the beast-"

"What?" she stilled. "I never pretended, never. Even now when all I want is to pretend that everything you've done is enough to make me hate you."

"Why don't you hate me then," he said, "Because I hate you," he said and she closed her eyes against it, as if she'd been physically hit, "more than I've hated anything, more than I hate myself for enjoying nothing in your absence, for listening to your pathetic phone message as many times as I could play it," she looked at him, wide-eyed, "for burning your flowers and hoping that you would cry or choke on the ash and die if you won't be mine. I hate you, for being so foolish as to think that you still aren't mine, that you could ever leave me, and that I wouldn't kill and paint the walls of your church with the blood of a million more Turks if it meant I could have what is mine." She wondered if she was just imagining the hard pounding of his heart, the tremor around his eyes and mouth, the way she felt like she wasn't breathing, when he inhaled and looked away from her.

"And I...hate you," he began again, "for being fool enough to love, even though I do things like these, and wonder how it is you think war and love are two different things, when the only difference in love is that you can die over and over again, without ever claiming a victory."

His hand shook around her wrists, and he took it away. He went to turn completely away, but she put her hand up to his cheek. she wondered for a second if he would force her hand away, but he didn't. He turned back to look at her with a blank expression. It was unnerving that she could see so much seething there, and then a second later there would be nothing.

"Sephiroth." she said, couldn't really think of anything else to say, except that maybe she was unrepentantly hardheaded, gaga for not turning and leaving through the church doors. She supposed she deserved whatever pain brought her way, if after such an extensive list of reasons he hated her, all she could hear was something that was other than what he said, undertones of something else that rang of the opposite spirit. She wanted to laugh, cry, for how morbid he had made it anyway, wanted to stop the unprecedented uproar in her head, and any whisperings that told her she was telling stories to herself.

"Then if that's what it is...I'll die." she said, and the blankness of his expression was breaking, "Even if victory seems too far away, too impossible." He looked at her then, like he had in the beginning, as if she still had that inscrutable thing about her, that faith he wanted for himself. She looked back into his green eyes, and when he reached forward to wipe her tears away she blinked, not even aware she'd been crying. If anything they were happy tears, because she could feel her faith renewed but deeper inside she was sad, though she couldn't figure why.

She shook the feeling entirely when he leaned forward to kiss her the way the light in his eyes said he would. And she had known his kisses so many times before, but she felt a desperation there that had never been there before, felt in the force of his kiss, that time was finite, moving quickly along passed the drama of theirs that was unimportant relative to the planet.

When they came apart, she could feel his question, but also his surprise in her anticipation of him, for she had already begun to undress herself, made up her mind that if she was going to give it to anyone it was going to be him.

But he held her hand still, and she looked up at him, felt silly for rushing when all in his hands and mouth was languor, nothing recognizing what was outside the church waiting for them. Consequence, disapproval and pain seemed like nothing compared to the way it felt to be laid down in the ashes of her own garden, and touched by the same hands that had set the fire.

After, when Sephiroth had settled beside her, she peered at him through her hair, though she couldn't remember when he had taken it out. He watched her, pulled her over by her little waist, hair dragging across the floor.

Until she put her head on his chest, she had been convinced they would sleep apart. That maybe he would get up and leave. When he didn't she started crying, and it was embarrassing, but thankfully he didn't say anything, just held her closer.

There was still so much she wanted to tell him, so much she wanted to ask him. But it didn't seem like the right time. She curled into him, closed her eyes. But she could feel that his were still open.

Even when she awoke, he was already awake. He seemed preoccupied, and there was something heavy about his face that made her pause as she slipped on her dress, her shoes.

She thought to ask if something was wrong, but she also felt that heaviness. She picked up the discarded staff, what had been his, and was now hers. There was the tiniest glimmer of mirth in his eye.

"Come with me." he said finally, and she blinked. Looked to the outside where morning was breaking.

"Where?" she asked, finding her voice sounded strange after a night of only saying his name. She felt like they were two different people.

"Just to the train station." He unfastened his coat. "I think that is nearly within your perimeter now."

"You know about that?" she asked, and he only looked at her, held up his coat. She slipped her arms in and pulled the length of it up around her waist, just like she had done the first time.

They set out of the church and started toward the station, and Aeris couldn't help but think of her mother's bracelets. Sephiroth's phone kept ringing on the way there, but he kept turning it off, saying that there was time enough.

"It's not like Fair to be so prompt." he said wryly.

"Is he waiting for you there?" Aeris asked, as they passed the shop window they'd passed on the first night. All around them light was breaking through, real and artificial.

"Yes. And a few others." he said, and Aeris imagined the way he talked now, it was almost as if he hadn't told her he hated her, made love to her desperately maybe a half an hour before.

"Well, I don't know. It feels like a bit of a strange day already." she said as they neared the station. Sephiroth nodded.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs to the station, Aeris stopped.

"My perimeter can't include this." she said, as she unfastened his coat and gave it back to him. He took it and put it on, went up a few steps.

"Come just to this stair." he said, and she did, looked up at him. There was real light from the station behind him, and she stood completely in his shadow. He looked over to where the platforms were, and she followed his gaze to a group of people standing farther away. She saw Zack, behind him two troops, and beside him boy who was putting his helmet on over a head of wild, blonde hair.

She smiled, but then got this sudden wrenching feeling. She looked back at Sephiroth. Almost found herself asking him not to go. She laughed at herself.

"I'll be back soon." he said, taking her hand. "And if you are going to use this, you'll need to hold it properly." he fixed her grip on the staff. "Try striking like that, you'll find it is more effective."

"Thankyou." she said, and he nodded. She folded her hands together, a nervous habit she'd gotten from her mother."Be careful." she said, but he had already turned away from her, gone up the rest of the stairs.

And she watched him go, until she couldn't see him anymore, could only hear the noise and bustle of the people above catching trains, listening for whatever train was coming in next. She listened, and above her a flat, mechanical voice rang out over the station, calling out places she'd probably never go.

"Carriage 237 to Costa del Sol, All aboard."

It didn't matter though, she had Sephiroth and no threat on her freedom was worth being without him.

"Carriage 864 to Junon, All aboard."

She didn't have to hide anymore. She felt brave enough to take that freedom, fight for it.

"Carriage 354 to Nibelhelm, Departing."

And she knew that if she had to, she would even die for it.

* * *

Author's Note: The End. So, I'm really, really, sorry for the wait. I tried to make it worth it. Real life kind of punched me in the face these last couple of months. :) But this was always right there at the back of my mind when doing finals, opening docs to write essays about blah blah at two am. Haha, most especially because you all have been so ridiculously supportive that I was really anxious to finish this up for you guys. So here it is, a lot happened here, and I originally thought I might do an epilogue, but considering how things are going lately, it might be a while, if ever. Still I really hope you liked it, I do have a few Aeriseph ideas brewing already, so maybe I'll see you all sooner than I think!


	14. Chapter 13 M

**Chapter 13M (Mature)**

Aeris felt a bit different now, brushing her hair halfheartedly in the mornings. She'd look at herself in the mirror and think that if a past version of herself could look at her now, it might not be so impressed. It might in fact, see her as a total stranger. She wondered if it was just part of growing up, though at seventeen, there was probably still quite a ways to go. Did she want to go all that way, when she was looking at herself now and wishing a bit for her old self? She thought of the hope in Cissnei's eyes, and how she felt a little.._.jealous_, which seemed to be something she was feeling too often now.

Jealousy for the freedom to come and go she would think about every time Sephiroth left through the doors, or said he'd be gone awhile on a mission somewhere farther than she could even dream, jealousy for the people that walked around under the plate without tails in blue suits, or without a planetful of voices hanging over head.

She didn't think it when he'd looked into her eyes that night, while his fingers and lips were so convincing in the dark of his apartment, but she had really thought the trade of her body would be enough. That maybe if she let him take all he wanted that way, he'd stop asking her all the things she was afraid to answer. Opening herself to him seemed so much easier in comparison. When had she become jealous, wanton? When did she become comfortable lying to herself and other people, taking dangerous, stupid risks?

Aeris wove her braid tightly. Maybe it was the moment he'd walked through the door, and she looked at him and saw a million opportunities, something in him that she thought she would be able to touch. But somehow he had remained in so many ways this distant, untouchable man, while she had come totally undone in the process, to him and everyone around him. She was embarrassed now thinking about it, didn't know how she could ever look him in the eye again. It was a good thing then, that it wasn't even a possibility.

Even if- and she could admit to herself now, looking in the mirror, even if she loved him.

And she did it often. She looked in the mirror and said it out loud to see how it felt, to see if the next day would bring some sense and change it to just another lie she had told. But to say that she loved him always felt exactly right, no matter how many times she told herself that it was infatuation, that she was too young, that she didn't love him so much as the freedom he had allowed her.

And she _had_ used him, but that wasn't it. She got the feeling that she would've loved him the same even if he wasn't as powerful as he was, just knowing him, holding his rough wielding hand and sharing with him an aloneness they both understood. She could see it now, how similar they were that way. And every day she regretted never realizing it before, she regretted not telling him, or believing that he'd understand and not turn his back on her. But there was also still hurt there too, for his betrayal of her trust. And she thought sometimes, as she declared to her mirror that she loved him, there was no way he could feel the same.

She remembered times she opened her heart to him and was met with immediate suspicion. She remembered the way he looked at her in the labs, like he was disgusted, wanted nothing more to do with her. She remembered admitting how much she needed him on the phone that time ago, and his stark silence. She wondered if she _wasn't_ just a puzzle to him. She knew that Hojo had an agenda, but she often thought about his words. Especially his words about her father.

Aeris headed down the stairs, smiling weakly when Elmyra looked up from a pot of something she was stirring on the stove. They hadn't really talked much since the night she'd come home, and both she and her mother had tried to breach the topic, and failed. Aeris felt bad, knew Elmyra was aware of the drastic changes in her, and unsure how to go about addressing it. She certainly couldn't demand anything of her, and she never really had. There had always been a kind of distance between them because of her heritage, a subject that didn't often come up in their house, except subtly when Aeris mentioned in passing that she was going to the church.

Around when she was ten, the voices started to gain prominence, and she would get frequent headaches that Elmyra would help her with, but that was it. Now, Aeris only wondered how to overcome her own awkwardness to talk about Sephiroth, who had for so long been a secret she never intended on revealing. How did she talk about how it felt to be kissed and touched by him, when her mother thought he was a demon general, the reason she'd come home at two am in tears?

That certainly hadn't helped make a good impression.

How did she expect her mother to be a shoulder, when all the pain she felt now was just a consequence of her being hardheaded and willful?

"He's not an evil man." she said softly, and Elmyra stopped stirring, turned and looked at her. "And it was my fault, the whole thing-" Elmyra frowned.

"He is a grown man, Aeris."

"But...I knew what I was doing."

"No, I don't doubt that, but I'd expect he'd know well enough to leave you alone. If he cared for you, he would've done just that." Aeris had a very strange feeling of deja vu.

"He...cares for me." Aeris said, looking forward. But her uncertainty was all too apparent. He did care for her, at least until she'd pushed him away. But that was necessary. How could she feel sad that he hadn't even attempted to see her after what she'd done? Elmyra sighed.

"Desire and love are two different things," she seemed to be conscious that they had never talked like this, "even if one can seem like the other." she came forward and touched her cheek. "I am only an outsider. I've been young, I know that nothing I say can properly reflect what you two have only shared together, but my outside eye is good for seeing things objectively, and-" she shook her head. "I've never seen you so unhappy, you haven't been to your garden in weeks, the faith that I used to see-"

"It'll come back, I'm just feeling sorry for myself-"

"Is that it? I know that there are probably many things you haven't told me, and-" Elmyra's face dropped, " some things you probably never will, but I don't need to know any of it to see that this isn't good for you. Love doesn't feel like this, Aeris. It can be pain, and it can be work but when it takes good things away from you-it's not worth it anymore. You have to leave it. I—I don't want you seeing him anymore."  
Aeris looked on hopelessly into her mother's face. They both seemed to recognize her silence as answer enough.

"But what if...I can't. What if I can't just leave it?" Aeris bit her lip. "There's so much I never got to tell him, so much time we should've had, and I just feel like...as long as I live, this won't be finished."  
Elmyra paled just as the phone rang, and when she went to go get it, Aeris ran forward to the stove where the pot was bubbling over.

On the little transistor radio they kept in their kitchen, there was a grainy report of a soldier gone awol, but she couldn't catch the name. She lifted the pot off the fire, and looked through the kitchen window to where the dark haired Turk stood watching.

For three weeks, she'd spotted him around the house more frequently than she ever had. But only now did the fact that she could see him seem a bit strange. That had to be deliberate. Without putting on her sandals, she went slowly out of the door. The outside felt good the moment she could feel it on her face, and she was never more aware of how much time she'd spent lying around her dark house, doting.

She almost laughed as she opened her eyes to the artificial and filtered light. She took soft steps towards the back of the house, realizing the moment she came to stand in front of him that she had never actually set out to approach him before.

"It's strange, usually we just pretend that we don't see each other." She tried to smile, but didn't quite make it. She couldn't forget what it was like to have her wrist firmly in his grip, his quiet words on the things they had no choices in. In so many ways he was the most prominent face of her nightmare, but she found herself standing there, as if none of it had happened.

"I never pretended not to see you." He said. She blinked, straightened out herself out.

"I guess you're right." She put a hand against the back of the house.

"How are you." He asked in his flat tone, and she just looked at him, incredulous. She bit her lip, and looked away. Maybe she couldn't pretend. Just his polite conversation made her skin crawl, made her a bit upset that he could pretend so well.

"Why?" she asked in a little voice, which however little, still betrayed her suspicion. She felt sorry for it when she saw him recoil, clearly not expecting it. She thought it was strange he'd have any reaction at all.

"I don't want anything. Just to…give you this." He bent down and picked up a familiar rod out of the grass. She went still. It was the rod she'd dropped on the stairs, taken from Sephiroth's apartment.

She thought again of his hands on the open skin of her back, of swinging blindly and meeting the hard resistance of a Turk's jaw. She tried to keep her breath steady.

"That's not mine. I don't want it." She said a bit anxiously, and the Turk paused. She took a step back.

"I thought-"

"Why are you doing this?" she said, looking into his eyes. "Why are you here?" He seemed frozen then, before a shadow passed over his face.

"I thought you would want it back, or if you decide to venture outside again, you could use this." He said, not looking at her face. "Your perimeter has been opened, to the surrounding sectors." Her eyes widened, that was a bigger perimeter than she'd even had before. She felt an unexpected resentment. Was she supposed to be thankful, happy?

She entertained the idea of turning around and going back in the house. Instead she nodded and took the rod, feeling in it an odd familiarity. How often had she settled for something good enough, shut her mouth and just taken what she was given? Was it out of prudence or fear?

"Thankyou." she said softly, looking at his face.

And he was looking back at her, mouth opened as if he meant to say something. They stood in silence, and she felt the air change between them. Perhaps this was why they had never talked, because all they had to do was skirt around him being an unwanted guard, her being the thing he was guarding. But then, if anyone was already open to her secrets, it was him.

"Hojo knew my father." She said, and she knew she had his attention in a way she never had. She refused to look away from his eyes, wanted anything to give her some clue, even if he said nothing.

And he said nothing.

"So it's true." she said, swallowing.

"That was before my time." he started moving away then, and she grabbed onto his arm. It only seemed like a mistake the second he turned his eyes back to her, but she stood her ground. She was a bit discomfited to note that although he appeared thin, her hand was full of sinew. Was it the suit that disguised it?

"Please." she breathed, and he turned to her, sighed. "I need to know." She said, surprised that he hadn't yet tried to move her hand. She took it away on her own, when he turned back around.

"It is not my place to-" he began and Aeris breathed out.

"Oh, places!" he looked at her, shocked by her outburst, "Does it really matter what our places are? Why should we be where we ought to be, when where we ought to be is really nowhere in particular?" She bit her lip. "I'd give anything just to be somewhere, to know something real... even if it's terrible."

The Turk frowned.

"Everyone says that. Until they find themselves in terrible places."

"Well, nothing can be more terrible than this." she said, going rigid when he grabbed her around the shoulders, pushed her back against the house, and she looked from his hands to his face. She was frightened because he had never touched her if it wasn't warranted, didn't even talk to her really, unless it was strictly necessary, or if she approached him dumbly like she had now.

"Don't be ungrateful." he said, and somewhere close just above the plate a cloud shifted, and shaded them over. "You've only begun to see what terror is, and the moment you were close to it you opted instead to be smart and protect yourself. Just as you should have. You'd be surprised how many people long to be nowhere, instead of in the places they find themselves. We're in our places because without them there would be chaos, people who destroy and take what they want without the threat of consequence." She looked at him, and imagined there was no other time she had seen him talk as if he had a heart.

"You should be able to take what you want." she said realizing that now, she really did believe that. It seemed so long ago that Sephiroth had said that to her. The Turk's eyes stayed trained on her face.

"And if I want something that I shouldn't?" he said, face dark.

"We always do, though." she said, "Just like...men will keep destroying things, taking, even if the consequence is bigger than they are. Chaos is all around us, and we're just pretending to keep it contained." She felt a strange pull in her heart, an unusual synchrony of the constant chatter of voices in her head. "And I think soon, we'll see that chaos lives in even the highest order, in the hearts of powerful men who deny it, pretend control over it, until it consumes them, and as a consequence, everyone else."

The Turk stepped back away from her, as if she had sprouted another head. The synchrony dissipated too, just as the remnant of a breeze was sweeping in. From where she stood, she could smell something burning. She remembered the pot she had on the stove.

"I have to go." she said, and the Turk watched her until the door was shut behind her.

Later, after she and her mother had cleared the dishes from the table, Aeris thought of her flowers. She went upstairs to brush her hair, but found all she could do was look at the mirror and try not to say familiar words. She went to her closet and spun through the rack for a long time before she realized she was looking for a dress she didn't have any more.

She had left it in the labs, as she had left so many things. She took the stolen staff and went quietly down the stairs, didn't realize her intention until she found herself looking into her mother's sad, tired eyes.

"I'm going to the church." she said as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Elmyra folded her hands together, looked passed her and then to her own hands.

"Be careful." she said and Aeris nodded, stepped into her shoes.

"I'll be back soon." she said, heading out of the door. She looked back once, and Elmyra hadn't moved.

The way to the church seemed so much longer for all the time she had stayed away, and all the certainty she had that Sephiroth would not be there. If there were eyes watching her on the way there, she didn't notice them, for all she could think of was feeling the emptiness of her church.

But when she approached the doors, there was someone standing there. Not Sephiroth, but the very first SOLDIER she had ever met. She couldn't smile, even though he was, or rather making a valiant attempt to. It was worse to see the smile not reach his eyes, odd.

"Zack." she said, feeling as if her call to him was too soft, swallowed entirely by the night looming large overhead. A streetlight came on and she noticed there was a scar on his face that she was certain hadn't been there before.

She went to open the church doors, but Zack grabbed her hands before she could.

"Wait," he said, looking into her eyes, "How've you been?" Aeris wondered how many times she would be asked that today.

"Good, I guess...I have a lot to be thankful for." she said, though it seemed more something she was supposed to say than something she really meant. "Were you...waiting for me here?"

"No." he paused, let go of her hands. "Yes." She looked at him.

"Why?"

"Don't know really, you'd think a First class SOLDIER would have all this really important world saving to do..." her eyes widened.

"Oh! Congratulations," she said going forward to hug him, but it was only when she had her arms around him and his arms came up strong and squeezing, that it felt very awkward. Separating, they stood further apart than they had been standing before.

She looked down, certain her guilt was totally irrational. But there were times she would look at his face, hear something he said and feel as if they were connected in a way they had no right to be. After all, all he'd done was fall through her ceiling, really, she didn't know him at all.

But she felt like she did sometimes, when he was standing around and inside her church. It was weird, like she was remembering something that hadn't actually happened. Like when you smelled cooking, laundry or perfume and struggled to match it to a distant face or happening.

"I wanted to see how you were." he said voice low.

"I'm..." she blinked, could not even believe the renewed heat behind her eyes. "I told you already." she said, looking away.

"I'm sorry." he said.

"Don't be. I didn't mean to-"

"No, not that. I just...feel like a total idiot, for not noticing sooner that you were in trouble that night. I mean, shit, it was right there on your face, and when I introduced Cissnei to you, I didn't think that-" He shook his head.

"You couldn't have known." Aeris said, wrapping her arms around herself. Zack was silent for a few beats.

"I don't know." he shifted against the door. "I don't know what I know anymore. And the people who I thought I knew, they're just...monsters, and people who follow orders without caring about who it hurts."

Aeris blinked, unsure of what to say.

"Pink looks good on you." he said with a half smile. She looked down at her dress.

"I meant to find a way to give it back." she said, thinking of Cissnei's large brown eyes, soft hands.

"It's fine, pretty sure Cissnei wanted you to keep it." he said in a rough voice.

"How is she?" she asked. Zack frowned, turned out of the light of the street lamp.

"Don't know, haven't talked to her in a while." he shrugged. Aeris had the distinct feeling he wasn't saying something.

"Is she alright?" Zack was silent. "Zack?"

"Yeah, the Turks... just lost one of their own. He was in the hospital for weeks, just sufferin.' it's a good thing he's not anymore." He sighed, "SOLDIER too. They're dropping like flies." Aeris felt the blood draining from her face. "I'm sure you already heard about Genesis."

"No." she said, thinking of the redheaded soldier, his sneer, his perceptive bright eyes.

"He went AWOL some weeks ago, and Angeal-" He stopped, shut his eyes. She could nearly see it on him, the death. He looked more like a soldier than he ever had. "But enough about that, Ciss told me a while back that Tseng made it so that you could go more places?"

Aeris felt a bit embarrassed to hear him talk about it, but paused at the name.

"Tseng?"

"Yeah, Wutain guy, never smiles?" Zack said, and Aeris stilled, realizing she had let so much time pass by without even learning his name. He was the one who opened her perimeter? She wondered why he would bother doing something like that.

"Oh, yes, I saw him today. I never know what to say to him."

"That makes two of us, though Turks and SOLDIERs never really get along that well, and now-" he stopped himself, and Aeris frowned. Again, there was something she was sure he wasn't saying.

"Maybe I should go." he said after a while of silence.

"No don't." she said, surprising herself. He stayed where he was, and she tried to find something to say that wasn't about Sephiroth, tried to ignore the voice in her head that told her she was pathetic for not being able to be alone. "You know everything about me?" she asked.

"No, not really. Ciss wouldn't tell me anything and Sephiroth-" Aeris shut her eyes, and Zack stopped, "shit, I'm just making things worse aren't I? I'll-"

"No, I...how is he?" she asked breathlessly, as if they both didn't know the question would eventually come up, feeling naked when he looked at her with eyes too full for her to pick any one thing out. She waited with bated breath, didn't even know if her heart was beating. Zack swallowed.

"A lot's happened Aeris." he said bowing his head.

"I know."

"No, I mean bigger than us, it's-" Zack stopped.

"What aren't you saying?"

"Aeris-"

"I can handle it." she said softly. "I can." Zack looked passed her.

"Sephiroth, he's...I don't know. He wasn't easy to read before, but now I don't know what to think. He'll say things, or he'll get this look in his eye, like he doesn't care about anything. But I don't know if it's because I don't really know him that well, or if I should be doing something. When-" Zack paused. "When Angeal was around, I could tell that he was worried, you know. But from the outside it just looks like normal Sephiroth, it's not like was ever a big bag of sunshine." Zack laughed uneasily and ran a hand through his hair. "And with Genesis and Angeal and the Turks, I'm kind of worried too."

"The Turks?"

"Yeah." Zack said, and Aeris could tell he was reluctant.

"What happened?" She asked, but she could see from Zack's face that maybe it wasn't something she wanted to hear, maybe she should be happy knowing what little she did. But was she ever? "Zack?" she prompted.

"The Turk they lost this week, Sephiroth...he was the one who-" Aeris paled, thought of the blood on his sword that night.

"Was it that night?" she asked, but she didn't need him to say yes, just to look at his face, and think back to the wild look in Sephiroth's eyes. "Oh Gaia." she breathed, covered her mouth. It was strange. She knew Sephiroth had made a career of death, was accustomed to it in a way any veteran soldier was, but just this one seemed worse, seemed real for the closeness of it.

She covered her face, felt childish in her antics, but couldn't look at him. She thought of Genesis' words, his smile when he told her she had yet to see what Sephiroth was capable of, Sephiroth's morbid stories, the times he claimed she didn't really know him either.

For the first time, looking into Zack's bright eyes, she considered the fact that Sephiroth might be exactly as he was painted in the newspapers, exactly like the cruel caricature that inhabited his war stories. Would it be dishonest of her to claim he was otherwise, unfair to him? Would it be hypocritical of her to be repulsed, when for so long she had begged to see more of him?

It wasn't if her secrets had been pleasant ones to find out.

"Hey, don't-" Zack put a careful hand on her shoulder, "don't do that." She looked at him, face pale.

"Don't you see? If he hadn't been trying to find me, none of it would've happened, it's...my fault." she said, thinking her hands might as well have been Sephiroth's.

"Aeris, there's no way-"

"No, I knew that there could be consequences, but it didn't matter, it is, I'm responsible for it too." she shook her head, thought about Tseng and how he had brought back the staff for her, opened her perimeter, even though one of his own was dead because of her. She _was _ungrateful. "I yelled at him..." she said quietly. "I always do that, do things and says things, even if I don't know the half of it. I just think I know..."

Zack reached forward to touch her cheek but then stopped himself.

"No, you were just...thinking with your heart." he smiled. "My mom used to say that sometimes, when I'd get in trouble." he laughed. "And I'd always get in trouble."

"Really?" Even to her own ears, her voice sounded young.

"Yeah." he said, breathing out, and his breath smelled like Christmas, like peppermint. She watched him, uncertain of when they had closed the awkward gap between them.

It occurred to her that maybe he was too close, and she felt that old guilt again, tempered in that easy familiarity she couldn't place. But she knew him, his dark skin, the_ blue_ blueness of his eyes which went brighter still, the way she now knew men's eyes would do when they thought about some girls, about touching them or kissing them.

And she was full of fear and reservation when he kissed her with dry lips, thinking of Sephiroth emerging form the dark, and that he was only the second man to kiss her, Sephiroth being the first. She felt that it was bad timing, that she should be angry he would try something like that when things were the way they were, she thought it odd he hadn't tried it before.

But mostly, kissing him made her sad, because she couldn't bring herself to really kiss him back. It was Sephiroth's kisses, full of force and flickering control that she needed, and she didn't really want anything else, even though she could feel in Zack something better for her, more appropriate.

"I'm sorry." he said, and she had the feeling that he really was, that when he'd said it before that was what he really meant. She nodded, and turned to the doors of her church.

He waited by her side when she opened them, and maybe, she realized, he meant he was sorry for what lay in front of her. Even though she was certain he had nothing to do with it.

Before her, her garden lay in ashes, and beyond that was Sephiroth, standing by the windows. And he was in full armor, the way she had never seen him. Even as they stood there, he didn't turn around, though Aeris was certain he knew they were there, if he didn't hear their heartbeats, then he must've heard their words on the other side of the door. If he hadn't heard that, then she knew he felt her as she felt him now as potently as the first time, with all that wonder and fear.

But there was something different now, and when she turned to Zack and asked him to leave, she was confident he would, even though he looked as though he might not, might stay and be a hero, and make things worse. But she wasn't really afraid, even if everything around her told her she should be. Familiar territory. She was confident too, that they would come to some end tonight, good or bad.

After Zack's footsteps had long faded and she had gone on quiet feet to close the doors, she settled against them. She watched him stand in silence by the windows, where his hair caught the light like a long wedding veil.

He didn't visit her in full armor, there was usually no need. But now he had on the shoulder guards, the long boots, the coat she'd only seen him in a few times. He looked like an older version of the image on the news after the victory in Wutai. And his sword was in his hand, not inside the sheathe.

Warily, she approached him through the dust of her flowers, unable to cry or scream for the total fullness she felt at the sight of it, the sight of him.

"Why did you do this?" she asked, received no answer. She held her staff close to her.

Of all the things she imagined he would do, this wasn't one of them. She looked all around her, and imagined he had always gotten the things he wanted.

"Sephiroth." she said, with as much force as she could muster. Right now, she didn't feel that need to be close to him, just to understand. And she wanted to understand, not to be afraid but-his silence was not one of the tacit General she knew, but one she could feel on her skin like the touch of his naked hand, pressing soft and then hard, impossible to to anticipate. She had a headache.

"I wanted to know how it felt to kill something beautiful and helpless, in preparation." he said, quietly. "I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would."

He turned and gave her a sideways glance, his eye an acid green, burning its color outwards into the dark, onto his cheek.

"Because you're not-"

"How would you know what I'm not?" he asked softly, turning fully from the window. Her breath caught because he was beautiful. As if they both didn't know, but it had been so long. And he was right, how would she know? If anything, the past hour should have taught her how much she didn't know.

"I wouldn't." she said, looking up at his face.

"No, you wouldn't. You would rather dream I'm something else, and claim surprise when you are wrong."

"I'm...not surprised." she said, which made her pause because she hadn't planned to say it, didn't know it, until it was out of her mouth. He raised an eyebrow.

"Don't lie to me, you've done enough of that." He looked around. "Even this garden of yours, lies. For where it is, it is rare and beautiful. But if you kill it, it is dirt. Just as common as its origin, just as meaningless. Look at how ugly it is now."

She bit her lip, knew he was trying to hurt her.

"No, I knew you could be cruel, that war was a part of you, I just...know there's more."

"Oh, and that was the more you wanted to see?" He smiled. "And what if it isn't there Cetra-" She stilled, not used to hearing it said out loud like that, and with such vitriol. But she felt herself getting angry too, maybe with the help of a chorus in her head, screaming. For as much as she still didn't know about it, she was never going to be ashamed of her heritage, or ashamed of hard decisions she made that were for the best. She suddenly felt that he was petty and cruel, selfish for thinking he was the only one who was struggling with it.

"Don't call me-"

"But that is what you are isn't it." he said, raising his voice. She felt her breath coming fast.

"And you want to punish me for it? Or is it because I denied you something you thought was yours? I did what was necessary, I...won't apologize for it. "

Sephiroth frowned. She realized then that he hadn't expected her to talk back like that, that he was playing a game of terror, and had expected her to play in accordance with the rules. But she refused to be intimidated into silence, wondered how he could think she would be after all the rules they'd broken together.

"I also did what was necessary."

Aeris stared at him, stirred up a cloud of flowerdust with the staff.

"This wasn't necessary." she said quietly. She felt sick, looking at him, wanted for the first time to grab back her heart and run away with it. "Killing that Turk wasn't necessary."

He moved forward, wrenched the staff from her hands and threw it down. His closeness did make her heart jump, in fear, in longing for memories past. She could smell that potent nothing smell of his she had noticed in the beginning, and she shocked herself in how much she wanted to pull him close for more. She looked up at him, and he was that much taller she thought about rising up to her toes to say something else exactly to his face, but probably just as an excuse to kiss him.

"What do you know about what is necessary? You are only a child, you know nothing of war-"t

"War?" she breathed hotly, "This wasn't war it was.._." _she left off, and he laughed outright.

"Love?" he said for her, eyes full of laughter, "Really, so fast?"

"I..." It was humiliating, that he would laugh, know exactly what she hadn't meant to say. She wished for her mirror.

"Did you," he narrowed his eyes, "did you think that I would reciprocate?" She tried to moved away but he grabbed her wrists. "Tell me you love me, girl." she didn't know this man.

A silence passed in which she just kept her mouth closed, avoided his eyes. He frowned.

"You are naive to think that would even be a possibility. I would have to be even more of a fool than I am now to believe that the _charity_ you have so selflessly given in the form of your heart is anything other than th-"

"Charity?" she breathed. Did he really believe that? She searched for the right words. If anything_ his_ love had been charitable. He could've had anyone, decided earlier she wasn't worth the trouble. That was always what she'd feared. "It wasn't like that, I only wanted-"

"It doesn't matter what you want." he said, looking down at her. "What you wanted was what I am not, and when you realized this, you thought it better to run and hide in the 'protection' of your Turks, when you became bored pretending to tame the beast-"

"What?" she stilled. "I never pretended, never. Even now when all I want is to pretend that everything you've done is enough to make me hate you."

"Why don't you hate me then," he said, "Because I hate you," he said and she closed her eyes against it, as if she'd been physically hit, "more than I've hated anything, more than I hate myself for enjoying nothing in your absence, for listening to your pathetic phone message as many times as I could play it," she looked at him, wide-eyed, "for burning your flowers and hoping that you would cry or choke on the ash and _die_ if you won't be mine. I hate you, for being so foolish as to think that you still aren't mine, that you could ever leave me, and that I wouldn't kill and paint the walls of your church with the blood of a million more Turks if it meant I could have what is mine." She wondered if she was just imagining the hard pounding of his heart, the tremor around his eyes and mouth, the way she felt like she wasn't breathing, when he inhaled and looked away from her.

"And I...hate you," he began again, "for being fool enough to love, even though I do things like these, and wonder how it is you think war and love are two different things, when the only difference in love is that you can die over and over again, without ever claiming a victory."

His hand shook around her wrists, and he took it away. He went to turn completely away, but she put her hand up to his cheek. she wondered for a second if he would force her hand away, but he didn't. He turned back to look at her with a blank expression. It was unnerving that she could see so much seething there, and then a second later there would be nothing.

"Sephiroth." she said, couldn't really think of anything else to say, except that maybe she was unrepentantly hardheaded, gaga for not turning and leaving through the church doors. She supposed she deserved whatever pain brought her way, if after such an extensive list of reasons he hated her, all she could hear was something that was other than what he said, undertones of something else that rang of the opposite spirit. She wanted to laugh, cry, for how morbid he had made it anyway, wanted to stop the unprecedented uproar in her head, and any whisperings that told her she was telling stories to herself.

"Then if that's what it is...I'll die." she said, and the blankness of his expression was breaking, "Even if victory seems too far away, too impossible." He looked at her then, like he had in the beginning, as if she still had that inscrutable thing about her, that faith he wanted for himself. She looked back into his green eyes, and when he reached forward to wipe her tears away she blinked, not even aware she'd been crying. If anything they were happy tears, because she could feel her faith renewed but deeper inside she was sad, though she couldn't figure why.

She shook the feeling entirely when he leaned forward to kiss her the way the light in his eyes said he would. And she had known his kisses so many times before, but she felt a desperation there that had never been there before, felt in the force of his kiss, that time was finite, moving quickly along passed the drama of theirs that was unimportant relative to the planet.

When they came apart, she could feel his question, but also his surprise in her anticipation of him, for she had already begun to undress herself, made up her mind that if she was going to give it to anyone it was going to be him.

But he held her hand still, and she looked up at him, felt silly for rushing when all in his hands and mouth was languor, nothing recognizing what was outside the church waiting for them. Consequence, disapproval and pain seemed like nothing compared to the way it felt to be laid down in the ashes of her own garden, and touched all over by the same hands that had set the fire.

It was nothing compared the low sounds he made when she found the nerve to touch him back, to taste him with bold lips, and she felt powerful then, for the sweet grimace she put on his face, the way she kissed him after and she could feel his breath still short, uneven.

But what he smelled like really, was fire. Smoke. Louder than the salt smell of him she carried in her hair, than the sweet dead smell of flowers underneath them, coming up in the air when they moved against each other, with excruciating ginger, slowness. She could've been dying the way it felt to be with him, slowly burning away.

She listened to his voice rough in her ear, saying that she belonged to him, until she was saying it too, covered entirely by his heavy weight, and long hair that stuck everywhere, twisted like tinsel into her hair, tickled her neck, thighs, face.

And then she felt herself pull violently taut, heard him distantly say her name, voice faint as if she were settling into a dream without him. But it was dark all around her, like his eyes and the church. She might've screamed, she didn't know, just that her face probably looked very funny, and the best piece of pie she'd ever had, the most deeply colored, most lush group of tulips she'd ever brought up were absolutely nothing in comparison.

Blinking, and taking the first breath in what seemed like ages, she knew she was ruined.

She looked over to where Sephiroth had settled beside her, peered at him through her hair, though she couldn't remember when he had taken it out. He watched her, pulled her over by her little waist, hair dragging across the floor.

Until she put her head on his chest, she had been convinced they would sleep apart. That maybe he would get up and leave. When he didn't she started crying, and it was embarrassing, but thankfully he didn't say anything, just held her closer.

There was still so much she wanted to tell him, so much she wanted to ask him. But it didn't seem like the right time. She curled into him, closed her eyes. But she could feel that his were still open.

Even when she awoke, he was already awake. He seemed preoccupied, and there was something heavy about his face that made her pause as she slipped on her dress, her shoes.

But just as he had fastened his boots, he stood up, looked at her from across the aisle. It seemed to be the same look from hours before, but somehow starkly different. This time he didn't bother taking off her dress, or his armor, and his shoulder guard was hard against her face when he pulled her dress up around her thighs, put her down into a pew.

His face had a desperate look when he was inside, and it was like a disease that desperation, because she felt it too all of a sudden, and moved against him as best she could with her inexperienced hips, trembling fingers that grabbed onto shoulders, hair, sword sheathe, anything.

His breaths were short, hot on her face, and his kisses were full of teeth, it was all she could do to keep up with him. Still it was good, and when it was over, they dressed in silence.

She thought to ask if something was wrong, but she also felt that heaviness. She picked up the discarded staff, what had been his, and was now hers. There was the tiniest glimmer of mirth in his eye.

"Come with me." he said finally, and she blinked. Looked to the outside where morning was breaking.

"Where?" she asked, finding her voice sounded strange after a night of only saying his name. She felt like they were two different people.

"Just to the train station." He unfastened his coat. "I think that is nearly within your perimeter now."

"You know about that?" she asked, and he only looked at her, held up his coat. She slipped her arms in and pulled the length of it up around her waist, just like she had done the first time.

They set out of the church and started toward the station, and Aeris couldn't help but think of her mother's bracelets. Sephiroth's phone kept ringing on the way there, but he kept turning it off, saying that there was time enough.

"It's not like Fair to be so prompt." he said wryly.

"Is he waiting for you there?" Aeris asked, as they passed the shop window they'd passed on the first night. All around them light was breaking through, real and artificial.

"Yes. And a few others." he said, and Aeris imagined the way he talked now, it was almost as if he hadn't told her he hated her, made love to her desperately maybe a half an hour before.

"Well, I don't know. It feels like a bit of a strange day already." she said as they neared the station. Sephiroth nodded.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs to the station, Aeris stopped.

"My perimeter can't include this." she said, as she unfastened his coat and gave it back to him. He took it and put it on, went up a few steps.

"Come just to this stair." he said, and she did, looked up at him. There was real light from the station behind him, and she stood completely in his shadow. He looked over to where the platforms were, and she followed his gaze to a group of people standing farther away. She saw Zack, behind him two troops, and beside him boy who was putting his helmet on over a head of wild, blonde hair.

She smiled, but then got this sudden wrenching feeling. She looked back at Sephiroth. Almost found herself asking him not to go. She laughed at herself.

"I'll be back soon." he said, taking her hand. "And if you are going to use this, you'll need to hold it properly." he fixed her grip on the staff. "Try striking like that, you'll find it is more effective."

"Thankyou." she said, and he nodded. She folded her hands together, a nervous habit she'd gotten from her mother."Be careful." she said, but he had already turned away from her, gone up the rest of the stairs.

And she watched him go, until she couldn't see him anymore, could only hear the noise and bustle of the people above catching trains, listening for whatever train was coming in next. She listened, and above her a flat, mechanical voice rang out over the station, calling out places she'd probably never go.

"Carriage 237 to Costa del Sol, All aboard."

It didn't matter though, she had Sephiroth and no threat on her freedom was worth being without him.

"Carriage 864 to Junon, All aboard."

She didn't have to hide anymore. She felt brave enough to take that freedom, fight for it.

"Carriage 354 to Nibelhelm, Departing."

And she knew that if she had to, she would even die for it.

* * *

Author's Note: The End. So, I'm really, really, sorry for the wait. I tried to make it worth it. Real life kind of punched me in the face these last couple of months. :) But this was always right there at the back of my mind when doing finals, opening docs to write essays about blah blah at two am. Haha, most especially because you all have been so ridiculously supportive that I was really anxious to finish this up for you guys. So here it is, a lot happened here, and I originally thought I might do an epilogue, but considering how things are going lately, it might be a while, if ever. Still I really hope you liked it, I do have a few Aeriseph ideas brewing already, so maybe I'll see you all sooner than I think!


End file.
